


The Search for Skywalker

by BatuuPrincess



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, Damerey Endgame, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, Jedi Ben Solo, Jedi Rey, Past Rey/Ben Solo, Post-Rogue One, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Pre-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Slow Burn, background Jyn/Cassian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2019-06-19 20:49:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 66,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15518298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BatuuPrincess/pseuds/BatuuPrincess
Summary: Rey Andor was taken from her parents as a child and sent to Master Skywalker's Temple to train to be a Jedi. Years later, one of their own turns to the Dark Side and destroys the temple, Luke Skywalker vanishing in the process. With nowhere else to go, Rey turns to the Resistance, joining forces with a childhood friend to find her missing Master and bring balance to the Force.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So this idea came to me fully formed as I drove home from work and I haven't stopped writing it since. This is most definitely an AU, so I played around with the ages and timeline to make it work. For reference: Poe is six years older than Rey and three years older than Ben.
> 
> Also, Rey knows Ben before he falls, which definitely complicates things. That being said, this is 100% a Damerey fic, with a Damerey endgame, it's just going to take a while to get there.
> 
> I'm a sucker for fics where Jyn and Cassian are Rey's parents, so be warned.

Rey Andor laid in her bed listening to her parents fight down the hall.

“Godsdamnit, Jyn! How could you tell him? You know what’s going to happen now,” said Papa, his voice trying to be quiet and failing.

“He’s our friend, Cass. Do you really think Luke would take her from us if we said no?’ asked Mama softly. She never raised her voice, not even when she was extra mad.

Papa’s voice was getting louder. “Will he have a choice? You know the rules. He’s bound by the laws of the New Republic. If you had just kept your mouth shut…”

“What? We’d put it off by another five years? Someone’s going to notice she can move things with her mind, Cassian. She can barely control it, it’s only a matter of time.”

Rey could hear Papa pacing across her parents’ bedroom, the wooden floorboards creaking under his weight.

“We can go. Pack a couple bags, leave it all behind. I still have contacts from the war; no one would find us,” said Papa, his voice getting so quiet Rey almost couldn’t hear him anymore. Almost.

“Cass, we can’t run. That’s not us. We stay and we do the right thing, no matter the cost. That’s who we are.”

It was quiet for a moment, Rey struggling to hear any sound. She silently got out of bed, making her way toward her parents’ room on tiptoes, avoiding the floorboard halfway down the hall that creaked.

Their door was open a crack, allowing Rey to peek her head in.

Her parents sat on their bed with their arms around each other, Mama patting Papa’s back as his shoulders shook. He pulled back, Rey shocked to see tears on her fearless Papa’s face.

“She’ll come back changed, Jyn. Our baby girl will be gone, replaced by some Jedi Knight. You’ve seen what happened to Ben Solo.”

Mama reached up, smoothing away Papa’s tears same as she did for Rey. “That’s only if they take her, Cass. Luke will see reason, we’ve known him forever. And if she does go, there’s one thing I know: our daughter will be fine. She is _nothing_ like Ben Solo.”

Rey backed away from the door, her heart pounding. Uncle Luke was coming? He was taking her somewhere to be a Jedi?

She ran as quickly and as quietly as she could down the hall, shutting the door to her room. She padded over to the window, opening it quickly so it didn’t squeak. She slid out of the window and into the soft grass below, her bare feet collecting dew as she ran across her yard.

She made it to Poe’s house in no time, the path between their yards as familiar to her as her own reflection in the mirror. Yavin was already high in the sky, lighting her way to the tree under Poe’s window.

She scrambled up the tree with the practiced ease of someone who had been doing it for years, even though she’d only done it a handful of times before. Rey had always been a quick study, learning a skill and becoming the expert all in the same day, something that endlessly fascinated her best friend.

Speaking of her best friend, she tapped lightly on his window, ready to use her trick on the lock if he wasn’t still awake. She waited only a moment before she heard a click, watching as the window slid up to allow her entry.

She hauled herself through the window, dropping with a light thud to the floor.

“Shh! You’ll wake Dad,” said Poe, helping her off the floor.

Poe was like a combination best friend and big brother to Rey, the two getting in to endless trouble together as they grew up on Yavin 4. Poe was exactly twice Rey’s age, but not for long. She’d be seven in two days, and he’d never be twice her age again.

“Rey, what’s wrong?” he asked, pulling her in to a hug.

Poe just seemed to realize that she was crying, a fact that took Rey by surprise as well. She’d been brave so far, but seeing her best friend - possibly for the last time - had brought tears to her eyes.

“I heard Mama and Papa fighting. They said Uncle Luke is gonna take me away tomorrow and I’m gonna be like someone named Ben Solo,” she said in a rush, crying even harder.

Poe’s eyes widened in surprise, hugging her even tighter. They sat like that a while, the older boy waiting until she was cried out before walking her over to his bed.

She laid down and he tucked her in, walking around to the other side before getting in to bed himself. She quickly put her arms around him, holding on for dear life.

“I don’t want to go,” she said, tears soaking into Poe’s pajamas.

“Don’t worry, Rey. I’ll be right here waiting when you get back.”

 

Rey Andor woke in her bed at the temple, the dream making her heart race. Really, it was more a memory than a dream, her last night at home before she started her training. She was thankful she woke up before the hard part, the next morning when her mother screamed and her father cried and Luke still took her, claiming that his hands were tied.

But that had been years ago now, the scars fading slowly with time. She saw her parents a couple of times a year, the rules not as strict as they had been in the old days, thankfully.

In fact, she had special permission from Luke to leave the temple this morning for a quick trip to Yavin 4. She generally made it home for the major holidays, but this was a special trip. It was her parent’s 25th anniversary, and she was surprising them with a huge party and a visit from their favorite (read: only) daughter.

Kes was handling all the details on the moon, while Rey had invited what seemed like every person her parents had ever known. All of the survivors of the Rogue One crew had agreed to attend, even her notorious shut-in Uncle Bodhi. A number of old Rebels that they had worked with during the great war. Pretty much all of Yavin 4. Even theesteemed Organa-Solos would be there, sans Ben of course.

Speaking of Ben, she looked over at where he laid next to her, his mind and body peaceful in slumber. She’d have to wake him soon if he was gonna make it back to his own bed before everyone woke for the day, but she liked to let him sleep as long as possible.

Now the rules about _this_ remained as strict as ever, all forms of attachment still expressly forbidden by the Jedi Code. But honestly, Rey had never been one for the rules. Plus until recently, what she and Ben had been doing off and on for years now had been purely attachment free.

Things had changed shortly after the entire galaxy found out who Ben’s grandfather was, Ben himself learning the news from the holonet before his mother could tell him herself. Having always struggled with the dark side, he had been devastated to learn that the dark side was in his blood.

Ben had leaned heavily on Rey when the news broke, the two of them weathering the storm together. Before Rey even knew what was happening, they were very much attached, spending every night together, whispering ‘I love you’ in the dark.

That attachment was why she struggled with her decision not to tell him about the party. He hadn’t spoken to his parents since the news broke, and knowing Ben he’d be salty as fucking Crait if he knew they were invited to the party. She just wanted to enjoy herself without getting into an argument right before she left. It wasn’t even strange for any of them to disappear for a day or two, diplomatic missions and the like taking them all over the galaxy. She’d tell him about it when she got back.

The sun was starting to peek over the horizon, their time together quickly running out.

Rey leaned over, running her hand through Ben’s long hair. It was only one night, but she’d miss him.

He slowly opened his eyes. “Good morning, beautiful,” he said, leaning over to kiss her.

“Good, morning,” she said, smiling back at him.

He kissed her again, more deeply this time, his hands questing over her body until she gently pulled away.

“Ben, the sun,” she said.

“Mmmhmm, very lovely,” he said with smile, kissing down her neck as he hovered over her.

She giggled, pushing him up by the shoulder. “You need to go before we get caught.”

He sighed dramatically, putting on a little show for her. “If you insist,” he said, moving to collect his clothes from the floor. They’d flung clothing all over her little hut last night in their haste to get naked.

She watched as he slipped back in to his robes for the early morning stroll back to his own bed. Once he was presentable, he walked back over to where she still laid in bed, bending over to give her one final kiss.

“We’ll be done with all this sneaking around soon, my love,” he said, straightening up. “I promise.”

It was an odd thing to promise, especially in their current situation, but she was too distracted by the prospect of going home to press him further.

“I love you, Ben,” she said as he opened the door to the hut, his large frame silhouetted against the rising sun.

“I love you, too.”


	2. The Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey travels to Yavin 4 to surprise her parents, where she learns about the threat of the First Order. The party ends when tragedy strikes at the Jedi temple.

Rey stood on Kes Dameron’s porch, two sharp knocks cutting through the mid-day quiet of Yavin 4. She’d made good time from Tython, her trip both quick and uneventful.

She hadn’t been home in over a year, though nothing ever really changed on Yavin. Kes’s house looked the same as it did when she left as a child, the same chairs on the porch, same flowers in the garden, same wooden swing hanging out back.

She was sure her parents’ house looked much the same as it had when she’d visited last year, everything as she left it nearly 18 years ago. It was so different from her life on Tython, the temple’s only constant being change.

There were always different faces, new padawans come to learn, old guardians come to pray. Then there were the knights like Ben, always coming and going from diplomatic missions and training and other assignments. Even the seasons changed on Tython, something she had never experienced on Yavin. Here there were only two options: raining and about to rain.

Kes opened the door, breaking Rey out of her own head.

“Rey!” he nearly shouted, pulling her in to a hug. She hugged him back fiercely, it had been, Gods had it really been two years since she had seen him?

He looked good, albeit a little older than the last time she’d seen him, a few more lines on his face, a few more grays in his short black hair.

He pulled her in to the house, closing the door to the humid Yavin air. “We’re just about to start setting up the tables-”

She had been listening until she saw movement from behind Kes, a familiar dark head coming through the doorway from the kitchen.

“Poe!” she shouted, interrupting Kes and launching herself at her oldest friend.

Despite their matching heights, he caught her up in a bear hug, lifting her slightly and spinning her once around before setting her back on her feet.

“What are you doing here? Uncle Kes didn’t mention you had leave!” she said, a little giddy. Poe was a pilot in the New Republic Defense Fleet, stationed way out in the Mirrin Sector. She certainly hadn’t expected him to come all this way, but she was so glad he did.

His answering smile was a little tighter and more forced than she remembered.

“I’m not on leave, actually,” he said, one of his hands going to the back of his neck. It was one of his tells. “I defected to the Resistance. General Organa recruited me.”

General Organa? That was new. They had always called their parents’ friends aunt or uncle growing up, a habit that had stuck with Rey to this day. She’d been chastised by Master Skywalker on more than one occasion for slipping up and calling him Uncle Luke in front of the younglings.

“You defected? Aunt Leia is a General? What the hells, Poe? How have I not heard any of this?”

Kes had conveniently found more important things to do, quietly exiting through the kitchen.

“Honestly, I figured you knew. Plus, your parents only get to talk to you every few months. They like to stick to safe topics.”

“What happened?” she asked, as the pieces fell in to place. Poe defecting. His presence on Yavin 4. The odd smile. His hand on the back of his neck. Safe topics. They all added up to something she wasn’t sure she wanted to know about.

“Rapier picked up a distress call on a routine patrol. A ship ambushed by the First Order. We fought, but there were too many. One of my men didn’t make it.”

He said it matter of factly, like he’d been practicing it, but that didn’t fool Rey. She may have been gone a while, but she’d known Poe since birth. There was only one person in his squadron that could make him look like that.

“It was Muran, wasn’t it?” she asked, almost afraid of his answer.

He nodded his head, Rey’s heart sinking. “We weren’t together anymore, but I lost my damn mind when it happened. Went after the First Order on my own, against direct orders. When I got back to base, General Organa was waiting for me. It was a no-brainer. ”

“Poe, I thought the First Order was fringe group, just a bunch of Empire worshippers, all bark, no bite.”

“The Republic’s been downplaying their threat for years. There’s gotta be someone on the inside. What I found-” he said, looking at what must have been a horrified look on Rey’s face. He stopped mid-sentence, changing course.

“But we’re not here to talk shop,” he said, attempting another smile. This one was a little more genuine, a little more like the Poe she remembered. “We have an anniversary to celebrate.”

“Poe, I think we should-”

She was interrupted by an orange and white BB unit bouncing in to her legs at full speed, spouting a stream of binary Rey could barely keep up with. Poe steadied her so she didn’t fall on her ass, issuing a stern look to his droid.

“Hey buddy, I know you’re excited, but take it down a notch. She just got here, she wasn’t ignoring you.”

BB-8’s sensor looked up at her, waiting for her response.

Rey bent down to greet the droid, an idea forming in her head.

“Hey BB-8, Poe’s been telling me how you guys took on the First Order,” she said, hoping her instincts were correct.

Sure enough, BB-8 launched into a string of beeps and trills that Rey had no trouble following.

“Three star destroyers and 75 TIE fighters. Whoa, and how many support ships?” she said, looking up at Poe.

He looked massively annoyed with her. “Happy beeps, buddy. We’re here to celebrate,” he said, gently kicking his droid to get its attention. “And what happened to classified?”

BeeBee’s response was something akin to “It’s Rey,” Poe shaking his head at the astromech.

“Come on,” Poe said, helping Rey out of her crouch. “Let’s go help my dad set up.”

“I’m not letting this go, Poe. We aren’t done talking about this,” said Rey, following him through the kitchen and in to the backyard.

Poe rolled his eyes at her. “I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

 

The guests were starting to arrive, coming from the jungle in ones and twos. They’d instructed everyone to land away from the farm, a necessary precaution with her father’s sharp eye next door. He may have been out of the Rebel Alliance for over 25 years now, but old habits died hard.

Rey turned at the sound of her name, her Uncles Baze and Chirrut having arrived in the clearing. Baze ran up to her, the old man lifting her off her feet as he hugged her.

“Oh, we’ve missed you, little sister,” he said, a pet name he’d started with her mother that had been passed down to her.

He set her down, allowing her to greet Chirrut with a hug as well. Chirrut stayed behind as Baze went to greet Kes and Poe, fixing Rey with his blank stare.

“Be careful, little one,” he said, seeming to look through her soul despite his lack of sight. “The Force moves darkly around you tonight.”

With no further explanation, he walked over to stand with Baze, leaving Rey gaping in his wake. She should be used to these proclamations by now, she’d dealt with enough Force-users to know a prophecy when she heard one, but she knew from experience that Chirrut’s tended to be both accurate and vague.

She was left to wonder what he was trying to tell her as Leia walked up to her.

“General Organa,” said Rey, giving her a quick hug. “Glad you could make it. Where’s Uncle Han?’

“Oh he’s around here somewhere,” she said, turning around to look. “You know how he is. And I see someone’s been talking to Poe.”

Rey sobered up. “Is it true? What he said about the First Order?”

Leia nodded. “Every word. I’ve been trying to get my brother to lend some knights to the cause.”

Rey tried to hide her surprise. She hadn’t heard a word about this from Uncle Luke or Ben, her stomach lurching at the thought of them keeping secrets.

“What did he say?”

Leia gave her a wry smile. “He told me the Jedi have no place in a cold war.”

Rey laughed at that. “Well, that certainly sounds like Master Skywalker.”

Leia was about to say something else when Kes came by.

“Shhh, guys. They’re coming.”

She could hear shuffling coming from the direction of her parents’ house, accompanied by the soft voices of Jyn and Cassian as they made their way toward them.

Her parents had been together since the Galactic Civil War, somehow surviving the Battle of Scarif to help bring about the destruction of the first Death Star. According to their friends, they spent the next several years fighting both the Empire and their feelings for each other.Shortly after the Battle of Jakku, someone finally had the good sense to lock them in a closet together and the rest is history.

Rey stood in front of the assembled group, wanting to be the first face her parents saw as they rounded the barn into the yard.

The shout of “surprise” went up, Rey watching her parents’ faces go from stunned to excited to elated as they took in the scene.

Rey knew the exact moment when her mother picked her face out of the crowd, her scream echoing through the clearing as she dropped the dish in her hand and ran toward her.

“Rey!” Jyn cried, pulling her into a bone crushing hug. Cassian followed barely a step behind, wrapping his arms around them both, the three openly weeping in each other’s arms.

“Mi corazón, mi amor, mi vida,” said her father, whispering nonsense in his native tongue, the same language spoke on their little moon.

This feeling, the love of her parents as they held her close, was worth whatever hells she’d have to pay upon returning to the temple. This was the very definition of attachment, yet another way she broke the Code. It would take her weeks to recover, to find the detachment she needed to satisfy Master Skywalker. In fact, this was probably the reason Master Skywalker still didn’t think her ready to face the trials. She couldn’t help but think it was worth it.

“Gee, I see where we rank,” came a voice from behind them, the rest of their guests chuckling appreciatively.

“Oh, switch off, Baze,” said her mother from somewhere near Rey’s shoulder. She knew the woman was giving him a rude hand gesture as well. “Don’t pretend like you didn’t do the same thing when you saw her.”

Her Uncle Chirrut barked out a laugh next to him, knowing full well that’s exactly what happened.

They finally broke apart, her mom and dad moving to greet all the familiar faces, her mother not letting go of her hand as she dragged her from group to group.

The night passed in much the same way, Rey not straying too far from her parents as they ate and swapped stories with all of the friends they considered family. Her mother held her hand through most of it, unwilling to let her go for more than a few minutes at a time.

As the night wore on, Rey snuck away from the main party, having spotted Han leaning against a tree on the other side of the yard

“Please tell me you have the good stuff, Uncle Han,” she said by way of greeting.

He gave her his best scoundrel’s grin. “You know it,” he said, taking a flask out of the inside pocket of his jacket.

Rey held out her cup, Han tipping a healthy pour of the liquid into it. She took a quick sniff before bringing the cup to her lips, savoring the smoky burn as it slid down her throat. She’d been feeling off all night, a low queasiness in her stomach. This would be just what the doctor ordered.

“Gods, I miss Correllian brandy,” she said, earning a chuckle from her uncle.

They stood in amicable silence for a moment, Rey enjoying the heat in her stomach as it settled for the first time all night. Han took a long sip from the flask before speaking.

“So how is he?” he asked, offering her the flask again.

She didn’t need to ask who he was talking about, holding her cup out for an extra splash of the brandy.

“He’s really good, Uncle Han,” said Rey, taking a sip. Kriff, she was well on her way to being drunk already. “He’s different lately, like he’s found a new purpose. I think he’s finally made peace with everything.”

There was no need for her to name the Vader-sized elephant in the room.

“Good,” he said, in his usual gruff way. “You know, it’s always been a comfort to Leia and I that you were with him through it all.”

_Little did he know,_ she thought to herself as she nodded to Han.

Suddenly she doubled over, her insides feeling like they were burning alive. Perhaps this wasn’t what the doctor ordered after all.

“Hey kid, are you alright?” asked Han, concern in his voice. He patted her back.

She willed herself not to puke on her uncle’s boots as the world tipped precariously, her equilibrium completely shot.

Han helped her to the ground, leaning her against the tree. “You want me to get your dad? I thought I saw Kalonia somewhere around here.”

Rey took in a few gulps of the night air in an attempt to steady herself.

“No, I’m fine,” she said, trying to cover up the fact that her hands were still shaking. “Maybe some water?”

“Coming right up, kid.”

With Han gone, she was able to relax a bit, letting herself shake or barf if need be. Turns out she didn’t need to, her body settling down almost as abruptly as it had rebelled against her.

Han came back with a bottle of water, Rey taking a sip gratefully. The whole episode had lasted maybe 10 minutes, but Rey felt a growing unease in her chest.

She looked around, noticing a few of the other party guests having reactions similar to hers. Her Uncles Baze and Chirrut both had their heads in their hands at a table, her parents standing behind them looking concerned. Poe was leaning against the deck, looking a little queasy. Then there was Leia at the far end of the yard, her head between her knees while Kes hovered nervously.

“Uncle Han, I think Aunt Leia’s sick too,” said Rey, pointing to where Leia was on the ground.

“Kriff, sorry Rey. I’ll be right back,” he said, taking off in the direction of his wife.

Rey pressed the water bottle to her forehead, the cold exterior feeling like heaven on her overheated skin. She closed her eyes.

“Hey guys,” said Bodhi, from the other side of the yard. “You may want to see this.”

People were starting to gather around Bodhi, Rey dragging herself up off the ground.She was tired and she felt like shit and she missed Ben and she wanted nothing more than to lay down in her childhood bed and sleep for ten hours straight. When she walked up to the assembled crowd, Bodhi had his datapad sitting flat on the table, projecting a pretty reporter Rey recognized from the holonet.

The picture flashed, switching to a shot of bodies strewn across a lawn, something familiar about it pricking her subconscious as the reporter droned on, Rey only catching a word here or there as her brain finally made the connection.

Attack. Tython. No survivors.

The camera zoomed out, showing the temple in the background, fire engulfing the entire structure as a storm raged on, the rain doing nothing to contain the blaze.

The scream that ripped from her chest was completely involuntary, the force of it leaving her throat raw. She fell to the ground, lashing out with both the Force and her fists, sending tables and chairs flying as hands tried to hold her down.

She heard words being shouted around her, something about a medpack, none of them penetrating the fog in her brain as she continued to thrash. The temple had been attacked. Everyone was dead. She was the last Jedi. Ben…

Her father came in to her line of vision just as she felt a sharp pinch in her arm, the look of horror on his face the last thing she saw before everything went black.


	3. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey learns more about the destruction of the Jedi temple from Cassian and Poe. Later, Poe shares some hard truths about Ben Solo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was a lot longer than I planned to go between updates, but this chapter fought me every step of the way. Hopefully, it was worth the wait!

Rey woke up slowly, the lingering drowsiness making it nearly impossible to shake off the cobwebs in her head. There was a constant pressure building behind her eyes, the headache pulsing with each heart beat. Her eyes felt raw and achy, like they’d been scrubbed clean. It took her a moment to figure out where she was; her last memory was of being forcibly held down in Kes’s yard.

She was in her childhood bed, her mother curled around her, fast asleep. There was a figure on the floor in front of the bed, familiar black curls standing out against a white pillowcase as he softly snored. Rey leaned over the side of the bed to get a better look, seeing the blood on Poe’s face for the first time.

“You got him pretty good,” her father said from the chair in the corner, making Rey jump. Her mother shifted in her sleep. “But he refused to leave. Wanted to be here when you woke up.”

It came flooding back to her then: The sick sense of dread that had her doubled over with Uncle Han. Pictures of the temple in flames, dead bodies littering the front lawn. Tables and chairs flying across the yard as she struck out with the Force. Soft hands holding her down as she continued to fight, the rage and despair completely taking over her mind as she realized Ben was gone.

“I’m sorry I ruined your night, Papa,” she said, tears starting to fall. She hadn’t called him Papa since she left home at six, but somehow it felt right. “I should never have come.”

Her father was off the chair in an instant, folding her into his arms as she started to sob in earnest.

“Baby, I refuse to even think about what would have happened had you not been with us tonight,” he said, his soft accent more pronounced as he choked back tears. “You will get through this, Rey. I promise. It won’t be easy, but you will get through this.”

She was grateful he wasn’t trying to tell her she was ok or that everything would be alright; thankfully, that wasn’t her father’s style. He knew better than anyone what lay ahead for her, having lost more people than anyone Rey knew. Cassian Andor believed that hard truths were kinder than soft lies. He wasn’t going to sugar coat it for her.

Poe started to stir on the floor as Rey began to calm down, willing herself not to think of Ben, her gulping sobs turning into silent tears as her father rubbed her back.

“You’re up,” said Poe, sounding a little congested. His face was a godsdamned mess, blood smeared under his nose and across one cheek. His nose was swollen, possibly broken, and there was a purplish bruise under his right eye that was definitely the start of a shiner.

Her dad let her go, standing up and holding a hand out to Rey.

“Let’s take this to the kitchen, I don’t want to wake up your mother,” he said, helping Rey off the bed as Poe got up off the floor.

“I don’t know how she’s still sleeping,” said Rey, looking down at the bed. Her father used to joke that she’d wake up when Kes coughed next door, the years of living life on high alert leading her to awaken at any sound.

“I gave her half of one of my sleeping pills,” said her father, placing a kiss on Jyn’s forehead before leading them out of the bedroom and down the hall to the kitchen.

Cassian busied himself with making tea, Poe and Rey sitting down at the table.

“Gods Poe, did I really do that to you?” she asked, reaching out to softly touch his face. He winced at the contact, Rey pulling her hand back. “I think your nose is broken.”

“Oh it’s definitely broken,” said Cassian, putting the kettle on the stove. “And you definitely did that to him.”

Rey got up without another word, walking to bathroom to find the little medkit they kept in the cabinet. She set it down on the table.

“What are you doing?” asked Poe, eying her warily.

“You need bacta,” she said, opening the kit. It was fully stocked, her parents always prepared for any eventuality, especially violence. She supposed it was a side effect of all the years they’d spent at war.

She took out a couple of patches along with the tube of bacta gel, lining them up on the table. She looked up, noticing the look of horror on Poe’s face. “Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing.”

He gave her a look that said he definitely didn’t believe that, but allowed her to examine him nonetheless. She probed along his nose, using a touch of the Force to guide her fingers to the break.

“This is gonna hurt,” she said.

“Wait, wha- OW! Kriff, Rey,” he said, as she snapped the bones back into place. She could already hear the improvement in his breathing.

Cassian was snickering over the stove. Rey rolled her eyes at them. Babies.

“I warned you,” she said, examining her handiwork. “Anyway, it had to be done. Your nose would have ended up huge and crooked if you didn’t set the bones.”

“My nose is already huge!” he said, gingerly touching the bridge.

“Well then, you wouldn’t want it crooked too,” she said, adding bacta to one of the patches. “Here, the bacta will help with the swelling.”

He shot her a dirty look, but allowed her to place the bandage on his nose. She was smoothing the edges when her dad placed the steaming cups in front of them.

Rey sat back in her chair, wishing she had something else to focus on now that she’d finished patching up Poe;s face. Without the distraction, all of the pain and sadness of the last twelve hours was starting to trickle back in, and she definitely wasn’t ready to deal with that yet. She wrapped her hands on the mug, letting the warmth bleed into her icy fingers before taking a sip of the tea, the mint soothing both her nerves and her stomach.

“Thanks, Uncle Cass,” said Poe, taking a sip of the tea. He made a face at the taste. “Any more news?”

Cassian shot a furtive glance at Rey, obviously trying to gauge if she could deal with hearing whatever he was about to say.

“Don’t worry, Dad,” said Rey, trying to sound stronger than she felt. “I can handle it. I’ll have to hear it eventually anyway.”

Cassian nodded at her, taking a sip of his drink before he started.

“My contact in the New Republic said they’ve confirmed twenty-seven dead. Based on flight records and visitor logs, there are still eight missing.”

Rey took in a sharp breath at that news. Could Ben and Uncle Luke still be alive?

“Don’t get your hopes up, baby,” he said, practically reading her mind. “No one is sure yet exactly what happened and no one has taken responsibility for the attack. They could have been taken or…” He trailed off, a look of discomfort on his face.

“Or what, Dad?” asked Rey. “What aren’t you telling us?”

Her father gave her one last glance, a look of resignation on his face. “The wounds… on the dead…” he said, stumbling a bit, trying to find the right words. “They were killed by a lightsaber.”

Rey felt a cold calm wash over her, clearing her mind of its usual clutter. Lightsabers.

Her first thought was of Sith and the dark side, but that couldn’t be. There hadn’t been any Sith since Darth Vader, she was sure of it. Master Skywalker would have felt the darkness rising, they would have acted on it.

But the alternative? The thought that it could be one of their own made her sick to her stomach, the feeling similar to whatever came over her last night.

Both her father and Poe were looking at her, obviously waiting for a reaction. She couldn’t really blame them, she’d put on quite the show last night; Poe had the bruises to prove it.

“They think it was one of us, don’t they?” she asked, striving to keep her voice even. She didn’t want to start crying again, knowing that her father would shut this down if she did.

As it was, her father eyed her warily, Rey knowing the exact moment when he decided to tell her. “Yes, evidence points to it being an inside job. Most of the droids were destroyed, but they found R2-D2 intact. He’s in low power mode, but they’re hoping to get him online to review any footage he might have.”

“Ok, when do they want to speak with me?” she asked calmly, expecting it to be a simple question.

Cassian and Poe exchanged a significant look across the table, Poe eventually fielding the question.

“Leia still has a lot of contacts in the New Republic, so she called in a few favors…” he started trailing off, leaving the sentence to be finished by her father.

“We’ve had you added to the list of confirmed dead,” said Cassian, giving her a look that dared her to argue.

Well, challenge accepted.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she said, feeling the anger rise. So much for cool and calm. “I can help them find who did this!”

“Rey,” said her father in his dangerous voice, the one he presumably used during his years as a spy. It reminded her of getting caught climbing the Force tree and stealing koyos. “It’s done. We are not discussing this further.”

“But, Da-”

“This is for your safety, Rey. End of discussion,” he said, getting up from the table. “I’m going to go check on your mother and get her in our bed. Poe, you are more than welcome to the guest room.” He kissed Rey on the forehead. “Goodnight, sweetheart. I love you.”

Rey stayed silent as he left the room, glaring at him until he disappeared from view.

“Hey,” said Poe, Rey turning to look at him. “Go easy on him, okay? He nearly lost it last night after he had to sedate you. I’ve never seen him break down like that.”

“Wait, Dad cried last night?”

Poe nodded. “It was a mess. Han and Leia took off for the capital, trying to get some news on Ben. Uncle Chirrut was shaking so badly, Baze and Bodhi both had to help to the house. Your mom wouldn’t let go of you, even when your dad picked you up to carry you home. Then there was me, bleeding all over everyone.”

Rey looked down as her nearly empty cup, her eyes filling up with tears. “I’m sorry, Poe. I didn’t mean to scare everyone like that.”

“Hey, it’s not your fault,” he said, placing his hand over hers.

The contrast between the two was stark, her skin so pale from the long winter months on Tython. _There must be sun where the Resistance is,_ she thought as she held on to him for dear life.

She knew she couldn’t put the question off any longer, though as much as she needed to know, a part of her still dreaded hearing the answer.

“Poe, was Ben on the list?”

He seemed to instinctively understand what she was asking. “Last we heard, both he and Luke are currently classified as missing.”

Rey let out a breath she hadn’t even realized she’d been holding, sinking farther into the chair, her relief palpable as her eyes finally spilled over.

“Oh Gods, he’s alive,” she said, letting out a nervous half-laugh. She covered her eyes with a slightly shaking hand, all the tension leaving her body in a wave.

He was alive. She hadn’t dared to hope that Ben had been one of the survivors, not when the odds were so stacked against him. He was powerful, so powerful, someone the butcher who did this would want to have out of the way.

But he was alive. And Master Skywalker, too. She wasn’t the last Jedi, she could find them, there was hope. Together they could figure out who did this and bring them to justice.

Poe watched her reaction carefully, giving her time to process the news before he spoke.

“Rey, you should know, they think Ben did this.”

Rey burst out laughing, unable to stop herself.

“What? That’s insane. Ben Solo, slaughtering children? I _know_ him, Poe. There’s no way he could do this,” she said, dismissing the idea with a wave of her hand.

“I know he was your friend, but they have evidence, Rey. They found a bunch of his writings, records of holos he sent, he packed a bag for kriff’s sake!” said Poe, frustration bringing color to his cheeks

That sobered Rey up quickly. But Poe wasn’t done.

“They have proof that he was working on a second lightsaber,” he said, Rey’s heart sinking with every word. “They found spare parts in his hut and one of the ships contained logs from a trip to Ilum. There were no records of any Jedi being sent to Ilum in an official capacity.”

Ben hadn’t said a word about a second saber, though when was the last time she had been in his room? It wasalways Ben who snuck across the common, insisting her hut was a safer distance from Master Skywalker. That didn’t mean he was building a new saber and plotting to destroy the temple.

But then again, he was so secretive about his work, holing himself up in his room for days at a time as he worked on his mysterious project. She thought back to when this all started, back around the time he found out his true heritage, his connection to the most notorious evil the galaxy had ever know. Did she mistake obsession for new purpose?

Then there was the odd way he left her, kriff, had it only been two days ago? They’d never be permitted to have their relationship in the open, not with Master Skywalker’s adherence to the Code, so why would he promise her that they wouldn’t have to sneak around? He wouldn’t, unless…

He’d been planning this.

“Ben couldn’t do this. He’s not capable of it,” said Rey quietly, more to herself than to Poe. “He loves me.”

The mix of horror and pity on Poe’s face set her off again, the tears streaming down her face for the third or fourth time this hour. She could feel that Poe was telling the truth, every accusation ringing true. And she’d ignored every sign, so blinded by her emotions she couldn’t see what was right in front of her.

Poe stood, pulling her up out of her chair for a hug. She melted in to him, letting the pain and fear of the last twelve hours wash over her.

“He planned this, Poe. He didn’t know I was coming here,” she said, her voice creaking. “I was supposed to be there. Did he think I would join him? That I’d help him do this?”

Poe hugged her tighter to him, Rey burying her face in his shoulder. She could feel his heart beating under her chest, the steady rhythm helping to keep her grounded.He hadn’t changed since the party, the smells of the jungle and his sweat clinging to the fabric of his shirt, mingling with the scent of whatever soap he used and something else she couldn’t quite put her finger on, something intrinsically Poe.

“Kriff, Rey. What were you guys thinking?” he asked softly, no heat in his tone. He wasn’t admonishing her; he wanted to understand.

Rey pulled back, dropping back down in her chair.

“We didn’t have a choice in this, Poe. We didn’t get to decide whether or not we wanted to be Jedi. We were told we were Force-sensitive and taken to train; the law was the law.

“It’s a lonely life, and with each other, Ben and I were just a little less lonely,” she finished, looking down.

Shortly after the formation of the New Republic, the Jedi Conscription Acts were passed by the Senate. Leia was a vehement opposer of the legislation, spending months trying to get the votes to prevent it from passing. In the end, she lost, the Acts passing by an overwhelming majority. They stated that all Force-sensitive children would be sent to train as Jedi as soon as they showed their sensitivity, an effort by the Senate to ensure that the Sith would not rise again. They reasoned that if all Force-sensitives were taken as Jedi, they would stay on the path to the light.

The penalties were high for those parents who refused to turn over their children, hefty fines and imprisonment for those who couldn’t pay them. Naturally, that left the richest of the rich able to buy their children out of the Jedi Order, a fact that still burned Rey all these years later.

Of course her parents couldn’t afford the ridiculous fine, so at age five she had been taken by Uncle Luke, kicking and screaming, to train. Ever the reluctant Jedi, she spent years learning not to fight against their teachings, struggling to this day with the Jedi ideals.

It wasn’t even like she could quit; you either passed the trials or faced imprisonment yourself, a fate she wasn’t willing to risk. At nearly 25, she was the oldest padawan at the temple, Master Skywalker still not deeming her ready to face the trials.

And then there was Ben. Rey and Ben had grown up together, the old family friend helping her through those terrible first months when she fought the Order tooth and nail. She spent half of that year in silent meditation, punishment for acting out or refusing to work with her teachers.

Ben slowly showed her that life might not be so bad as a Jedi, teaching her how to move objects with the Force and when to use the mind trick to get extra ice cream with dinner. Once she opened her mind to it, the Force came naturally for her, almost more so than it did for Ben, even with his Skywalker blood.

Yet, no matter how much she learned or how strong she became, Yavin 4 still called to her.

Due to the conscription, Master Skywalker had always allowed the padawans to visit their families, a rotating schedule set up throughout the year. Most visits tapered off around age 15, the young Jedi choosing instead to focus on their studies and passing the trials. But Rey never stopped her trips home, always choosing to spend time with her family and friends when she could.

The past few years had been a different story, her relationship with Ben keeping her at the temple more often than not.

It started innocently enough, Rey winning a round as they sparred, her legs straddling his hips as she took him to the ground. She stayed there for a moment longer than necessary, her hands holding his wrists to the ground. When she went to get up, her ass brushed against his hardness, something that hadn’t been there a minute ago.

She froze, looking down at his face as he stared up at her, a hungry look in his eyes. Rey felt heat pool low in her core, a blush creeping up her neck as she made up her mind. She moved her hips experimentally, earning a sharp inhalation of breath from Ben beneath her.

Strictly speaking, she wasn’t breaking any rules. The Code forbade marriage, not sex. Not that she’d actually tested that rule. Sure, she’d explored herself a little in the privacy of her own hut - there really wasn’t much to do here after dark besides meditate - but she’d never experienced this desire for another human being.

By the feel of it, Ben was feeling that desire as well, his eyes going darker as his pupil were blown wide.She leaned over, placing a soft kiss on his lips, the heat only growing as he ran his heads through her hair.

The rest was history.

Poe reached out, taking her hand in his. “I’m sorry, Rey. I know how hard it was for you. Still was, after all these years.”

Rey nodded, suddenly exhausted. She didn’t want to think about any of this anymore.

“I’m gonna head back to bed,” she said, getting up from the table.

Poe grabbed her hand, pulling her into another hug. “You’re strong, Rey. You will get through this,” he said, an echo of her father’s words.

She remembered his earlier story, Muran and the First Order, his own pain being put aside for hers. She’d make him talk about it tomorrow when she was a better friend.

He pulled back, placing a kiss on her forehead. Rather than comforting her, it just reminded her of everything she had lost. She really didn't want to be alone right now.

“Stay with me?” she asked, hating how weak her voice sounded.

His face softened as he looked at her. “Of course.”

He took her hand, leading her down the hall to her bedroom.

The bed was empty, as promised, Rey collapsing onto the mattress fully clothed. She’d worry about the sheets tomorrow.

Poe bent over, lowering himself to the ground.

“Poe, you can’t sleep on the floor. Again,” she patted the mattress. “Come on, it’ll be like when we were kids.”

He balked at the suggestion, stammering something about it being very different.

Rey wasn’t having it. “Just get over here. I’m not going to be able to sleep knowing you’re on the floor.”

The prospect of her mattress proved too much for him to resist, Poe reluctantly kicking off his boots before walking over to the bed. He pulled the covers up to Rey’s chin, smoothing them out over the empty part of the bed, before he laid down, a groan escaping his lips.

“You were right, this is so much better than the floor,” he said, making himself comfortable.

Rey turned toward him, her body seeking his warmth as she moved closer to him. Rey’s eyes were already closing as he put an arm around her, the nightmare of a day finally over.


	4. What Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A month after the destruction of the temple, Rey finds herself struggling to connect with the Force. Meanwhile, a pair of surprise visitors recruit Rey for the Resistance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not dead! I've come to terms with the fact that this is just going to be a slow-go, but I am continuing to work on it, so bear with me. Thanks for reading!
> 
> A quick warning: there is a brief description of the violence at the temple. Nothing graphic, but it's there.

Rey sat with her back to the Force-tree, eyes heavy in the late afternoon sun. She shifted so she was sitting up straighter, the rough bark snagging on the fabric of her shirt. She was meditating, same as she did every day now, for no other reason than to get away from her parents. It turns out, being dead wasn’t really all it cracked up to be. Especially when your parents were attempting to smother you to death.

_“Hon, let’s bake some sweetbread for your dad.”_

_“C’mon, Rey. We could use your help in the fields.”_

“ _Are you hungry? Here, I cut up some Koyo.”_

_“Your mom got the Dejarik board out, how ‘bout a round.”_

_“Meditating again? Didn’t you just do that yesterday?”_

They meant well, they really did, but she had been on her own practically since she was five years old. She couldn’t stand the hovering and the questions and the attempts to distract her, no matter how good their intentions were. She thought back to all the years she’d sat alone in her hut at the temple wishing she could return home with a bitter laugh. Maybe she just wasn’t meant to be happy.

Instead, she turned her attention to the Force. Taking in a deep breath, she focused on the tree, following the Force from where her back pressed into the trunk through its roots and in to the soil. From there, she traced its path through the soil and in to the many growing things pushing themselves out of the dirt to reach for the sun. She sought where the growing met the living, finding the whisper birds and woolamanders perched in trees. She reached out further, trying to follow the paths to the sun and beyond, the thin tether of the Force snapping when she tried to go too far.

She leaned back, exhausted.

In the month since the attack on the temple, she had spent hours like this, searching for Ben and Luke, always with the same result. In fact, everything felt brittle in the Force, like the energy that connected the entire universe could break apart at any moment. Rey wasn’t sure what to make of it, but it couldn’t be good.

Not that the Force was gone completely, just most of her ability to wield it. Most days she felt the loss acutely, like all of her senses had disappeared overnight.

Stubbing her toe as she tripped over laundry in her dark room at night. Clipping the side of the barn thanks to that second of hesitation at the controls of her father’s speeder. Overbalancing as she practiced her forms, nearly impaling herself on her own lightsaber. It turns out, she wasn’t nearly as graceful as she thought she was. She hadn’t realized how much she had relied the Force until it wasn’t an option anymore.

Yet she still tried to find it, the tree against her back helping to strengthen her own failing connection to the Force as she rubbed her eyes.

“Hey, your parents said I’d find you out here,” said a male voice. Rey shrieked at the sound, her heart dropping to her stomach as her head cracked against the tree. She looked up to find Poe doubled over, laughing at her.

It took him a minute to catch his breath. “I don’t think I’ve ever snuck up on you,” he said, wiping a tear from his eye. She rubbed the back of her head, a headache already spreading through her skull.

She glared at him. “No one ever used to sneak up on me,” she said, not even trying to hide her frustration. “Stupid kriffing Force.”

He gave her an odd look. “What?”

She sighed, the sound making her sound older than her now twenty-five years. “Since the attack on the temple, the Force has been weird, like it’s asleep?” the last part went up, a question in her voice. She shook her head. “That’s not the right word. I don’t know how to describe it.”

He sat down next to her, his back against the tree. She could feel a soft spark in the energy around them when he made contact, the tree seeming to recognize his presence. _Of course,_ she thought, _even the tree likes him better._

“No, I get it. General Organa’s been saying something similar.”

She nodded. “So what brings you to Yavin, Commander Dameron,” she said, nudging him with her shoulder.

He’d already been gone when Rey woke up the morning after the party, a quick note scribbled on a scrap of paper the only evidence he had even been there. And after that? Nothing, radio silence for a full month, her only remaining friend off saving the galaxy while she fought with her parents about whose turn it was to pick the holo-movie.

Sometimes life just wasn’t fair.

“Happy birthday, Rey,” he said, handing her a small package.

It was wrapped badly, obviously done by Poe himself, the green paper crinkled around the edges. She tore into the paper, quickly tossing it aside to open the small box underneath.Her breath caught in her chest as she lifted the thin gold chain - the links sliding through her fingers like water - to reveal a set of wings encircled in gold, a shining star reaching up to the heavens between them.

It was the symbol of the Jedi.

Rey held it in her hand, feeling the tears pricking at her eyes.

“Kriff, Rey,” he said, putting an arm around her shoulders. She let the tears fall, burying her face in his shoulder as Poe smoothed her back while she cried. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think…”

She pulled back, calming herself just enough to speak. “No, Poe it’s beautiful. I love it, really,” she said, fresh tears falling as she spoke. “I’m just a bit of a mess right now. I feel like I haven’t slept in weeks and the Force is all fucked up and my parents are trying too hard to make this birthday special and it all just feels too soon, you know? It has nothing to do with you or your gift, I swear. I’m just… exhausted.”

He pulled her into a side hug. “I get it. Your mom mentioned something about the nightmares.”

She sniffed, attempting to wipe the tears off her face. _Of course she had_ , thought Rey. Was there no part of her life that her parents weren’t privy to?

The dreams (nightmares) had plagued her since the night after the temple fell, one of the many constants of her new, civilian life.

Every night she set fire to the temple just to watch it burn, hooded figures looking on as she systematically eliminated her friends, her teachers, her fellow students. She saw their faces, heard their screams as she ended them, swift but never cruel. She switched off the sputtering red beam of her saber in satisfaction as Master Skywalker fell to his knees, his metal hand grasping the old R2 unit as he watched his life’s work burn to the ground. When she turned, she caught her reflection in a broken piece of glass, a monster in a black and chrome mask staring back at her as she woke screaming.

The first few nights she assumed she was just dreaming of what little she saw of the reports, her guilt filling in the blanks to further torment her. Yet now, now she wondered if maybe it wasn’t something more. Not quite a prophecy - it was too far after the fact - but maybe the Force was trying to tell her something, trying to show her what actually happened that night through the eyes of the attacker.

While she tried not to think of Ben at all these days, she had to wonder. What if it the man in the mask was actually responsible for the attack, not Ben? None of the reports she’d seen had made any mention of a masked figure, most coming up with inconclusive evidence on the identity of the attacker. If she could find some way to prove her theory… well, just thinking about it made her tired.

She relaxed into Poe, resting her head on his shoulder. “I take it you’re staying for dinner.”

He fidgeted under her head, Rey lifting up to look at him.

“Well,” he said nervously, not meeting her eyes. “I wish I could say that I was only here for your birthday, but I have an ulterior motive.”

Rey followed his eyes, her stomach dropping when she noticed Leia striding across the grass dressed head to toe in olive drab.

Her head snapped to Poe, heat crawling up her neck as she realized what was happening. “What the fuck is this, Poe?” she hissed at him.

He remained infuriatingly calm despite her hostility. “I’m sorry. But, just hear her out, ok.”

She shot one final look of betrayal at him before Leia stopped in front of her.

“Happy birthday, Rey,” she said as Rey picked herself off the ground, dusting the grass and dirt off her pants. “Though as I’m sure you heard, that’s not the real reason we’re here.”

“Thanks, but I’m not interested,” said Rey, striding off toward her parents’ house, fist clenched around her new necklace. The Force tree was halfway between the Andor and Dameron farms, a quick two minute walk in either direction.

Both Leia and Poe followed behind her. “I figured as much when you didn’t answer any of my holos,” said Leia, keeping a step behind Rey.

Rey kept facing forward, never breaking her stride. “And yet, you still didn’t take the hint.”

“Well, I didn’t bring down the Empire or rebuild the Republic by taking hints,” said Leia, and Rey could hear the smile in her voice. “Just hear us out.”

Rey stopped dead, crossing her arms as she wheeled around to face the General. Leia took a step back, her eyes going wide for a second at the sudden about-face.

“Five minutes. Then you leave me to live out my death in peace.”

Poe snorted at that just behind Leia, earning a murderous glare from his commanding officer.

“I know you’re upset with me-“ Leia started, only to be immediately interrupted by Rey.

“Upset with you? You had me declared dead and sentenced me to life on this backwater moon. I have to hide whenever someone comes to the door. I’m twenty-five years old and my parents will barely let me out of the house to meditate. I don’t think ‘upset’ begins to cover it.”

“Rey, it made the most sense at the time. We thought you were the only survivor, that whoever did this would come after you next. Honestly, that still could be the case, but what I’m actually offering you is a ticket _off_ this backwater moon.

“Thanks to Poe, we have a lead on someone who may know where Luke is. Have you ever heard of Lor San Tekka?”

Of course she knew the name, Tekka being one of the more familiar faces around the temple when she was growing up. He frequently taught the padawans, his extensive knowledge of Jedi history and lore far eclipsing even Master Skywalker’s.

He was an odd one, a member of the Church of the Force. Rey had never understood the appeal. Of course the Force was real, but what point was there in worshipping it if you couldn’t use it?

“Yes, he helped Uncle Luke start the temple. He’d sometimes teach us history when he wasn’t off digging up sacred sites. What does he have to do with Uncle Luke’s disappearance?”

“Based on what was found in the ruins of the temple, we believe Luke went in search of the first Jedi temple after the attack. Lor San Tekka has the map that could lead us to him.”

Rey’s stomach squirmed uncomfortably. “Wait, are you telling me Uncle Luke wasn’t taken by whoever did this, he left?”

A look of remorse crossed Leia’s face. “My brother never did figure out how to face his failures. We need to bring him back from whatever self-imposed exile he thinks he deserves before the First Order finds him.”

Rey let that information sink in. Master Skywalker hadn’t been killed or captured, _he ran away_. He ran away rather than find the people who did this and bring them to justice. She couldn’t reconcile the man Leia spoke about with her former master. She wanted to find him, ask him why he did it, scream at him for allowing this to happen.

“What does the First Order have to do with this?” asked Rey, trying to tamp down her feelings on the subject.

“They’re looking for him too,” said Poe, speaking. “We caught a sympathizer attempting to bring the intel about Tekka to the First Order.”

Rey found herself intrigued in spite of her self.

“I’d be a Commander, right?”

Leia and Poe exchanged a look.

“Is that a yes?” asked Poe, trying and failing to restrain the excitement in his voice.

“It’s a maybe. So how would it work?” she asked, uncrossing her arms.

“Well, first we’d need you to drop your last name, at least in public,” said Leia.“There are enough Reys in the galaxy, I doubt anyone would connect you with a supposedly dead Jedi.”

Rey thought about that for a second, a slight hesitation in her agreement. She liked her last name; she was proud to be an Andor. It was a name that meant something, especially to anyone who had fought in the Rebellion. But she supposed it was a small price to pay to get off this moon.

“Ok, that’s easy enough,” she half lied. “What would I be doing for the Resistance?”

“Day to day it would vary, but you’d mainly be working with Poe and Black Squadron on the search for Luke.What craft are you rated on?”

“Light transports and speeders, but I’ve completed the sims on A- and X-wings,” she said,

Leia looked over at Poe. “You’ll be able get her up to speed on the fighters quickly?”

He nodded. “Not a problem, General.”

Leia turned, fixing Rey with a hard look. She’d spent the last month trying to convince Rey to join the cause, and now that she was ready to agree, Leia pulled an about-face.

“This is a war, Rey. I don’t want you getting any ideas that you can just do this to piss off your mom. We’re not playing here. If you’re in, you should do it for a good reason or not at all.”

Rey considered Leia’s words, realizing almost instantly that this was exactly what she wanted. Not because she desperately wanted to get off Yavin 4 and away from her parents or because she thought the cause was noble. No, she wanted to join so she could be the one to find Master Skywalker, so she could hear it directly from him why he abandoned them.  Sure, it wasn’t exactly selfless, but it was a valid reason, a reason she could believe in, and if she helped the galaxy in the process, so be it.

“I’m in.”

Leia smiled up at her, all the tension leaving her face. “Welcome to the Resistance, Commander,” said Leia, extending her hand to Rey. Rey accepted it, the General’s grip firm on her hand.

“Thank you, General,” said Rey, her smile genuine for the first time in weeks. “But not so fast. Someone has to break the news to my parents.”

Leia blanched. “And I suspect that someone will be me. You know Jyn is going to murder me for recruiting her only daughter.”

Rey smiled again. “I expect nothing less.”

Leia sighed. “Well, no point in delaying the inevitable,” she said, starting toward the house.

Poe chuckled next to Rey.

She turned on him, pointing her finger directly into his chest. “Don’t think you’re getting off easy just because I agreed to join. This was low, Dameron. Even for you.”

He held up both hands. “I said I was sorry!” he said, fixing her with a look. “But I think we both know you wouldn’t have lasted much longer helping out in the fields and baking with your mom.”

Rey considered that for a moment, knowing he was probably right. But she wasn’t quite ready to forgive him yet.

Poe, sensing the shift in her mood, reached out to her clenched fist, opening her hand to reveal the necklace. It really was beautiful, the delicate chain catching the remaining sunlight. The skies darkened overhead, the afternoon thunderstorm rapidly approaching.

“Here, I can take this back,” he said, taking the necklace from her hand. “Get you something better. I thought since you were never allowed to have jewelry before,” he stopped, shaking his head. “Nevermind. I wasn’t thinking how it would be a constant reminder of … everything.”

She grabbed his wrist as he moved to put the necklace away. “No. I love it, I really do, Poe,” she said, her smile a little less bright. “It’ll remind me of what I’m fighting for, why I’m doing this in the first place.” She turned around, lifting her hair off her neck. “Put it on?”

She could hear Poe fiddling with the clasp behind her, his hands coming over her head to drape the chain across her collarbone. The pendant fell directly between her breasts, almost over her heart, Rey placing a hand where it lay hidden under her shirt. She shivered as calloused fingers ghosted across her skin, Poe smoothing the chain as he went. He fumbled with the clasp, his hands lingering a moment on her heated skin before he pressed a soft kiss on the base of her neck.

It was wholly unexpected, but not unwelcome, Rey turning around to find an unreadable expression on Poe’s face. The flush continued to creep across her cheeks as they watched each other, Poe finally breaking eye contact to look up at the sky.

“C’mon, we better get inside before those clouds decide to open up,” he said, Rey allowing him to guide her back to the farm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on Tumblr at [BatuuPrincess](https://batuuprincess.tumblr.com)


	5. The Resistance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey arrives on D'Qar to find that the Resistance is nothing like she imagined.

Rey landed in one of the few empty spaces on the duracrete, her small ship fitting nicely between two X-wings. She ran through her shutdown procedures quickly, eager to meet with Aunt Leia ( _General Organa_ , she reminded herself forcefully) and begin her new life as a member of the Resistance.

Her parents had been even more skeptical of the proposition than she had, the battle lasting hours.

_“We fought the Empire all those years ago so you wouldn’t have to,” said Jyn, that stubborn look on her face. “So you could grow up in a galaxy that knew peace. And now you want to join an organization that’s trying to pick a fight - no offense, Leia - with some Imperial fanboys that the New Republic doesn’t even recognize as a threat.”_

_Poe sat next to Rey on the couch, the color creeping up his face until it was a uniform red. She could see a vein popping out of his forehead as he struggled to keep quiet._

_In his defense, they’d been going at this a while, Leia trying tack after tack and Jyn shooting them all down. In fact, Rey was pretty sure she’d never heard her mother talk so much. Or so loudly._

_Leia chuckled. “None taken. But I assure you, they’re a lot bigger than the New Republic gives them credit for.”_

_“Is that supposed to make me feel better? We just got her back, I don’t want her going to war.”_

_Cassian finally spoke up._

_“Jyn, you were only twenty-one when we fought on Scarif—”_

_“And I was eight when I started with the Partisans, is that how you wanted our daughter to grow up?”_

_Her father looked resigned. “They took her the day before her seventh birthday, that’s exactly how she grew up.Kriff, she just lost the only real home she’s ever known,” he paused, Rey watching as her mother’s face fell from its usual, fierce expression to something so sad she had to look away. She hated that they were talking about her like she wasn’t there, but they never spoke about this, the fact that she barely grew up here, that this house didn’t quite feel like home to her. She’d never said it out loud, hells she’d never even really consciously thought it, but it was true, and the thought that her father had known it all along made her chest ache. Poe’s hand found hers on the couch, giving her something to hold on to. “This is Rey’s choice, and I’ll be damned before I let anyone take that away from her again.”_

_Jyn sighed, always one to recognize when she'd been defeated. “You’re right, I know you're right. But I don’t have to like it.”_

_“You know,” said Leia, calmly leaning back in her chair, “There is a solution here. One where you wouldn’t need to say goodbye to your daughter.”_

_Rey looked between her two parents, both clearly understanding whatever Leia was talking about._

_“We’ve given you our answer Leia,” said her dad, putting an arm around her mom. “Jyn has no desire to re-enter the fight, and I stand by my wife’s decision.”_

_Rey felt her eyes go wide, searching the faces in the room for any hint of surprise. She locked eyes with Poe, his face deliberately smooth. So apparently, this was only news to her._

_“I'm begging you to reconsider. You’re the most dangerous person I know, Jyn,” insisted Leia. Rey caught her father nodding his head out of the corner of her eye. “You can’t in good conscience stay on your farm_ baking _while the galaxy falls apart.”_

_Jyn was staring at Leia with a look Rey recognized, all the more dangerous for her silence. Rey didn’t need access to the Force to know what was coming next._

_“And what exactly should I be doing, Leia? Bowing and scraping to the New Republic? Doing their dirty work for them, while they keep their hands nice and clean?” She scoffed. “The New Republic took my only child from me, I owe them nothing.”_

_“You forget, they took my only child as well,” said Leia, steel in her voice. “Maybe if there had been more voices in the Senate—”_

_“Don’t you dare blame that on me. I wanted a life. I earned a life. Not all of us wanted nannies and droids raising our children.”_

_Leia chuckled. “So that’s what this comes down to? Me being a bad mother. Sorry to disappoint, but I’ve heard that one before.”_

_They sat in tense silence for a moment, Poe squeezing her hand a little harder than strictly necessary while Leia and Jyn continued to stare each other down. Rey felt a stab of guilt twist in her gut. The two women had been friends for over thirty years, and this, well, this definitely felt like her fault._

_Jyn finally turned to her. “You’re an adult, so I can’t stop you. I’m not going to pretend like I agree with this choice, but I trust you,” she said, getting up from her seat. She turned her gaze to Poe, his entire body stiffening in response. “And I trust that you will have her back. Keep her safe for me, Poe.” She sighed. “Dinner’s in twenty, you two are more than welcome to stay and celebrate. I baked a cake.” With that, Jyn turned and walked in to the kitchen, leaving the rest of the room in stunned silence._

And so, barely a week later, Rey found herself on D’Qar. She lowered the ramp of the small ship and stepped on to the duracrete, swinging the small bag of her possessions on to her shoulder. She hadn’t brought much, just a change of clothes and a couple of holo-novels in addition to her underthings. She didn’t expect to be on base much, and the military, like the Jedi, tended to outfit you with everything you needed. Or so she was told.

The base was cut into the hills, grass and moss providing cover for the structures. She looked around, no one acknowledging her presence as she walked toward the open hangar doors.

While she hadn’t exactly expected a party in her honor, she had thought that at least Poe and Leia would come out to welcome her. They had to know she was here, she used Leia’s personal authorization to land. She looked around, expecting one or the other to materialize as she stepped into the cool shade of the main hangar bay, but meeting no one.

She stood in the middle of the hangar as pilots and droids and mechanics and more droids went rushing past her, no one slowing down or even noticing she was there. She was half tempted to walk back out and fly directly to Yavin 4 when she heard a soft voice say her name.

“Rey?” asked the woman, Rey turning to face her.

She was shorter than Rey, dressed in the same olive drab of the officers, the color looking less heinous against her dark skin than most. She had her black hair pulled into a tight bun, the no-nonsense look giving her an air of authority.

“That’s me,” said Rey.

“Sorry about the late greeting, I was on the other side of the base when they let me know you had landed. Leia also asked that I apologize on her behalf for not being here to greet you in person. I’m afraid she’s tied up in meetings for most of the day. I’m Korr Sella, by the way, Leia’s chief of staff.”

Rey blinked twice, a little thrown off by her cheery demeanor. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting out of the Resistance, but it surely wasn’t this.

Rey suddenly remembered her manners, extending her hand to the woman in greeting. Korr accepted Rey’s hand, giving it a firm shake before deferring to the data pad in her hands.

“Let’s see, we have you with the Tico sisters in Wing D. If you would just follow me, I can show you to your quarters,” she said, her voice losing none of the sunshine. She looked at the small bag on Rey’s shoulder. “Is that all you have?”

Rey adjusted the strap on her shoulder, eying Korr warily as they started down a hallway. “Yeah, I thought you guys provided uniforms?”

“Oh, we do,” she said, giving Rey a brilliant smile. “People just tend to bring… more.”

“I’m a minimalist,” answered Rey, feeling herself lapse into sarcasm in response to Korr’s sunniness. Not one of her best qualities. “Is Poe Dameron around?” she asked, looking around the cramped corridor. It felt like they were walking through the jungle back home, vines and roots covering the ceiling and walls, dampening all the sound.

“I’m sorry, the Commander’s current location is classified.”

“No, no, no, I’m a Commander, too,” said Rey as they stopped outside a room labeled D215. “I have security clearance.”

Korr looked at her with pity in her eyes. “I’m sorry Rey, but until you’re vetted and briefed by someone on the security council, you aren’t cleared for that information.”

Her sunny expression returned almost instantly after providing the bad news. “Here is your access code for the door.” She handed Rey a small card with a four-digit code stamped on it, quickly typing it into the panel beside the door. “And here is your comm. Keep it on you at all times.” Korr peeked her head into the room. “Oh good, they have your uniforms for you. Standard issue is two for general wear and a set of sleep clothes. You’re, of course, welcome to wear your own clothes when you’re off duty.” She eyed Rey’s bag again, making no further comment. “I’ll let you get settled, you just let me know if you need anything.”

At that she turned and walked down the corridor, leaving Rey alone in front of the door.

Her heart sank as she looked around the tiny room. A set of bunk beds sat against either wall, each flanked by a set of drawers. She dropped her bag next to the bottom bunk of what she assumed was her bed, the neat stacks of freshly laundered uniforms lined up on the blanket. The bunk above her appeared to be empty, thank the Maker, the bed stripped down to the mattress. She looked across to the second set of bunks, the top bed completely unmade while the lower bunk was made with military precision, complete with hospital corners. The Tico sisters, Korr had called them, her new roommates. With all the furniture, there was barely floor space for her, let alone three humans. At least, she thought the Tico sisters were human. Maybe she should have asked.

It didn’t matter whether they were human or not, it wouldn’t change the fact that Rey had never shared a room with anyone before, going straight from her parents house to Master Skywalker’s temple. Master Skywalker insisted each student have a private room for meditation and quiet contemplation. They were supposed to be monks after all.

That was one of the things she was already noticing about the base - it was loud. The door was still open and she could hear some playful shouting down the hall, a number of people calling out orders, and multiple sets of boots making their way quickly down the hall, all conspiring to leave a dull ache behind her eyes.

She sat down on her bunk with a dull thud, the mattress hard and unforgiving beneath her. Not for the first time that week, Rey wondered if she’d made the right decision by agreeing to join the Resistance, the sounds echoing through the halls only accentuating how very alone she was. If she was being honest, she’d expected a warmer welcome, especially with how fiercely Leia had been courting her the past month. She knew Aunt Leia would be too busy — she was running the show after all — but she had at least expected Poe to be there when she arrived, not the Resistance Branli doll.

She didn’t even know where the kriffing ‘fresher was.

This was not how this was supposed to go. The Resistance was supposed to give her a sense of belonging, a new purpose after the Jedi, not leave her with parents that were barely speaking to her, a couple of recruiters who were nowhere to be found, and this dull ache of loneliness in her chest.

Plus, she really had to pee.

She took a deep breath and pushed herself off the bed, determined to at least find the ‘fresher and then maybe the mess.

Three long hallways later she found herself face-to-face with a dead end, the ever-present roots creeping across a stone wall. She turned on her heel, trying to follow the sounds of voices and finding herself in yet another dimly lit corridor with no end in sight. She stumbled into what appeared to be a break room for the technicians and a broom closet before finding herself back in the hangar.

Rey leaned against a wall, exhausted and starving and still needing to pee, when she heard a familiar name.

“So Poe rounds these karkers up, claims the damn thing for the Irving Boys, and sends them on their merry way in their own escape pods.”

Rey found herself following the sound of the voice to a group sitting in a loose circle next to an A-wing, their orange flight suits standing out against the browns and grays and greens of the hangar. The speaker was a male, his strange, golden eyes practically glowing in the dim light of the hangar. The top of his flight suit was peeled off and tied around his waist, leaving a black t-shirt that stretched and rippled across his chest every time he accentuated a point with his hands, which turned out to be very often.

“At this point, we’re down to three and a half minutes before the honorable Senator can call in the New Republic, and who shows up?” He paused for effect, checking to make sure the other pilots were hanging on his every word. Rey inched closer, all thoughts of finding the ‘fresher forgotten. “None other than our good friends in the First Order. And Poe, being Poe, decides that he’s gonna send Kare and me away to save ourselves, like we’d ever listen to that order—”

Rey hadn’t even realized that she’d stepped forward until she was speaking. “Poe? Are you talking about Poe Dameron?”

They couldn’t be talking about _her_ Poe. The Poe Dameron she knew couldn’t lie his way out of a paper bag, let alone bluff his way past a Senator while trying to impersonate a gang member. Poe was decidedly not spy material. This was a man who used to cry when he found an injured whisper bird, someone she knew for a fact was still afraid of Force ghosts for kriff’s sake, there was no way he was off staring down the First Order and stealing ships.

Though what had BeeBee told her back at the party? Something about Poe going head-to-head with three Star Destroyers and a ton of TIEs? Maybe there was something to this after all.

The man looked up, fixing those eerie eyes on her. Rey’s cheeks flamed. “Of course I’m talking about Poe Dameron. How many Poes do you know in the Resistance?” He narrowed his eyes at her, his gaze flicking over what were obviously civilian clothes. “How do you know Poe, anyway?”

“We go way back, Arana,” came Poe’s voice from behind her a second before his arm slung around her shoulder, bringing her in for a sideways hug. “Sorry, I was trying to get back before you got here, but duty calls.”

He was still in his flight suit, helmet slung under his arm, smelling like a cross between day old cheese and a wet tooka cat. She made a face, ducking out from under his arm. She was glad to see him, but there were more pressing matters. “Wait a second, did you really steal a ship?”

Poe blushed, a hand reaching up to dislodge a sweaty curl from his forehead.

“A ship?” said the man called Arana with a laugh. “Try a yacht.”

Rey looked from one man to the other, her mouth slightly open. “You stole a yacht?” Poe blushed even deeper, all but confirming the story. She took a good look at him, realizing for the first time that maybe Poe wasn’t the same sweet kid she grew up with anymore. Maybe they’d both grown up when she wasn’t looking.

“I take it Arana’s been telling stories again.”

Rey turned toward the new voice, finding yet another pilot, her short blonde hair sticking up in every direction once she removed her helmet. As she came closer, Rey got a whiff of the same stench clinging to Poe’s flight suit.

“Kriff, Poe, we reek,” said the woman, wrinkling her nose. “That is the absolute last time I meet a contact in a Corellian sewer.” She turned her attention to Rey, extending a hand. “Karé Kun. And you must be Rey Andor. We’ve heard a lot about you.”

Rey’s eyes shot helplessly to Poe. She hadn’t said a word, she had no clue how people already knew. The General gave her one rule…

Poe laughed, putting an arm around her again. “Don’t look so terrified, I’m the one who told them. If we’re going to be working together, we all need to be completely honest with each other. Sorry, but that includes your real name.Rey, let me introduce you to Black Squadron. That’s Suralinda Javos,” he said, pointing to a particularly dangerous-looking female with bright blue skin. He moved on to the human woman sitting next to her. “Next, we have Jessica Pava. And you’ve already had the misfortune of meeting Iolo Arana,” he said pointing at the man who had been so suspicious of her a couple of minutes ago. He was all smiles now, his eyes catching the light in fascinating ways. “Last but not least, that’s Temmin Wexley. But we call him Snap.” The final pilot lifted his hand in greeting, looking to be about a decade older than everyone else on the squadron. “Everyone, this is Rey Andor, the one I’ve been telling you about.”

Rey was overwhelmed a second later as everyone crowded around to welcome her or shake her hand.

“Sorry about earlier,” said Iolo, looking a little sheepish as he extended a hand. “We don’t get a lot of people in civvies around here.”

“I got lost trying to find the ‘fresher,” she admitted, accepting the shake. “I really didn’t mean to end up in the hangar.”

Karé scoffed. “Korrie didn’t give you a tour? What does that woman even do?” She rolled her eyes. “C’mon, I desperately need to shower anyway. I can show you. Dameron, you should do the whole base a favor and hit the showers, too.”

Rey was beginning to think she was going to like Karé.

They headed off down the hall together, Karé taking the lead. “So where did they put you, Rey?”

“D215, with the Tico sisters. Though I haven’t actually met them yet,” replied Rey. The hallways were oddly crowded, Poe and Kare automatically weaving between crowds while Rey struggled to keep up.

“Wait, she’s not with you and Jess and Sura?” asked Poe.

“Nah, they just assigned that new kid to us. Tallie something. She looks about twelve.”

“Didn’t they just name her Blue Leader?”

Kare let out a quiet laugh. “Yeah. I thought Jess was going to blow when she found out. Thank the maker you requested her for Black Squadron. I never would have heard the end of it. Are you still with Snap and Arana?”

“Yeah, they’re still working on cleaning up the officer’s quarters. Korrie — I mean Korr — promised me I’m next in line.”

“I forgot she’s going by Korr now.”

Rey let the conversation wash over her as they navigated the halls, trying to absorb as much as she could. They kept up the rapid-fire exchange, Rey recognizing one name out of every ten. They turned down yet another hallway, this one looking oddly familiar before she stopped dead in front of her own door.

“I’m two down,” said Kare, noticing she had stopped. “Let me grab my kit and I’ll show you the rest of the way.” She punched a code into a door twenty feet away, vanishing from the hall.

Rey leaned back against a rare stretch of wall that wasn’t covered in roots or vines, her head spinning. In the space of an hour, she’d gone from one extreme to the other, toggling between crippling loneliness and complete overstimulation. She took a deep breath, trying to make sense of her feelings.

“You okay?” asked Poe, concern on his face. She couldn’t even imagine what her own expression looked like.

“Yeah,” she said, taking a deep breath. “I’ve practically been under house arrest for the last month. It’s just a lot, all at once.”

Poe smiled, taking the spot next to her. “It gets easier, I promise. You’ll be running this place in no time.”

She huffed out a laugh, hoping to all the gods it was true. “What about you? Stealing ships and facing down the First Order? Who are you and what have you done with Poe Dameron?”

His answering grin was a little cockier than she remembered. “All in a day’s work.” He pushed himself off the wall, crossing the hall to enter an access code into the door directly across from her own. “Welcome to the Resistance,” he said, disappearing into the room for a second before popping his head back out. “And it was a yacht.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Wookieepedia tells me that a Branli doll is the equivalent of a Barbie doll (I was going for Resistance Barbie, but needed something in-universe).
> 
> Find me on Tumblr at [BatuuPrincess](https://batuuprincess.tumblr.com).


	6. Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe helps Rey work through some issues as the two grow even closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I had a burst of inspiration for this fic and here we are. You'll probably see a few more chapters before the end of the year. I hope you enjoy!

Rey found herself flat on her back for the third time that hour, the wind knocked out of her. She tried not to panic as her lungs struggled to expand, reminding herself that she’d be fine if she just waited it out. Sure enough, she took in gasping breath a second later, her eyes falling closed while she struggled to catch her breath.

Poe knelt down beside her. “Kriff! Rey, are you alright?” He helped her to a sitting position.

Still panting but relatively unscathed, she nodded her head, wiping the sweat off her forehead. “I’m fine,” she said, shaking off his offer of help and getting to her feet. “Again.”

He gave her a skeptical look, dusting off his pants as he stood. “Are you sure? We can take a break or call it a day.”

“Again,” she repeated, more forceful this time. She got back into the starting position and raised her quarterstaff.

She needed to be able to defend herself without the Force once she was cleared for duty, something both she and Poe agreed on. The staffs had been Poe’s idea, his thought being that the footwork was similar to that of a lightsaber, so what could go wrong?

Fate or the Force or whatever you wanted to call it seemed to be determined to prove exactly how wrong they could be.

Not much had changed in the month she'd been with the Resistance. She still got lost in the endless corridors (and completely unnecessary dead ends), she still had to share a room, and she was still kriffing grounded, pending her successful completion of the flight sims (and Poe’s sign-off).

That last one was completely up to her, yet she still couldn’t pass, even with Poe coaching her every step of the way.

_“Rey, no you gotta bank left, LEFT,” he said, watching as she crashed yet another simulation X-wing, the screen going red in virtual death. “Godsdammit, Rey! What are you doing?”_

_She dropped her head in her hands, taking a shaky breath as she tried to hold off the tears of frustration pricking at her eyes._

_Poe’s hand touched her back. “Listen, I’m sorry. But I know you can do better than this. Hells, I’ve seen you do better than this. What’s wrong?”_

_She laughed, the sound bitter even to her own ears. What wasn’t wrong at this point? She was just so damn tired. Tired of failing day in and day out. Tired of waiting around for the Force to come back to her. Tired of not allowing herself to grieve for the life she lost the night the temple burned. Plus, she was just plain tired._

_Between Paige’s delightful snoring and the nightmares that plagued her every time she closed her eyes, it felt like she hadn’t slept in the entire month she’d been here, and it was starting to show. It certainly wasn’t helping her pass this damn sim._

_But she wasn’t about to unload all of that onto Poe, possibly getting herself grounded indefinitely in the process.  Instead, she chose the most obvious (and innocuous) suspects. “It’s not the same without the Force. All of my instincts are just,” she paused for a second, watching his eyes soften, “gone. Plus, I don’t think I’ve slept a full night since I got here. Paige snores like a Hutt.”_

_Poe snorted. “All of your instincts are not gone. You’ve just gotta learn to fly like the rest of us now,” he said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “C’mon, let’s go work off some of that frustration.”_

And so Poe had been systematically kicking her ass for the last hour, Rey becoming more and more frustrated by the minute.

She’d been taught most of her life to rid herself of emotion, to tamp it down, ignore it, and not use it _under any circumstances_. That was the path to the Dark Side.

But the Force had deserted her. For the first time in her life, she was completely on her own. She was allowed to choose her own path. And she wanted to grieve. She wanted to rage at the uncaring universe for abandoning her. She wanted to allow herself to be afraid - of failure, of the First Order, of the unknown, of all of the above. She wanted to cry and scream and hit something. Hard.

For once, she was in luck. Poe had fallen back into position, his own quarterstaff at the ready. They circled, each waiting for the other to strike first.

Rey watched him carefully, checking for any tells. She saw his chest tense a half-second before he struck out at her, her own staff coming up to block effortlessly. Rather than reach out to a larger entity that was no longer answering her call, she stayed firmly inside herself, allowing muscle memory and pure rage to take over.

She exploded into motion, aiming hit after hit at Poe. The months of pain and grief and exhaustion fueled her, long disused muscles burning from the effort. Her feet remembered this dance, requiring no further input from her as she dodged and parried, getting in a few good hits of her own.

It was obvious that he had been holding back, though that was no longer the case as she blocked a vicious blow, her arms shaking from the impact. She overbalanced, taking two steps back before falling on her ass. She tried to get back to her feet, only making it to her knees before she had to block yet another hit from Poe.

From her knees, she feinted to the left, Poe leaving his right side open just long enough for her to swipe his legs out from under him. He hit the mat hard, a look of shock on his face. She was on him instantly, giving him no opportunity to get up as she straddled his hips and held down his chest with her stick.

“Yield,” she demanded, her chest heaving from the exertion. Her Jedi necklace dangled over his face, having come out from under her tunic at some point during the fight. They were both dripping sweat, Poe’s too-long curls sticking to his forehead and the back of his neck.

He stared up at her with a look she wasn’t used to seeing on his face - at least not directed toward her. A smile crept across his face, something more than a simple admiration of her ability to take him down. The heat in his eyes set her skin aflame, reminding her, forcefully, where she was currently sitting.  

She blinked and it was Ben’s face looking up at her, dark hair splayed on the floor, a memory from another life threatening to take her down with it. Her heart dropped before she blinked again, the features once again Poe’s as he smiled up at her.

“I yield,” he said, Rey letting go of him as if burned. She scrambled off him so he could sit up, desperately trying to shake the sense of déjà vu.

“Finally!” he said, wrapping her in a sweaty hug.

“Uh, Poe? I don’t think that’s how you’re supposed to react when someone kicks your ass,” she said, her voice laced with confusion.

He pulled back, the smile still wide on his face. “If it means that you figured out what’s going on in here,” he said, touching his pointer finger to her forehead, “you can kick my ass any time you want.”

They stayed there for a moment, legs still tangled from her earlier scramble, while Poe tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear, fingers lingering on the sensitive skin. That look was back on his face, the one she didn’t quite know what to do with. Something that felt a lot like lust unfurled low and slow in her gut in response, a dormant beast that had become used to being well fed.

The door to the training room opened with a groan, snapping Rey out of whatever the hell that had been. She scuttled away from Poe, standing as a young pilot entered the room.

“Oh, sorry Commander,” he said, looking at where Poe still sat on the ground. He eyed Rey warily. “I didn’t know you were using the room. I can come back.”

Poe grunted as he got to his feet. “Nah, we’re done here. All yours.”

Grabbing the sticks off the ground, he dropped them back in their container, Rey following him out the door.

“So, what was that in there?” she asked, looking back toward where the pilot was still staring openly at her, even as the door closed behind them.

“What was what all about?” he asked as they walked, trying and failing to wipe the nervous expression off his face.

“That kid,” she said, watching as relief splashed across his face. So he _did_ feel whatever just happened between them. It wasn’t all in her head. She filed that thought away for later. “He was staring at me like I was going to attack.”

He let out a small laugh. “Oh, that. He’s just a new recruit, he’s nervous around everyone,” he said, not quite meeting her eyes. “Kriff, I gotta hit the ‘fresher.” He ran a hand through his matted curls. “Dinner in twenty?”

Ok, so they weren’t going to talk about it. She could live with that.

“Make it thirty and you’re on,” she replied, hitting the access code to her door.

Inside their room, Rose was lounging on her bunk, flipping through something on her datapad. “Hey.”

“Hey,” replied Rey, reaching under her bed for her shower kit.

The Tico sisters had turned out to be the two biggest surprises of her short time in the Resistance. The three of them had hit it off instantly, Paige helping her navigate all the ins and outs of life on base, while Rose took her under her wing and convinced her to help out the mechanics while she waited for her first assignment with Black Squadron.

It turned out, Rey was actually a decent mechanic, intrinsically understanding the way things worked and how to fix them. Between her and Rose, they’d systematically brought the Resistance’s entire hand-me-down X-wing fleet online, now moving on to the A-wings.

It also didn’t hurt that Rose had all the best gossip in the Resistance. Something about being small and underestimated made people say things in front of her, and Rey tended to reap the benefits. She knew all about who made the best hooch (Snap, it was always Snap), who was sleeping with whom (Spoiler alert: everybody was sleeping with everybody else. It seemed like Rey and Rose were the only two not getting any at this point.), who was fighting (generally because of who they were sleeping with), and a whole slew of other valuable info.

This was the first time in Rey’s life that she had an actual female friend. The temple had been male-heavy, Rey being the only female padawan until barely a year ago. It didn’t bother her that much, having spent her earliest years on Yavin 4 running with a pack of boys, Poe included. Though at some point, it had become easier to distance herself from their fellow Jedi than to fight with Ben about who she was with or what they were doing, leaving Rey nearly friendless. Until now.

“Where are you coming from all sweaty?” asked Rose, leaning over from the top bunk to look at her.

“Training room with Poe,” replied Rey. She grabbed her towels from where they were hanging on the wall.

Rose climbed off the bunk. “Wait, does that mean he’s currently doing his towel-only walk to the ‘fresher?”

Rey laughed, always amused by Rose’s fascination with her (naked) best friend. Though it was half Poe’s fault for walking around the base in only a towel, even if the ‘fresher was just down the hall from their rooms.

“Probably. I really do not get your obsession with it.”

Rose rolled her eyes, her hand hovering over the door release. “That’s because you are weirdly immune to his charms. Half the base wants to sleep with him, and he only has eyes for the Resistance. And you.”

Rey’s face heated. “What are you talking about? He flirts with everybody!”

“No,” said Rose slowly, like Rey was child who just wasn’t getting it. “He’s nice to everybody. He only flirts with you.”

Rey’s stomach gave a lurch at Rose’s words, remembering that odd moment in the training room. Maybe she wasn’t as immune to Poe as Rose claimed. She tamped down the feeling. “That’s ridiculous.”

Rose just shook her head, hitting the release. “Keep telling yourself that. Dinner?”

“Sure, I’m meeting Poe in like twenty.”

Rose gave her one last _look_ before running down the hall to try and catch Poe in all his glory.

 

Twenty minutes later, Rey was throwing her still damp hair into a bun and walking out the door, running straight in to Poe in the process.

“Ready?” he asked, steadying her, his hands lingering for a second longer than strictly necessary.

Rose’s words continued to echo through her brain. “Yeah.”

They started toward the mess, Rey finally getting used to the bobbing and weaving required to get through the ever-crowded hallways. For a paramilitary group that was woefully understaffed, the Resistance certainly had a lot of hallway traffic. Poe was telling her about his latest mission, something about Kowakian monkey-lizards, as Rey carefully watched the people around them.

“Hey, Poe!” said a woman about Rey’s age, her orange flight suit announcing her as a pilot. “You coming down for sabacc tonight?”

“Thanks, Nat, but I pulled first shift tomorrow. Gotta be up way too early to play tonight.”

She pouted at him, sparing a quick glare for Rey. “You sure?”

“Yup,” he replied cheerfully, keeping them moving down the hall.

They hadn’t gone ten feet when they were stopped again by an older woman.

“Poe, honey, you ready for that haircut, yet?” she asked, one hand lifting as if to run it through his hair.

He smiled, deftly stepping out of her reach. “I’m not quite ready to part with it. You’ll be the first to know, though.”

Rey could feel the woman’s eyes following them as they continued toward the mess.

They were stopped once more by a guy who simply needed to tell Poe how awesome he had been during maneuvers that morning and to wonder if he wanted to grab a drink later, another offer that Poe politely declined before moving on.

She’d never paid much attention before, but now that she thought about it, this was _always_ how it was with Poe. People were constantly coming up to him to ask his opinion or invite him to dinner or tell him how wonderful he was, but she’d never really noticed how he brushed it all off. Until Rose so helpfully pointed it out, that is.

Once they secured their food - tonight’s special being a stew that Rey sincerely hoped didn’t include the furry fox-like creatures native to the planet - they found Rose already sitting with Snap and Karé at one of the tables in the back.

“Dameron,” said Snap, taking a hearty spoonful of his stew. Rey set her tray down next to Rose, trying not to think about the origins of her dinner. She dug in, too hungry to skip the meal. “I see she left you in one piece.”

“Barely,” said Poe with a smirk. “She took me down hard. I’ve got the bruises to prove it.”

Rey scoffed. “And what about the three times I went down before that?”

“Practice rounds. They don’t count.” He winked at her, the heat on her cheeks having nothing to do with the hot meal. She could see Rose watching the exchange out of the corner of her eye, a smug look on her face.

“Anyway, I was looking for you earlier,” said Snap, pointing at Poe with his spoon.

Poe laughed. “That sounds ominous.”

“Tonight. I’ve got a new batch that’ll put some hair on your chest.”

_Kriff_ , thought Rey, _Snap too?_

“I’ve got patrols tomorrow. First shift.”

“Damn, nevermind then.”

“There you are, Poe,” said a woman appearing at the end of their table. Rey recognized her as another pilot. Stiletto Squadron, if she remembered correctly. She’d worked on her X-wing last week. Bad fuse. “You coming tonight? I’ll save you a seat.”

“Sorry, Ash,” he answered. “Nat already found me earlier. I’ve got patrols first thing, so I’m out.”

“Oh, come on, Poe,” she actually whined, a rather attractive pout on her lips. She tossed her blonde hair so it fell loose over her shoulders. “Just one hand?” Rey tried not to roll her eyes. All she needed to do was flutter her lashes and the trifecta was comp- oh, no wait. There it was.

Poe gave her a slightly tight-lipped smile. “Tempting, but one hand always turns in to five, and five turns into ten, then before I know it, I’m half asleep at the stick tomorrow. I’ll have to pass.”

“I’ll be there tonight, Ash,” said Snap, a devilish grin on his face. “Got a fresh batch of hull stripper to share.”

Rey had to stifle a laugh when Ash’s face fell, only to slap on a less-than-genuine smile in its place. “Oh, great. See you tonight, then.” She turned and walked away, Rey waiting until she was out of earshot to turn on Poe.

“Oh, come on!” Rey threw her hands up, earning looks of confusion from everyone at the table except Rose, who was hiding a snicker behind her hand.  “Maker, you really don’t see it, do you?” Now that it had been brought to her attention, it was literally _all_ she could see. She’d really have to thank Rose for that.

Snap burst out laughing, catching on to what she was saying. “Nope, he doesn’t. He thinks everyone is just that nice.”

Poe looked from Snap to Rey. “What are you talking about?”

“By my count, that’s three women and one man who threw themselves at you since we started walking to dinner. And lord knows how many times you got propositioned on the way to and from the showers!”

Karé bit her lip, trying not to smile as she watched the exchange.

Poe laughed, waving her off. “Nobody is throwing themselves at me. They’re just being friendly.”

“Told you,” said Snap, leaning back in his chair.

“No, really. I’ve played sabacc with Nat and Ash and the rest of Stiletto on more than one occasion, right Karé? You guys have a standing game.”

“He’s right,” said Karé with a shrug. “Always loses, too. You really have a terrible sabacc face, Dameron.”

“See!” he said, as if that was proof. “And Leeta is old enough to be my mother. She cuts everyone’s hair on base.”

“What about the drink guy?” asked Rey, raising an eyebrow. She leaned forward, her forearms resting on the table.

Poe sighed. “Ok, I’ll give you that one. Kiran may have a crush on me.”

“Ha!” she said, as if she had won the entire argument and not just a tiny piece. “You do notice it!”

They continued to take turns good naturedly jeering him about his fan club, the rest of their table peeling away until it was just Rey and Poe left.

“Ok, we both know that wasn’t my fault,” he said as yet another person left their table having invited him to that damn sabacc game. Poe took a sip of caf, his third cup of the evening. Rey had no clue how he did it, she’d be up all night if she drank it this late in the day.

“Ah, yes,” she said, rolling her eyes. “You really can’t help that you’re objectively gorgeous. Such a burden.”

They both froze as they realized what she’d just said.

“You think I’m gorgeous?” asked Poe, a bemused look on his face.

She was saved from answering by the arrival of General Organa at the their table.

“Glad I caught you two,” said Leia, Poe choking on a mouthful of caf. Rey tried to hold it together. “Rey, I want you to go up with tomorrow’s patrols, get a feel for the X-wings. Poe can show you the ropes, keep an eye on you,” she looked from Rey to Poe. “Wait, she has passed the sims, right?”

Aunt Leia looked tired, and somehow even older than the last time Rey had seen her, just a few days ago. Rey had made the mistake of asking where Uncle Han was when she first arrived on base, Poe taking her aside and explaining that he had left, taken off without a word after Ben went missing. Since then, Leia had thrown herself into the Resistance, the long hours and constant stress taking a toll.

Rey gave him a sharp kick under the table, landing somewhere on his shin. “Ow- Yes, yes, of course she has,” he lied not so smoothly. “With flying colors.”

“Good. I’ll talk to Korr about getting you a flight suit and helmet. Enjoy your evening.” She turned and left, Rey and Poe sitting in silence as they watched her disappear from sight.

Poe waited until she left the mess to lean over toward Rey. “What do you think you’re doing?” he hissed at her, looking around to make sure no one else was listening. “I’m not even confident you can lift the damn bird off the ground without blowing something up!”

She reached over, tilting his wrist so she could glance at his chrono. “Well, we have about ten hours to do something about that,” she said, a smile creeping across her face. “Buckle up, Dameron. It’s gonna be a long night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr at [BatuuPrincess](https://batuuprincess.tumblr.com).


	7. Flying/Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey takes her first flight in an X-wing. Afterward, her relationship with Poe becomes a little more complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter! From here, things really get fun. I've written just shy of 20k words of this since the beginning of the year, and it's really starting to shape up. Thanks for reading!

All the caf in the galaxy couldn’t keep Rey’s eyelids from feeling like they were full of duracrete as she went through the very specific start-up procedures for Black One outlined by Poe. According to Poe, she was an exacting mistress, though BB-8 had a much more colorful way of describing the fighter, one Rey tended to agree with after spending hours with Rose servicing the bird. She only knew what half the buttons and switches in the cockpit did, but it was enough to get her in the air and through the patrol.

Poe had spent most of the night trying to make sure she wouldn’t be a danger to herself or others in the X-wing, Rey crashing sim after sim until she finally passed the damn thing at 0330. Something finally clicked when she stopped trying to anticipate what would happen (a dead end for her since the Force disappeared) and started reacting to what was on the screen. Poe had been right, she had good instincts, she just needed to listen to them. Too exhausted to celebrate, she’d passed out in Poe’s bunk, neither Snap nor Iolo coming back to the room after sabacc.

Waking up only two hours later had been hell itself, but here they were.

Poe’s voice came through the comms, more than a little gravelly after spending the night on the floor. “This is Commander Dameron. We’ve been cleared for takeoff. I’ll take us out.”

There was a round of copies, Rey secretly thrilled to say it when it was her turn. She hit the ignition, Black One giving a little wobble as she went vertical.

Poe had insisted she take Black One for today’s patrols, the Commander borrowing Jess’s bird for the occasion. She knew it worried him, but the fact he trusted her with his ship meant that he thought she could do this.

Righting herself quickly, and praying that nobody noticed, she waited for further instruction.

Poe gave the word, and they were off, circling the planet low once before breaking atmo. Her stomach swooped as she left the D’Qar’s atmosphere, the feeling completely different from anything she’d flown before. She marveled at how close she felt to the stars, nothing but a few centimeters of metal and transparisteel between her and the vacuum of space.

CB-23 beeped to get her attention.

“I heard him,” she responded, not having heard a word Poe had said over the comms. CeeBee gave her a quick overview anyway, Rey bringing the X-wing into formation the way Poe had taught her.

She also borrowed the astromech from Poe, BB-8 nowhere to be found on base. Rey thought it was weird, but she knew better than to ask questions.

After a somewhat shaky beginning involving what turned out to be a _very_ wrong button (and in her defense, she was only targeting the fighter in front of her for a split second before she realized what was happening and shut it down), she settled into the quiet monotony of the patrol. She longed to open her up, see what this old bird could do, but she had a job to do.

They circled the Ileenium system three or four times, keeping up the light chatter on the comms as they checked the hyperspace lanes that ran to Naboo, their closest neighbor.  The hours passed quickly, Rey shocked when Poe announced it was time to head home.

She set Black One down without incident, Rey ditching her helmet as she ran through the shutdown procedures on the finicky ship. When she looked up from the console, Poe was standing outside the cockpit, bouncing on the balls of his feet, his energy palpable.

She could relate. Finally, she understood why Poe loved this so much. The drop in her stomach as she broke atmo. The pressure in her chest right before the inertial dampeners kicked in. The moment of weightlessness as she dropped out of the sky, the base growing larger by the second. If this is how she felt after a routine patrol, she couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to fly one of these in battle, dodging and firing, always one second away from annihilation.

The cockpit opened with a pneumatic hiss, Rey jumping out before anyone could slide a ladder over. She landed on her feet, a little closer to Poe than she had been expecting.

Every sense was heightened, the adrenaline coursing through her veins like she’d just taken a stim shot and chased it with a full pot of caf. Her heart raced, though she told herself it had nothing to do with Poe’s proximity or the way he reached out to steady her, one large hand around each of her arms.  Breathless and more than a little turned on, she tilted her face up to close the distance between them. She knew it was a bad idea even as her lips found Poe’s.

He only hesitated for a moment before he kissed her back, his enthusiasm taking her by surprise. Rey wasn’t sure what she expected when she closed the gap between them, but it wasn’t her oldest friend parting his lips so her tongue could slide against his, his hands roaming over her flight suit.

Before things could get more heated, he pulled back, Rey trying to follow his lips. He smiled at that, placing one more soft kiss on her lips before grabbing her hand and dragging her toward the base.

She giggled at his look of determination as he lead her through hallways, ignoring more than one person calling his name. Stopping in front of his door, he keyed in the access and pulled her into the room.

His lips were back on hers before the door slid shut behind them.

Rey pulled back this time. “Won’t Iolo and Snap catch us?”

“They pulled maintenance duty.” He showed some attention to her neck, placing little sucking kisses just behind her ear. “Won’t be back until at least 1500.”

That was more than enough time to get what she needed. Grabbing a fistful of his hair, she guided him back to her mouth, finding her back pressed against the wall. And there was that beast again, unfurling low in her belly, demanding to be fed. It had been too long since anyone had touched her, her own fingers always leaving her aching and unsatisfied.

She worked the straps of his life support box, releasing buckles until it clattered to the floor. Her own equipment followed, Rey finding her flight suit around her ankles before she had a chance to unzip Poe’s.

There was an awkward moment of untying boots and shucking the orange jumpsuits, Rey laughing as Poe hopped around trying to get his foot out. Both sets of underthings joined the suits on the floor, the room going silent as they stared.

He was lean but more muscular than she imagined, his arms, shoulders, and chest all toned, while the flat planes of his stomach transitioned into a delicious V at his hips.

How had he been hiding that body from her all these years? Surely, she’d seen him naked at some point over the last twenty-odd years of friendship, regardless of how much of that time she spent training at the temple. Perhaps a trip to the small lake behind their houses that involved skinny dipping? Or maybe a quick change of clothes after getting caught in a Yavin rainstorm? She tried, but came up blank. 

A glint of silver on his bare chest caught her eye. Shara’s wedding ring hung from a fine chain around his neck, the sight of it resting against his sternum threatening to take her breath away.

He still wore it all these years later.

Rey had barely been four when Poe’s mom died, rocking their peaceful little world. From what she remembered, it took her fast. One day she was taking them up in the A-wing to show them Yavin 4 from space and a month later they were burying her in the fertile soil of the moon.

It broke Kes. She couldn’t remember the wake or the funeral or the reception afterwards, but she would never forget the sound of 10-year-old Poe banging on their door at 0300 one night, tears streaming down his face, screaming because he couldn’t wake his father.

Her parents had intervened, rousing Kes from what turned out to be a drunken stupor, making sure Poe (and Kes) were fed, keeping the farms running, giving Poe a safe place to sleep under the guise of a string of sleepovers.

They weren’t fooling anyone. Her parents thought Rey and Poe couldn’t hear them if they closed the door to their bedroom, but they could hear every whispered conversation (and definitely the ones that weren’t whispered), every fight, every decision being made.

_“He needs to be with family,” her dad was whisper-shouting again, the third time they’d gone behind closed doors that day._

_“We_ are _family, Cass. Shara would not have wanted us to split them up.”_

_“Shara isn’t here! Kes needs help, and we are in no way qualified to give it.” He paused, the floorboards squeaking. “I’m sorry Jyn, please don’t cry.” Another pause. “I’m just trying to do what’s best for Poe.”_

_Rey looked at the boy in question, tears silently streaming down his face. She could feel everything going through his head - anger, fear, sadness, so much sadness it felt like the ground he stood on would open and swallow him whole. She knew just what to do._ _Taking his hand, she brought him to the one place she could still feel Aunt Shara._

_The Force tree shimmered with its characteristic energy, light blue and pulsing even in the midday sun. Eyes closed, she placed one hand on the bark, reaching out with all of her senses. A smile spread across her face when she found what she was looking for._

_Not breaking contact with the tree, she turned toward Poe. “Take my hand.”_

But Kes had gotten help. And Poe had gone home. And things had gone back to normal, for a time.

So of course she knew what the ring meant to him and who he was saving it for, but she couldn’t help herself, reaching a finger out and tracing the metal outline against his chest. His eyes fell closed at her touch, his hands gliding across her skin with a reverence not normally reserved for a hook-up. Rey chose to ignore the suspicion that niggled at the back of her mind, instead letting him lead her to the bed.

Her back hit the mattress with a soft thud.

Poe slotted himself over her, kissing her neck, her jaw, and finally her lips, the ring brushing her chest as he moved. She had half a mind to ask him to take it off - she didn’t need any reminders of their childhood or his mother while they did this - but asking would mean having to admit that something felt off about this.

It wasn’t the sex. She wanted him and he definitely wanted her, as evidenced by how hard he was against her thigh, but this was already more complicated than she was looking for.

As if to drive home that feeling, Poe chose that moment to whisper, “Gods, I’ve wanted this for so long,” while he swirled his tongue on her neck in a way that made her stifle a moan.

She tried to ignore it, she really did, but his words continued to spin around her brain, that uneasy feeling in the back of her mind threatening to overtake her. This was too much, too close, too real. She struggled to catch her breath. “Wait. Stop,” she panted, pushing up on his shoulder.

He stopped, confusion splashed across on his pretty face. She tried not to see the hurt there, but it was kind of hard to miss.

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” His hands went to touch her, stilling midway to her body.

He would blame himself. “No, of course not.” She closed her eyes, a sigh escaping her lips. This was not going to end well, she could feel it. “This was a bad idea.” Disentangling herself from him, she slid off the bed, digging through the discarded clothes littering the floor.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, what’s happening right now?” Standing, he crossed the room to where she was (unsuccessfully) trying to find her underwear, placing a hand on her bare forearm for a split second before she pulled away. “Rey, talk to me.”

With a deep breath, she dragged her eyes to his face, ignoring the worry playing across his features. “What do you want from this, Poe?”

That was obviously not what he was expecting to hear. “You. I want you.” Rey stepped back as he reached out for her again. “It’s always been you. It was never an option before. But now.” His smile threatened to break Rey’s heart. “Now, we’re both here and for the first time in our lives, we can actually be together and everything makes sense again.”

Oh Gods, it was even worse than she imagined. She cursed herself for letting it get this far, for letting her baser instincts take over. Rose had warned her, and she still found her way into this mess. There was an entire base full of people she could have scratched this particular itch with, but she had to choose the one person in her life she couldn’t stand to lose. Now he was standing there baring his soul to her, looking so hopeful she almost couldn’t do it.

But ignoring this was no longer an option.

“I’m sorry, Poe. I wish I could be that person, but I can’t. I'm not looking for anything serious, not after everything with Ben.”

His face fell. “I can’t do casual, not with you.”

She nodded. “I know. That’s why this was a bad idea.” She found her t-shirt, sliding it over her head before stepping into her now-crumpled flight suit. “It’s not fair to either of us.”

She allowed herself one final look. He made no move to cover himself, every inch of his skin on full display. It almost made her reconsider. Almost.

He nodded, going to grab his own clothes from where she’d left them on the floor. They didn’t speak as he dressed, Rey waiting to open the door until he was clothed. Then she was out the door and across the hallway without another word.

“Rey.” She turned around to find Poe leaning against his open door, watching her fumble with her access code. “I’ll be here when you’re ready,” he said, disappearing into his room and shutting the door behind him.

She released a shaky breath and tried one last time, relief flooding her system as the door finally opened.

 

Rey woke to a sharp knock at the door. Blinking in the harsh light of the overheads, she rolled over, placing her feet on the ground. She had no memory of falling asleep, but the chrono on her wrist told her she’d been out for over three hours. It made sense, what with her and Poe-

Her and Poe.

The events of the morning came crashing back to her, each memory cutting into her like a knife. The all-night cram session. The triumph of her first flight. The heady thrill of kissing Poe. The look on his face when she walked away from him.

How had she managed to kark things up so spectacularly in so little time? Things would never be the same with Poe and she only had herself to blame. What had she been thinking?

Her whole body jumped when another knock broke the silence of her room, the knocker growing more insistent.

“There you are Commander! Did I wake you?” Korr Sella was her usual cheery self when Rey opened the door, the aide’s eyes looking her up and down before settling on Rey’s face.

Rey looked down at her crumpled clothing, choosing not to imagine what state her hair was in at this point. “I needed to get up, anyway. What can I do for you, Korr?”

“Right! General Organa requests your presence in her office.” Rey tried not to cringe at the pretentious phrasing. This kid still spoke like they were on the Senate floor, not a run-down military base. Aunt Leia was far more likely to tell Rey to get her ass in her office than “request her presence.” 

“I’ll let you get changed.” At that, Korr turned on her heel and started down the hall, leaving Rey blinking in the doorway.

She dressed in a hurry, throwing her hair on top of her head to keep it out of her eyes before taking off down the always-crowded corridors.

Rey’s heart sank when she stepped into Leia’s office to find Poe occupying one of the chairs. For a split second she went still, the thought Leia somehow knew what happened between her and Poe freezing her in place. Trying to keep the panic off her face, she looked from Poe to Leia, both of their expressions serious, but not hostile.

Leia broke into a smile when she saw her. “Rey, there you are. Congratulations on your first flight. I heard it went well. Have a seat.” The General winked at her, Rey finally finding the courage to enter the room. The office was small, the desk and visitors’ chairs taking most of the floor space, so she took the only seat available to her - the one next to Poe. “Commander Dameron and I were just discussing the mission.”

“Mission? What mission?” Rey looked from Poe to Leia again, the only person still in the dark.

“I’m sending you two, along with Iolo and Jess, to Corellia to meet with our contact there. She has information about First Order movements in the area. We have new identities and scandocs for you guys. Learn them. Corellia is technically a New Republic planet, but I want us flying under the radar here.” She leaned forward on her desk, sliding a datapad and identification toward Rey. “The First Order is continuously one step ahead of us. We need to figure out why.”

Rey looked down at the name on her new scandoc, Brehanna Cors, her eyes raising to meet Leia’s. “With all due respect General, isn’t this a job for Intelligence?”

Leia sighed, leaning back in her chair. She looked even more tired than she had last night, Rey having to wonder if the woman slept anymore. “It is, but our Intelligence arm is stretched to the breaking point right now. Black Squadron is the only other crew I’d trust with this.”

Rey nodded. It tracked, Black Squadron was the best of the best in the Resistance. If Intelligence wasn’t available, they were definitely the next best thing. But if she was sitting here that had to mean-

“I’m officially Black Squadron?” She looked at Leia who deferred to Poe.

“You’re official. Welcome to Black Squadron.” For the first time since she sat down, Poe looked at her, the smile on his face not quite touching his eyes. “We leave in three days.” He turned his attention back to Leia. “General Organa, I’d like to check in on my contact on the Colossus before we go. See if he has any useful intel.”

“Permission granted.” Leia’s face softened into a smile. “Tell Kaz I said hello.”

The Colossus? Kaz? Who were these people and what was Poe doing with them? She looked over at the man in question, watching as his face relaxed into a more normal expression.

The smile finally hit Poe’s eyes. “Will do, General.”

“Dismissed.”

They left the office, scandocs and datapads in hand. Poe was out the door first, Rey struggling to catch him in the hall.

“Poe, wait up.” Weaving her way through a group of mechanics she knew through Rose, she waved off their invitation to join them in the mess for dinner. “Poe!” 

She caught him outside the hangar. “Kriff, I’ve been calling you for five minutes.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “Uh, sorry. I must not have heard you.”

That was banthashit, and they both knew it. The halls were loud, but they weren’t that loud.

“Yeah, sure. Is this gonna be a problem? I can take myself off the squad-”

He raised a hand to stop her that not-quite-real smile plastered on his face again. “There’s no need, we’re both adults here. I’ve just got a lot to get done before we leave.”

Rey tried to ignore Korr’s chipper voice filtering out from the hangar, giving her standard welcome speech to what must be some new recruits.

“Poe, We should talk about this. I don’t want-” She stopped mid-sentence, a second, more familiar voice reaching her ears.

“Classified, my ass. I had security clearance decades before you were born, girl, and I’m not getting any younger. So take us to Leia before we both die of old age.”

She turned her head toward the voices, scanning the room for the familiar face. “Uncle Baze?”

“Little sister!” He turned to Korr while pointing at Rey. “That right there is my clearance. Now, if you’ll excuse us.” He started toward her, Chirrut smirking one step behind him.

Rey turned back to Poe, only to find him slinking around a corner halfway down the hall. Well, that was not ideal.

“What’s eating him?” Baze gestured toward where Poe had just disappeared from view.

“Ah, the young Dameron finds himself between a rock and a hard place,” said Chirrut in his knowing voice. His insights never failed to creep Rey out. “Never a good place to be when dealing with friends or lovers.”

Rey’s face heated as Baze chuckled. “Leave it to Poe. Now, bring it here little sister.”

If either of her uncles noticed the blush, both were kind enough to ignore it as she hugged first Baze and then Chirrut, the former squeezing her so hard a vertebra popped with an audible crack somewhere in the middle of her back.

“What are you guys doing here, anyway?”

“Leia called, and we answered. Turns out a couple of old Guardians can still be useful when looking for an AWOL Jedi hiding in an ancient temple.”

Rey huffed out a laugh. “Touché. C’mon, I’ll take you to the General’s office.” Rey lead them through the now-familiar hallways, retracing her earlier steps back to Command.

“Where’s your parents’ room Little Sister? We’ll stop by after we talk to Leia.”

She stopped mid-step. “My parents aren’t here.”

“Are they on a mission?” asked Chirrut, a smirk on his face. “Is it classified?” Baze snorted.

Rey couldn’t stop the anger that ignited low in her gut. She hadn’t spoken to her parents since the day she left for the Resistance. Not a holo, not a message, not a kriffing word had been sent on the encrypted line she gave them before she left. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise - her mother had made it abundantly clear that she didn’t approve of her decision - but it still stung.

Oh, she knew comms went both ways, that she could be the bigger person, the one to reach out and mend fences, but she was sick and tired of having to be the adult. Let then be the bigger people for once.

“The Andors declined my invitation to join the Resistance,” came Aunt Leia’s voice from somewhere behind Rey, saving her from having to break the news. Walking out of Central Command, she joined their little group, arms crossed in front of the vest she always wore.

Baze and Chirrut were quiet for a moment, communicating in that silent way made all the more impressive by Chirrut’s lack of sight. Rey watched their expressions cycle from shock to acceptance.

“Can’t say it doesn’t surprise me,” Baze said carefully. “It’s hard to imagine Cassian sitting by while the First Order takes control of the galaxy.”

“I believe it was Jyn’s call.”

Leia and Baze shared a look of understanding.

“That makes more sense.”

Chirrut scoffed at his husband. “Don’t pretend to know Jyn’s reasons. The war took much from her.”

“The war took from us all, and we’re still here.”

Leia chose that moment to step in. “Gentlemen, let’s take this in my office. I’m sure Rey has other duties to attend to.”

Baze followed her into the Command Center, Chirrut staying behind for a moment.

He looked at her with his milky eyes, always a little unnerving in his accuracy. “The key you search for is not without, but within. Only from within can you unlock that which you’ve lost.”

Without so much as a parting word, he turned toward the door and entered Command, leaving Rey open mouthed and staring in his wake.


	8. What Happens on Corellia...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the mission to Corellia goes horribly wrong, Plan B results in an interesting evening for Rey and Poe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My working title for this chapter was "There was only one bed," which was technically true but had nothing to do with the actual plot of the chapter. But, you know what that means. This is the chapter I earn that E rating.
> 
> If E is not your thing, you can skip from the first “What happens in Corellia, stays in Corellia.” to "Arms wrapped around her, he held her against his chest, placing a line of soft kisses across her forehead."

Rey leaned forward in her seat, trying to ignore Poe’s knee bouncing in the corner of her vision. They’d been in hyperspace for hours, the swirling blue stars outside the transparisteel threatening to put her to sleep but never actually following through. She longed to get up and stretch her legs, but the ship was barely big enough to hold the four of them seated, let alone up and walking around.

Iolo was flying and the lack of control seemed to wear on Poe. His expression grew more grim by the moment, his leg threatening to wear a hole through the bottom of the ship. Rey placed a hand on his knee, stilling the motion before it drove her insane.

Frankly, they were all a little on edge. The General had tasked them with tracking down an informant on Corellia, an undertaking generally handled by a spy. Unfortunately, they were running a little low on those at the moment and Black Squadron happened to be the next best thing.

It was a dangerous job, one requiring fake identification and back stories and probably a whole hell of a lot more acting than any of them was comfortable with, but here they were. Having never been on a mission like this, Rey was oddly excited, if for no other reason than to get off planet for a couple of days, despite the simmering tension between her and Poe.

They hadn’t spoken since the incident, something people (okay, Rose) were starting to notice. Not that they were fighting - no, that would involve seeing each other. More like she was avoiding him, or he was avoiding her, or maybe they were just both avoiding each other at this point. Though in her defense, Poe had been off planet for a good chunk of that time, attending to his mysterious contact on Castilon (a name she had to pull off the holonet after searching for the Colossus).

Poe looked up at her touch, muttering a quick sorry before diving back into his own head. Rey took the opportunity to repeat her cover in her head. Brehanna Cors. Born 8 ABY. Gatalentan. Artisan. Married to Lyle Cors. She and her husband were on Corellia for the shipbuilding convention, a very convenient cover for their trip today.

She looked over at her husband for the day, Poe’s leg starting to bounce again as he stared resolutely at the seat in front of him. 

There was a sharp beep from the controls.

“Coming up on Corellia,” announced Iolo, taking them out of hyperspace. Directly in front of Rey, Jess prepared them for landing, bringing them down through the smoggy atmosphere, Coronet City growing bigger in the viewport. She’d only ever heard horror stories about the city (mainly from Karé and Uncle Han), but from what she could see, it had its own kind of run-down beauty, though this was definitely the nice part of town.

Rey ran a hand over her soft gray dress, attempting to smooth the wrinkles left from hours of hyperspace travel. It wasn’t an outfit she’d choose for herself, but the accompanying red cloak made her feel pretty in a way her drab Jedi robes (and even more drab Resistance uniform) never allowed.

They landed without incident, their codes and covers passing muster with the customs agents. Technically, they were agents of the New Republic, and technically, this planet was part of that Republic, but the General wanted them under the radar. There were spies everywhere, and they couldn’t afford the First Order getting wind of what they were after.

As they set off toward the city center, Rey realized that _s_ _he_ didn’t know what they were after. There was a contact on Corellia and they needed to speak her. That was the extent of her knowledge. Her official appointment to Black Squadron had distracted her from asking questions at the briefing and the information on the datapad was vague at best, leaving her to guess at why everyone looked so tense. Shrugging it off, she took Poe’s proffered elbow, allowing him to escort her into the city.

 

Running full speed down a back alley somewhere in what could only be described as the slums (or possibly the sewers), Rey took back her earlier assessment. Corellia was  _worse_ than Uncle Han had described.

They’d been double-crossed, or maybe it was just bad luck that had their contact pulling a vibroblade on them as a group of stormtroopers rounded the corner. Poe had taken the brunt of the hit, pushing her out of the way just in time to take a slash across the abdomen.

Snap had subdued their contact (and wasn’t she supposed to be on their side?), wresting the blade from her shaking hand and quickly binding her wrists.

“Plan B?” asked Snap, locking eyes with Poe.

Poe nodded. “Plan B.”

Without so much as another word, Poe grabbed her and they took off running, Snap and Jess splitting off in the opposite direction.

The stormtroopers would not give up that easily. Instead of splitting their party, they followed Poe and Rey, somehow deciding they were the weaker of the two parties.

Rey glanced over her shoulder as they took another turn, the troopers gaining on them with every step. And since when were stormtroopers a thing again? Really? Nobody had noticed that there were suddenly stormtroopers again?

Hands snatched her back as she rounded another corner two steps behind Poe, one covering her mouth before she could scream.

“Shh, it’s me. It’s Poe,” he whispered, dragging her further into the dark alcove.

When he finally dropped his hand, she turned to face him, hissing, “What the fuck?”

Raising his brows, he brought a finger to his lips, before pointing out into the alley.

She turned back toward the alley, pressing her back into Poe’s chest to keep in the shadows. Heart thrumming against her back, his hand found hers, fingers shaking in the semi-dark. Sure enough, the stormtroopers passed by their hiding spot, pausing just in front of the entrance before continuing down the alley, none the wiser.

Poe let out a shaky breath behind her, so close it ruffled the tiny wisps of hair on the back of her neck. They waited in silence for a full minute before Poe nudged her.

“Coast should be clear.” Taking a tentative step forward, then another, he peered out into the alley.

Rey crept forward when he motioned for her. Linking their arms again, they strolled their way across the city, just another couple enjoying the sights. Rey’s first instinct was to run, far and as fast as possible, but Poe held them to a leisurely pace, occasionally stopping to look at a shop window in the nicer part of town.

By the time they made it to their destination, Poe was noticeably limping, his breathing coming in sharp gasps he was trying to hide. Well, she assumed the swanky hotel was their destination. It wasn’t like Poe had shared a word with her about this “Plan B.”

At the front desk, Poe gave their fake names and scandocs, the pretty clerk smiling at them as she entered the info. Rey held her breath as the system ran its checks, a cheerful ping declaring them cleared before the woman handed their documents back to them.

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Poe favoring his left side, his arm hovering protectively over his ribs. Looking down, she caught a splash of bright red coming through his white shirt. Before anyone else could notice, she snaked her arm around his back, Poe suppressing a wince as she pressed up against his side, covering the widening stain. His arm went around her shoulders, the desk clerk noticing nothing beyond the easy affection of the nice couple in front of her as Poe kissed her forehead.

“You’re in room 3121, Mr. and Mrs. Cors. Turbolifts are just around the corner. Enjoy your stay.” said the clerk, handing Poe the room key.

Rey rested her head on his shoulder, using the arm around his back to keep him upright as they walked toward the turbolifts. Poe struggled to keep the limp out of his gait, burying his face in her hair when he needed to hide his expression. To an outsider, they simply looked like a couple who couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Rey sincerely hoped she wasn’t noticeably sweating as they got into the lift with an older man, his ridiculously intricate robes taking up half the floor space.

They made it to the 31st floor without incident, leaving the robed man in the turbolift as they stumbled down the hall.

“C’mon, Poe. A little farther,” she whispered, trying to keep her lips still for the cameras. Of course their room would be at the end of the longest hallway in history, Rey struggling every step of the way to keep Poe upright. He had at least thirty pounds on her, probably a little more, and by the time they stopped outside their door, her thighs screamed in protest with every step.

Poe waved the key in front of the access panel, the door sliding open with an efficient whir.

Rey waited until the door had closed behind them before dragging him those final three steps and dumping him on the bed. Wasting no time, she turned on him, her voice bordering on hysterical.

“What the fuck was that?” she nearly shouted at him, her chest still heaving from the walk. “Plan B? I didn’t even know there was a Plan A! And since when was this a search and extract? We were just supposed to make contact!”

“Need to know,” Poe gritted out, his face a sickly shade of white. “Listen, I totally deserve this, but can you at least save the yelling for after we make sure I’m not bleeding out?”

Ok, so he had a point.

She wasted no more time, Poe hissing as she peeled his shirt away, the fabric wet with blood.

“Oh, shit,” he muttered, seeing the soaked material. A fine sweat broke out on his forehead, his eyes fluttering closed.

“What? You think I was hugging you for fun?” He huffed out a laugh, wincing at the movement. She needed to examine the wound, but there was so much kriffing blood.

Running to the ‘fresher, she grabbed one of the white towels and ran it under the faucet. She would soak in the fact that this bathroom was bigger than the room she shared with Paige and Rose once she was sure Poe wasn’t about to die. A bright red spot caught her eye when she looked in the mirror, her cape plastered to her side with Poe’s blood. Rey sighed. She’d have to worry about getting the blood out of everything once she got him patched up.

Poe tensed as she tried to clean the wound as gently as possible, hands balling into fists on the comforter. The bleeding had slowed enough that she could finally see the cut in his side. It was an inch or two below his ribs and shallower than she expected, especially with the amount of blood on everyone’s clothes, but still more than the standard issue bacta patches inside her purse could handle. Searching the room, she found what was she was looking for on the desk.

Poe’s eyes widened as she returned to his side, the little sewing kit open in her hand. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing with that?”

Ignoring him, she searched the room again. She located the mini-bar under the small desk, grabbing three mini bottles of clear liquor and lining them up on the bedside table.

“Rey.” It sounded like a warning.

She continued to douse the needle in alcohol. “I need to sew the skin together or the bacta won’t do shit. It’s fine, I learned how to do it...”

“... with the Jedi. Yeah, I got that. Do you guys not believe in bacta or something?”

She laughed, threading the needle. “Nah, we just like to be prepared.” She picked up the first bottle. “This is gonna sting,” she said, waiting for him to nod before dumping the contents on to the wound.

Poe gritted his teeth and let out a roar low in his throat, the tendons in his neck practically jumping out of his skin. His chest heaved beneath her hand as she wiped away the excess with the towel. She let him catch his breath before cracking the second bottle. “One more, just to be safe?”

He nodded, grabbing her free hand before she dumped the second bottle. It went more smoothly than the first, just a soft grunt and some heavy breathing, Rey needing to flex her hand when he finally let go.

Now came the hard part. “You want a drink before I start?”

He shook his head, running his tongue across his lower lip. “No. Let’s just get this over with.” Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes, hands fisting in the bedsheet.

Grabbing the sterilized needle, she did as he asked, making quick work of the ten or so stitches needed to close the wound from her perch on the edge of the bed. Poe kept quiet, eyes closed and face angled away from her, the flexing tendons in his neck the only sign he was in any pain.

Once she’d tied the final knot, she reached into her bag, pulling out a bacta patch. He flinched at first contact, relaxing slightly as she smoothed the edges with her fingertips. Now that the danger had passed, Rey tried not to admire the way his stomach muscles rippled under her hands, the taught flesh even more defined than she remembered. Not that she’d thought about it. Much. She shifted, her mind drifting to places she didn’t want to go.

Poe put a hand over hers, squeezing her pink-stained fingers. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” she responded, her other hand going to muss up his hair. It looked all wrong slicked back and straight. She dug her fingers in, whatever product he’d used still a little sticky as she worked his hair back into curls. It was by no means perfect, but when she pulled her hand away, he looked a little more like Poe.

She looked down to find him staring up at her with that strange expression from the other day back on his face. It felt like gravity, whatever it was in his dark eyes that drew her closer, inexorable in its pull. Inevitability creeped through her veins, their breath mingling as they both inched closer until the sound of voices outside their door brought her back to her senses.

Her face heated when she realized he was still holding her hand pressed against his chest, the edge of his mother’s ring digging in to her index finger. Standing up, she jerked her hand from his grip, remembering she still mad at him.

Deciding to ignore the lingering tension from whatever had just passed between them, she crossed her arms in front of her chest. “So, are you going to explain what happened out there? Why I’m being kept in the dark?”

If she was being honest, he looked a little guilty, shifting uncomfortably under her gaze. “There’s a mole somewhere in our Intelligence operation,  so we’re questioning all of our informants. Though, I’m pretty sure we found the leak.”

He only answered half the question, but she knew better than to ask again. “And Plan A versus Plan B?”

“Plan A was to question her, Plan B was to take her out of play. When the stormtroopers showed up, it automatically put us into Plan B territory. The rooms were part of the cover and a way for us to lie low. We’re meeting Snap and Jess back at the ship at 0500. Enough time for the troopers to lose interest, but not long enough for them to bring backup from off-world.”

She nodded, her anger satisfied for the moment. “Can you sit up?”

“I think so.” His movements were careful but not strained as he shifted himself into a sitting position. He touched his fingers to the bacta patch on his side. “Yeah, it feels a lot better already.”

She held out a hand. “Good. I need your shirt.”  

Rey noted with some satisfaction that he blanched at the request. Slowly, he lifted the shirt over his head, placing the stained material in her hand.

“There’s no way that’s gonna come out,” he said from the bed as she turned on the water. She waited until it was cold to plunge the shirt beneath the stream, reaching for the little package of bar soap sitting on the sink. “I bet you can cover yours with the purse, but we’ll have to figure out something for me. Do you think the concierge would deliver clothes?” She heard him rustling flimsy in the other room as she diligently scrubbed at the stain, the water running red. “This place is pretty fancy, maybe they have a boutique.”

Satisfied with her progress, she stripped off her cape, sighing when she noticed in the mirror that the blood had soaked through to her dress. She stripped that off as well, letting Poe babble to himself as she scrubbed.

Five minutes later she was wringing out the cloak when Poe stuck his head into the ‘fresher. 

“Kriff, is there anything you can’t do?”

_Pass the trials, save my friends, access the Force, get over Ben, find Luke,_ her brain supplied. Instead of replying she shook out her damp cloak, examining what was left of the stain. The fabric was dark enough that you couldn’t even tell it had been soaked in blood ten minutes ago. “Nope. And you should stay off that ankle.”

She caught his reflection in the mirror, willing herself not to blush as he leaned against the doorjamb, ring swinging slightly against his chest while he watched her wring out and hang up his shirt in nothing but her underwear. Kriff, he’d just seen her naked not even three days ago. What was her problem?  

She could feel his eyes on her as she finally wrung out the dress, shaking it before crossing the room to hang it.

“My ankle's fine. I'm pretty sure I just rolled it. I'm trying to thank you for fixing me up.”

Straightening the dress where it hung, she shrugged off the praise. “You took the hit for me in the first place. It was nothing.”

“You should take the compliment, Rey.”

She wasn’t expecting him to be so close when she turned around. And she certainly wasn’t expecting his face to be getting even closer.

Yet, it wasn’t a surprise when his lips found hers. No, it felt inevitable, like they’d been building to this all along. Somehow, she’d already forgotten how good this felt with him, his tongue wasting no time in helping her remember.

_Kriff, he even smells like home_ , she thought as the warmth from his body started to envelope her. Taking a deep breath, the scent of the standard Resistance soap and jet fuel filled her nose, a whiff of leather lingering, regardless of the fact that his jacket was back on D’Qar.

Her hands roamed the expanse of bare skin on his back, careful not to bump the bacta patch along his side. She swallowed a giggle as his calluses tickled the sensitive skin on her waist, raising gooseflesh across her stomach.

Turning his attention to her neck, Poe walked her back a step or two until he had her pressed against the wall. Her hands went to his curls, still a little sticky from whatever product he used, tugging as lips and tongue found a perfect spot behind her ear.

Moaning out loud, she could feel his smile against her skin before he caught her lips once more, something clicking in Rey’s mind.

This was wrong. He wanted more from her than she was willing to give, and they both knew it. She should have never let it get this far, should have stopped it before it even started.

Placing her hands on his chest, she pushed, just enough force for him to take the hint and pull back.

Regret coursed through her as she put a hand on his cheek. “Gods, I want this. So bad I can practically taste it. But nothing’s changed for me, Poe.”

“I don’t care.”

“What?” Her heart hammered in her chest.

“I know, and I don’t care. We just almost got caught. An inch in any direction with that blade and I would have died. If this is the only way, then I agree to your terms.”

“One time? Just to get it out of our systems?”

He nodded, a genuine smile on his face. She knew him well enough to tell the difference. “What happens in Corellia, stays in Corellia.”

Without further ado, she smashed her lips to his, ignoring the klaxons going off in the back of her mind. They were both adults, if he said he was ok with this, then there was no reason for her not to take him at his word.

Grabbing his hand, she dragged him back into the main room, stopping every few feet to kiss his neck, his chest, his lips. When the back of his knees hit the edge of the mattress, she pushed him over, Poe smiling even as he hit the bed with an “oof.” She reminded herself to go easy on him, to remember the wound in his side. But if this was her one chance, she was gonna make it count.

Now that he was on his back, she scrambled on top of him, straddling his clothed hips in only her underthings. Careful to avoid the bandage, she worked her way up his chest, pressing kisses every few inches. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she realized that this wasn’t how you treated a one-night stand (not that she’d ever had one), but she quickly squashed the voice that told her this was more. More than she wanted, more than she was ready for.

And Poe, well he just looked happy to be along for the ride, catching her lips when she finally made it to the head of the bed. Wrenching himself up to a sitting position, his hands reached for the fasteners on her breast band. It was a pretty thing, one half of a matching set that apparently went with the dress. Why she needed special undergarments for a mission, she’d never know, but for once she was glad for the inconvenience.

Soon, the breast band was across the room, Poe dropping kisses across her breasts. She ground down on him when he took first one and then the other nipple into his plush mouth, earning groan of pleasure from his lips.

“Switch?” he asked, pausing his exploration of her body. She didn’t want to think about why he couldn’t just flip her, how he was probably weak from blood loss and in pain and a whole host of other things that made this their worst idea yet. But he wasn’t stopping, so neither would she.

“Sure.”

With a quick kiss, she rolled on to her back, Poe slotting himself over her. He took his time kissing down her body, a slow crawl that started at her lips and ended at the edge of her panties, a lengthy excursion to her breasts thrown in the middle.

She had to resist the urge to wave him off her breasts, to apologize for there not being much to them. Ben had always lamented the lack of anything real to hold on to, but Poe, he looked at her like she was a revelation, taking his time as he coaxed first one and then the other nipple into peaks, lips and teeth and tongue all working toward the same goal. A moan escaped her lips as he worked her over, the ache building between her legs. The thought crossed her mind that given a little more time, she may have been able to come just like this, with only Poe’s mouth on her breasts, something she wouldn’t have thought possible five minutes ago.

But there were places to go and people to see, so to speak, and Poe found his way down to the top of her underwear. Fingering the waistband, he looked up at her, a question in his eyes.

“May I?” Careful not to dip below the cloth boundary, he continued to play with the edge of the seam. “Put my mouth on you, that is,” he clarified, placing a kiss just below her belly button.

No one had ever asked before.

It was intoxicating, the fact that she could say no knowing Poe would simply shrug and find something she wanted to do more.

But now she had to choose. On one hand, she worried  _that_ was a little too intimate for what this was. One time, no strings attached.

On the other hand, if his mouth could do that to her breasts, well, she shivered with anticipation when she imagined what it could accomplish elsewhere.

Plus, she had no way of knowing whether or not he’d be able to get her off during sex. It didn’t always come easy for her. This may be her only shot.

Honestly, it was a no-brainer.

“Yes. Please.”

With a shy smile, he hooked a finger under the panties, sliding them down her legs and off her feet, where they joined her breast band somewhere on the floor.

She bent her knees, allowing them to fall open before Poe. Oh, how he looked down at her. Like he was a starving man, and she was a three-course meal. Her heart gave a twist in her chest.

Bending down, he arranged her legs just so, tongue darting out to lick his lips before he dove in.

She squirmed as his lips found her bud, sucking before he flattened his tongue and licked a stripe that had her arching back in the pillows. Poe’s low chuckle sent vibrations through her core as he continued to work her, her eyes fluttering closed as he brought her higher.

Gods, it had been a while since she had anything besides her own fingers in the ‘fresher. She’d almost forgotten how good this felt, Poe’s talented tongue serving as an excellent reminder. Her hand found his curls, tugging just a little when he sucked on her clit.

Had she not opened her eyes right then, she would have missed it, the grimace of pain as he adjusted himself, the way the bacta patch crinkled under the movement.

“Poe. Poe, hold on.”

His head popped up from between her legs, lips shiny with her arousal, a look of confusion on his face. She couldn’t be sure if his heavy breathing was due to the pain or the fact that he had been face deep in her pussy for the last five minutes, but she could hazard a guess.

“Am I doing something wrong?”

Of course, he’d default to that, she thought with a laugh. But she kept that to herself as she said, “Poe, we don’t have to do this. You’re obviously in pain, and I don’t want you to pop those stitches.”

“No, I want to,” he paused, a ridiculous little pout on his face. “Maybe if we switch positions? Something where I’m not bent over?”

He scrambled off the bed and onto his knees, head poking up from the edge of the mattress.

“Now, scoot forward.”

She did as told, bringing her ass to the edge of the mattress. He hooked both of her legs over his shoulders, his mouth close enough that she could feel his breath on her cunt.

“See, no pain.” A smile lit up his face.

“Are you sure?”

He kissed the inside of her thigh. “100 percent.”

“Then why are we still talking about it?” She nudged his head with her knee, earning another laugh from Poe.

He buried his face between her thighs, stealing her breath when he chose to concentrate all his considerable skill on her clit. Soon, he was adding one finger and then two, buried to the second knuckle as Rey started to cry out.

Hands fisted in the bedspread, her foot kicked out behind Poe’s back, desperately searching for purchase.

For a split second all she could see was stars, like the expanse of space from the cockpit of her X-wing. She came with a sharp exhalation, her muscles jerking as he worked her through it, only stopping when she fell back against the mattress, completely boneless.

With a final kiss to the inside of her thighs, he let her legs drop, climbing back onto the bed. He lowered himself gingerly, taking care not to disturb the bandage that was already looking a little worse for the wear. When he kissed her, she could still taste herself on lips, despite the fact that he’d used the comforter as a napkin a minute ago.

They continued to kiss, tongues tangling, until she felt him wince against her mouth. Pulling away, she gently pushed him onto his back.

“Lay back, flyboy. Your turn.”

For once, he listened, leaning back against the pillows with a smug look on his face. He watched as she unfastened his pants, lifting up as she slid them down his hips and off his bare feet. They joined the rest of their clothes scattered on the floor, his dark boxer briefs quickly following.

His cock was already hard, the bead of moisture on the head begging for attention. Despite having just got off, she rubbed her thighs together at the sight of him, the movement not going unnoticed by Poe.

She was able to wipe the smirk off his face with a single stroke, her tongue working him from base to tip. Instantly, he was breathing heavier, his eyes rolling in the back of his head. To hide her own smirk, she took as much of him into her mouth as she could, using her hand to get the inches she couldn’t take. Up and down she went, finding a rhythm that had his legs jerking in restrained pleasure.

“Uh, Rey?”

She continued to work him over, the salty taste of him increasing with each stroke.

“ _Rey_.”

She popped off his cock with a filthy sound. “Yeah?”

“It’s, uh, been a while. I don’t think I’m gonna…” he trailed off with an uncharacteristic blush. “You know. Last.”

Tilting her chin up, she kissed the worry off his face. “Don’t worry, it’s fine.”

And it was. She always made a point to come into sex with the bar set low. That way, she could never be disappointed. But she had a feeling that Poe did not see things the same way.

“I want this to be good for you, too.”

She touched his cheek, the rough growth rasping against her hand. “It was already good for me.”

That brought a smile to his face. “I want it to be good for you  _again._ ”

Her laugh bubbled up of its own accord.

“Well, if that’s the case…” Careful to avoid the bacta patch, she threw one leg over his hips, her knees bracketing his thighs. “Are we doing this?”

With Rey on her knees, Poe was forced to look up at her from under his eyelashes, pupils blown wide with desire. “Oh Gods, yes please.”

“Up to date on your shots?”

His hand stroked absently at her hip. “Of course. You?”

“Yup.”

His smile threatened to blind her. “Then what are we waiting for?”

He reached between them, grabbing the base of his cock in one hand, the other hand guiding her down by her hip. There was a sharp exhale from one or both of them when her body accepted the tip, Poe controlling her slow slide down to the hilt. Neither of them moved once he was fully sheathed inside her, Rey grateful for the time to adjust.

Quite frankly, he was bigger than she was used to, which, coupled with the fact that it had been a while, could have made this a little uncomfortable. But Poe took his time, tracing patterns across her chest with his tongue, letting her get used to the feel of him inside her.

“Ready?” she asked after a second, trying not to arch back as he took a nipple into his mouth. Looking up at her again, he nodded, a smile drifting across his face, hands gripping firmly on to her hip bones.

Using her knees, she rose, Poe’s gentle hands guiding her back down. He thrusted up on her next down stroke, her hips rolling down to meet him. Her hands gripped the headboard for leverage as they quickly found a rhythm that worked, the quiet of the room punctuated by gasps and moans and heavy breaths. Grinding down on him, she pulled a groan from his throat, his hips jerking in response.

Not to be outdone, he popped two fingers into his mouth before placing them on either side of her clit, Rey’s breath coming in short gasps while he worked her toward completion.

As she barreled towards the finish line, she wondered why she had been worried. He applied the same single-minded precision and skill to her body as he did to flying his X-wing. Of course, he’d be able to get her off.

And get her off he did, Rey coming almost violently, bearing down on him as she buried her face in his shoulder. She had all but stopped moving, Poe continuing to thrust up into her until he came with a groan a minute later. Together, they collapsed back against the pillows, Rey draped across his heaving chest, both of their hearts still racing.

Arms wrapped around her, he held her against his chest, placing a line of soft kisses across her forehead. His fingers traced soft lines across her bare skin.

They stayed like that a while, eyes falling closed in the afterglow, until a tiny voice in the back of her mind reminded her she had stitched him up not even an hour ago.

“Kriff! Sorry,” she said, scrambling off his chest, their skin sticky with drying sweat. The patch had all but come off, though a quick inspection revealed that the stitches were still intact, the edges of the wound already starting to seal thanks to the bacta. “Did I hurt you?”

“Not really. It’s just sore now.” His fingers probed the wound. “Anyway, it would have been worth it, even if you did.”

Laughing, she swatted at him, settling on her side of the bed. “It was pretty good, wasn’t it?”

“If it was only pretty good, then I must be slacking.” He kissed the top of her shoulder.

“Cocky.”

“I didn’t hear you complaining.”

“Touché.”

Without his body heat, she started to shiver, the cool air of the room bringing up gooseflesh on her damp skin.

He grabbed the covers where they had bunched at the bottom of the bed, bringing the heavy blankets up to her chin. She nestled down further, Poe laughing as he turned on his side to face her.

“Better?”

“Much,” she answered, smiling even though he couldn’t see it. “Though, now I’m starving.”

“Me too. We should see what room service has.”

For a split second, there was a blast of cold air as he lifted the blanket, taking care to tuck her back in before he crossed the room in search of a menu.

“What happens on Corellia, stays on Corellia, right?” That earned her a laugh. “Speaking of, we’re still on Corellia.”

He didn’t turn around while he searched the desk, coming up with the menu. “Your point being?”

She popped her head out of the blankets so she could watch his progress as he walked back toward the bed. He really was moving better, no sign of a limp and he wasn’t favoring his left side anymore. Though, she’d feel better once he had a fresh bandage on. She was pretty sure there was another one in her purse. “Well, if what happens on Corellia stays on Corellia, and we’re still  _on_  Corellia, then what harm would there be if it happened again?” Her stomach rumbled audibly. “After we eat.”

He sat down next to her on the bed, brushing a few loose strands of hair out of her face. “Well, I’d say we’re only on this planet a few more hours.” Leaning over, he pressed a soft kiss onto her mouth. “So we’d better make the most of it.”


	9. Darth Edgelord

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A secret threatens to unravel Poe and Rey's tentative relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I went back into this story after realizing I've been neglecting it, I found that it was pretty much complete (save the last chapter). That being said, I'm going to focus on getting this out over the next few weeks.
> 
> Something else I realized is that this story veers into a Force Awakens retelling over the next few chapters (with a couple twists). So, fair warning for that.
> 
> That being said, I hope you enjoy the rest of this strange little AU!

Rey’s back slammed against the wall of the broom closet they were occupying, rattling the shelves full of old cleaning supplies perched above her head. Lips and teeth and tongue trailed down her jawline, Poe’s three-day growth tickling the underside of her chin. If he wasn’t careful, he’d leave marks on her skin she’d spend days trying to cover up, but Poe was always careful. At least, he was always careful with her.

A three-day mission had found Black Squadron in the heart of First Order territory, trying to get their hands on another piece of the puzzle, inching one step closer to finding Luke and getting some answers. They’d recovered the data and narrowly escaped - thanks to a flashy bit of flying courtesy of Poe (of course). Landing over an hour ago, they had barely made it out of the debrief with General Organa before they found their way into this closet, locking the door behind them.

It had been like this since that “one and only” time in Corellia. There wasn’t a broom closet or storage facility (not to mention both of their rooms and the communal ‘freshers) on base they hadn’t christened, one time turning into 20 turning into a number she’d long ago lost track of.

She’d lost track of a lot over the past four months.

Time seemed to get away from her, her entire world narrowed down to missions and the time between, most of which they spent much like this - hiding behind any door that locked, Poe’s hands hot and insistent on her.

Not that she was complaining. In fact, it was the opposite. Every moment he wasn’t touching her was another moment wasted in her opinion. She craved his touch the way normal people craved koyo or Corellian whiskey.

Reaching between them, she worked open his belt buckle, fingers fumbling in her haste. He continued to explore her mouth, pausing only when she palmed him, his hips stuttering with a soft moan. She caught his bottom lip between her teeth, teasing him in all the ways she’d learned he loved.

“Kriff, Rey,” he breathed, hands traveling toward her waist. “Are you wet for me?”

Her thighs squeezed together in response.

“Always.”

At her word, he flipped her around, pressing her chest into the wall with a firm hand between her shoulder blades. His other hand tugged down her waistband, all gentleness forgotten as her underwear followed. His hand slid down and around to her cunt, fingers sliding in her wetness.

“You weren’t lying,” he growled in her ear, fingers playing with her clit. Her breath caught. “Are you ready for me?”

She nodded, her head scraping against the wall.

“I said, are you ready for me?”

She knew the name of the game. He needed to hear it. He always needed to hear it.

“Yes,” she bit out, hands trying to find purchase on the stone walls.

With a grunt, he plunged into her from behind, pausing just long enough to let her catch her breath before setting a brutal pace, fingertips digging in to her hips with enough force to leave bruises. The harsh slap of skin on skin echoed in the tiny room. His lips traced her neck, the soft kisses a stunning contrast to his rough hands. Two fingers dipped down to play with her clit, Rey’s breath already coming in sharp gasps.

“That’s it,” he murmured into her ear, his own breath hot on her neck. “Spent half the trip home trying not to think about how good you feel like this.” He buried his face in her shoulder, nipping at the soft flesh. “You gonna come for me?”

She was, and soon. By now, he knew all of her tells, all the ways she liked to be touched. But she still had a few tricks up her sleeve.

Palms flat on the wall, she pushed back against him, dragging a moan from both their lips as he sank even deeper into her. With some satisfaction, she noted the way his hips stuttered, how he struggled to regain his earlier pace before she was beyond caring again, his practiced fingers threatening to make her come undone.

Rey bit back a curse when he changed the angle, bending her over to hit that spot inside of her he normally only found with his fingers.

Poe, seeming to realize that she was on the edge, barely hanging on, leaned over to whisper in her ear, “Come for me, beautiful.”

That’s all she needed as she came with a sob that sounded suspiciously like Poe’s name, the pressure from the last two days boiling over. He fucked her through it, his hips and hand never stilling, his grip on her the only thing keeping her upright. When he came a minute later, her name on his lips, they both crashed to the floor, limbs tangled on the cold stone.

Poe pulled her close. “Fuck, Rey,” he panted, pressing soft kisses into her hair. It didn’t matter how rough the sex or filthy his mouth got during it, he always turned soft and sweet the second he came, his need to hold her unparalleled.

She’d gotten used to it. “I know.”

“That’s the last time?”

She laughed. “Definitely.”

By now, it was a running joke. Every time was the last time, and every time they found themselves back in this position (or one of the many others they had enjoyed over the months), whether it was two hours or two days later.

After Corellia, they’d lasted two days. Two whole days spent pretending it was a onetime thing, that it changed nothing, and then Rey was pushing Poe into a maintenance closet in the hangar, his flight suit tearing in her haste to rip it off.

Afterward, as they panted in each other’s arms, it had been a mutual decision to end it right there. The last time, period. That was, well, a lot of times ago.

Now, Rey shifted in his arms. As much as she’d love to stay here indefinitely (and there was no time to unpack all that), there were people on base that would notice their absence. Plus, they were naked on the floor of a broom closet.

“I’ll go out first,” she said, brushing some dust of her tacky skin. She’d need the ‘fresher for sure. “You wait five minutes and come out after me.”

Poe made no move to get up, instead watching her dress with his back propped against the wall. There was a look on his face - one she’d been seeing more and more of - that she couldn’t quite put her finger on.

“What?” she asked, tucking in her shirt. It was a crumpled mess, but at least she could pretend she was in regulation as she dashed through the halls. With a little luck, no one she knew would catch her.

Poe shook his head, a rueful smile on his face. “Nothing.”

It didn’t sound like nothing, but Rey wasn’t going to push. They didn’t talk about this, whatever it was they were doing, at least not with each other. To talk about it would mean there was something more than just sex between them, and Rey certainly wasn’t ready to go there.

Fully dressed, she cracked the door, looking both directions down the hallway. With Uncles Baze, Chirrut, and now Bodhi on base, it was getting damn near impossible to walk through the halls without running in to one or more of her parents’ friends. But the coast was clear as Rey looked back at Poe, that same, strange expression on his face. Neither said a word as she slipped out, closing the door behind her with a click.

 

Paige and Rose were off on some training exercise, so Rey had woken up from her nap both hungry and alone. Not wanting to go to the mess herself, she went out in search of someone, anyone to eat dinner with her. Or so she told herself.

Rounding the corner into the hangar, she heard who she was looking for.

“Who the fuck does this guy think he is?” Poe’s voice rang out across the hangar, Rey following it to a group gathered in front of a small holotable. “Darth Edgelord?” The group surrounding him burst out laughing.

“What are you guys watching,” asked Rey, coming up behind Poe. He’d showered, curls still damp and smelling like the standard shampoo they all used on base. She had no trouble seeing over his shoulder to the projection of a tall man in a dark coat speaking fervently into the camera.

“The First Order is addressing the galaxy,” said Poe, rolling his eyes to make her laugh. “They’ve got some general named Hux talking about order and glory, complete with his own Vader-lite.”

Rey turned back to the holo, watching as the camera zoomed in on a figure standing just behind and to the left of this General Hux. Rey took in a sharp breath, her heart diving from her chest directly into the bottom of her stomach.

“That’s him,” she breathed out, the sound carrying no further than Poe’s ears. She took a step forward, pushing Poe to the side to get closer to the projection. Rey’s heart sped up as she took in each detail of the man in question: the long, sweeping robes she knew were jet black even in the bright blue of the hologram; the distinctive lightsaber hanging from his belt that would light up with cross guards when ignited; and finally, the dark mask with eyes lined in chrome, an obvious nod to the Empire’s former attack dog, Lord Vader, himself.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, jumping at the touch.

“Rey?” said Poe, his hand a reassuring presence on her shoulder. “What’s going on? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Panic creeping into her voice, she turned to face him. “That’s him, the one I’ve been dreaming about. I think he destroyed the temple.”

His eyes went wide for a second before he grabbed her arm, dragging her away from the gathered crowd.

“Ow, Poe you’re hurting me. Where are we going?”

Without so much as a word, he marched her across base, ignoring Rey’s questions. Coming to a stop in front of his door, Poe hit the access code and checked for inhabitants before pulling her inside the empty room.

The earlier, carefree expression was long gone, replaced with a scowl she had never seen turned on her. Crossing his arms in front of his chest, he waited for the door to slide closed to speak. “Explain.”

“Explain what?” She wasn’t even sure what he was asking her to explain.

“How about you start with why you didn’t tell anyone you were dreaming about the First Order’s enforcer? We’ve been fucking for months, did it just conveniently slip your mind?” Rey flinched.

It wasn’t fair. He, of all people, had no right to yell at her like that, especially not for keeping secrets. For someone who claimed to be a terrible liar, he had no trouble keeping her in the dark on every one of their missions so far. That infamous Erso temper roared to life, a fire blazing in her chest.

“And what does us sleeping together have to do with it? Oh, I forgot. We’re _fucking_ now.” It was Poe’s turn to flinch, his face immediately rearranging back into the angry mask. “You know I have nightmares. You’ve seen the aftermath. Yet, you’ve never once asked me about them. How was I supposed to know I was dreaming about the First Order? It’s not like you people deign to tell me anything that’s going on. I’m a Commander, too, you know.”

He scoffed. “Not this again. Maybe if you showed the smallest bit of interest in the cause, you’d get invited to the meetings.”

“Interest in the cause? I’m here, aren’t I? I’m on these missions I know nothing about, risking my life, same as you.”

“Oh yes, Rey the Great and Powerful has graced us with her presence. Let’s give her a fucking medal.”

His words were a slap in the face, Rey staggering a step backwards. Poe was many things, but cruel was not normally one of them.

Her voice was deadly quiet when she spoke. “Fuck you.” She slammed her hand on the door release and strode into the hall, running in to Snap where he stood frozen outside the door.

“Fuck you right back,” Poe shouted after her.

The look on Snap’s face told her everything she needed to know about how long he’d been standing there. “Not a word out of you,” she said, pointing a finger at his chest. “Not a fucking word.”

She turned and stomped down the hall, only remembering when she made it to the hangar that her room was across from Poe’s. She let out a low growl in the back of her throat. No way was she walking back to that corridor. There was way too high of a chance of running in to _that asshole_.

Instead, she continued her current route out the hangar doors and into the cool humidity of the evening, ignoring a call from her uncles gathered in the corner.

Following a familiar path, she found herself on top of one of the entries to the hangar, the grass and moss cushioning her rocky perch. She half expected Bodhi or Chirrut to follow her, but no one came, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

How had she been so stupid? She thought she was making a place for herself here, becoming a valued member of the Resistance. Sure, it had been a rough start, and maybe she hadn't taken things as seriously as she should have, but that had changed. She had changed.

And then there was Poe. She knew it was going to be a mistake even before it started. They never should have gotten involved. Someone was sure to get hurt. She just hadn’t expected it to be her.

The sun had set by the time she heard footsteps on the ridge, a few rocks falling down the side as her visitor made his clumsy way up the hill.

“I thought I told you to fuck off.” She swiped under her eyes, pissed that she couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

The warm weight of a leather jacket dropped around her shoulders as Poe sat down next to her with a grunt. More than anything, she wanted to shrug the jacket off, but it was cold and she’d come out here in nothing but a thin tunic and pants.

“I believe your exact words were ‘fuck you,’ but who’s keeping track?”

A bitter laugh emerged from her chest, her breath fogging in the evening air. “That sure doesn’t sound like an apology.”

She’d hoped for one of his wry smiles (and that apology), but his face was serious when he turned to her. “I’m sorry, Rey. I had no right to talk to you like that. I was out of line.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “And I’m sorry I freaked out about the dreams, but I’m terrified that you’re seeing him at all.” He looked up at her, that terror written all over his face. “I don’t know much about the Force, but I know this isn’t someone you want in your head.”

Fear shot through her, twisting her stomach into knots. For not knowing much about the Force, he touched on something that had been rattling around her head for months now.

“Who the hells is he?”

He sighed. “His name is Kylo Ren, self-proclaimed master of the Knights of Ren.” Poe stared straight ahead, refusing to meet her eyes. “We’ve never actually seen any of these knights, so I’m pretty sure he’s full of shit.” Rey huffed out a laugh in spite of herself. “First reports showed up about a month ago, though we think he’s been around for longer than that. It was just the first time he left any survivors. We can connect him and his weapon to a dozen unclaimed attacks.” Poe turned to face her. “Nobody wants to say he’s a former Jedi, but he uses a lightsaber, Rey. It’s poorly constructed and highly unstable, but it’s definitely a lightsaber.”

She knew exactly what he was insinuating. “It’s not Ben.”

“Even you have to admit, it could be Ben.”

“Fine. Technically, it could be Ben,” she admitted, more for herself than for Poe. “But I’d know. I would have felt something.” Her hand went to her chest, to where the Jedi necklace lay hidden beneath her tunic.

Noticing the movement, Poe nodded toward her hand. “I thought the Force had abandoned you.” He wasn’t saying it to be mean - in fact, he was using words she said to him on more than one occasion - but it still hurt to hear it out loud.

She took a deep breath and blew it out to a count of three. “The dreams are different. They’re the only time since the temple fell that I can feel anything close to my old connection to the Force. And it doesn’t feel like Ben under that mask.”

“You were sure it was him that first night.”

“Yeah, well, I was sure of a lot of things back then.” One perfect eyebrow quirked up at her. Now it was her turn to sigh as she pulled the jacket tighter around her. It was long past the time for her to come clean. “And anyway, that was before the dreams started.”

Remaining silent, he focused his attention on Rey as she detailed the dream that haunted her nights, side-stepping the most important part until the very end.

“It’s me, Poe. In the dream, I’m the one doing this, and when I see my reflection…” Poe put an arm around her as tears streamed down her face. “I’m the one in the mask. I’m Kylo Ren.”

Burying her face in his shoulder, she finally gave in to the sobs that had been building in her chest. It was bad enough she had to spend her sleeping hours watching her friends die, but now their murderer had found a way to ruin her waking hours as well.

Pressing a kiss into her hair, Poe wrapped his other arm around her. “Hey, it’s okay. We both know that’s not you.”

Her breath heaved in her chest, making her next words almost unintelligible. “But what if he’s in my head? What if I’ve been corrupted by him?”

How many times had she broken the Code over the years? Could she even consider herself a Jedi anymore? Emotional, passionate, and above all attached. Attached to her family. Attached to Ben. And now, as much as she hated to admit it, attached to Poe.

If she had any connection to the Force left, she’d worry about the dark side, but even Poe could see the Force had abandoned her.

“Kriff, Rey. Have you been carrying that around this whole time?” When she nodded against his chest, Poe let go of her, leaning back so he could see her face. With a gentle touch, he wiped away the tears that continued to fall, looking her dead in the eyes. “Listen to me. You are not corrupted. You are nothing like that monster. We’re gonna find Luke and figure this out.”

Her face crumpled at the fierce way he looked at her, his belief in her goodness absolute. By the time he pulled her back into his arms, she was sobbing again, the relief flooding through her too much to contain.

He held her long after her tears dried, the quiet of the D’Qar night falling around them.

“No more secrets?” she asked when she finally pulled away, loathe to leave the warmth of his arms.

He tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear. “No more secrets. If I know it, you know it.”

“Same for me.” She paused, knowing she owed an apology. “And I’m sorry I told you to fuck off.”

“I’m not gonna pretend like I didn’t deserve it.” Rey huffed out a laugh, Poe’s fingers tracing the swell of her cheek. “There she is. I missed your smile.”

“It’s been like two hours,” she said, rolling her eyes at him. Always so dramatic.

“If I could spend the rest of my life making you smile, I’d die a happy man. You’re like pure sunshine and everything that’s right in the galaxy.” He looked down, shaking his head with a soft laugh. “I know, I know. _Cut it out, Dameron_. _You’re being too drama-”_

She covered his lips with her own, cutting him off. “No. Don’t. I…” Another smile threatened at her lips, Rey pressing them together in a failed attempt to hide it. “I like it.”

His returning smile was dazzling enough to light up the night sky. Rey couldn’t help but think he had it all wrong. It wasn’t her smile that lit up the world, it was his.

She rested her head on his shoulder. “I think Snap knows.”

Her head bounced as he chuckled. “Oh, Snap definitely knows. Don’t worry, he won’t tell anyone.”

A dull ache bloomed in her chest. It was the first time either of them acknowledged that they were sneaking around.

Rey liked to pretend that they kept accidentally running into each other in closets and storage rooms (and cockpits and that empty freighter in the back of the hangar), just two consenting adults who enjoyed each other’s company, but the truth was that whatever they were doing took planning. It took planning and cover stories and more lies than she could remember at this point.

And yet she couldn’t stop. No, that wasn’t right. She didn’t want to stop.

When he was on base, she found every excuse in the book to spend every waking moment with him (and more than a few of the moments they should have been sleeping). And when he was off base, well, she chose not to examine the way she counted the days and worried herself to the point of distraction, dropping spanners and crashing into unsuspecting people in the halls.

Poe shivered against her, Rey realizing for the first time he was only in a thin shirt.

“You’re freezing. We should head back inside.”

Instead of getting up, he threaded his arms around her under the jacket, his hands like ice even through her tunic. “Not yet. I can’t hold you in there.”

That ache in her chest was back. That look on his face was her fault. She was the one who insisted they keep things quiet, who kept pushing him into broom closets and hiding from their friends. Suddenly, hiding didn’t seem so important anymore.

“What if I told you Rose and Paige were on a training exercise with the bombers for the next three days?”

His lips were on hers instantly, a rush of heat against the cold night air of D’Qar. “Then I’d ask you why we’re still sitting outside in the cold.”

Poe stood, extending a hand. Taking it, she rose to her feet, legs stiff from the hours of inactivity and cold. Damp from the moss had soaked through her pants, but she’d be warm soon enough, her muscles aching for all the best reasons.

They picked their way down the side of the hill, Rey pausing halfway to pull Poe into another kiss.

“What was that for?” he asked, another smile spreading across his face.

“Just because.” Her heart threatened to beat out of her chest as she gave him her best smile, deciding to honor the no secrets rule as quickly as possible. “I want to wake up next to you.”

It wasn’t out of the question. She had his schedule memorized, knew they were both off duty until tomorrow evening. But it was something they didn’t do, aside from that first night, not when they were hiding around the base, fucking in any space that had a functioning door. 

His smile threatened to blind her. “I believe that can be arranged.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on Tumblr at [BatuuPrincess](https://batuuprincess.tumblr.com)


	10. Jakku

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Poe travel to Jakku to get an important artifact from an old friend. When the First Order shows up, the plan falls apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are now firmly in the Force Awakens territory. I had a ton of fun sprinkling in actual lines from the movie over the next couple of chapters and showing a slightly different angle on the canon. I hope you enjoy!

The trip to Jakku would take them a full day, thanks to Poe. Paranoid and overly cautious, he had plotted the most roundabout course known to man to avoid the major systems, the normally 8-10 hour flight stretching to 24 hours. But it would all be worth it if they got the map.

They had found it. Well actually, they had found him, Lor San Tekka, hiding in a tiny settlement somewhere in the endless Jakku desert. Hopefully, that would be the missing piece, the final bit they needed to find Luke and end this cold war.

Rey shifted, struggling to get comfortable on the miniscule bunk. The entire length of her naked body pressed against Poe, the sweat from the last round drying as they came down.

They had a rule since that first night on Corellia - no sex on missions. According to Poe, it would only distract them, leave them vulnerable to attack, or get them caught by the First Order. So, they waited until after the debrief to fall into a closet (or a cupboard or the fresher or a bunk) and tear each other’s clothes off. This mission should have been no exception. It was too important to risk the distraction.

They’d lasted twelve hours.

Twelve long hours before the loaded glances and subtle touches ignited into something they couldn’t ignore and they found themselves tangled in the small bunk that was obviously built for one. Now, three rounds and six hours later, Rey struggled to keep her eyes open as Poe left her to go check on their location.

She must have fallen asleep. One minute, she was staring at the wall, wondering when Poe would be back (and if he’d bring food) and the next she was in her personal hell, systematically eliminating what was left of the Jedi Order while the ruined temple burned around her.

_Rey._

With a single-minded determination, she cut through every man, woman, and child, no exceptions, no exclusions. Her work complete, she looked up to find the black and chrome mask staring back at her, a scream poised on her lips.

_REY!_

She woke with a rough shake, Poe’s eyes wild as he continued to call her name. As soon as her eyes popped open, he pulled her into his arms, Rey sobbing into his shoulder while he kneeled on the floor next to the bed.

“It was just a dream,” he repeated over and over as he rocked her. “It’s just a dream.”

She buried her face in the crook of his neck and waited for the terror to pass in the safest place she knew.

Slowly, her breathing returned to normal. She pulled back, letting Poe wipe the half-dried tears from her face.

“You okay?” He tucked a rogue lock of hair behind her ear, eyes full of concern.

Not trusting her voice, she nodded in response. He accepted it without question. After the Kylo Ren debacle, they’d discussed the dreams at length. There was nothing more to say on the subject.

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught two ration packs left abandoned on the floor by his knees.

He followed her gaze, a soft smile appearing on his lips. “Thought you might be hungry.”

“You thought right,” she said, leaning over to catch his lips with her own. It was chaste as far as kisses went, especially for the two of them, but in that moment, she wasn’t looking for anything more.

He rested his forehead against hers for an instant before busying himself with meal prep, grabbing the rations and a bottle of water he’d dropped earlier.

She settled back against the pillow, letting herself enjoy the view. They were both still naked, and Rey tried to suppress a giggle when she thought of Poe going to check the nav sans clothes.

“What’s so funny?” he asked, handing her what looked like rehydrated veg. She tried not to grimace at the bland mess on her plate. Dinner had never been fancy at the temple, but compared to what passed as food on base, it was haute cuisine.

She scooted closer to the wall so he could join her. “Just trying to imagine how much you scarred BB-8 by walking to the cockpit naked.”

Poe laughed, wolfing down the food with his usual vigor. Years in the military had left him with an iron stomach and an unnerving ability to eat anything set in front of him without complaint.

“He politely informed me he turned off his auditory sensors to ensure our privacy,” he said, swallowing thickly. “I think he was trying to tell me we were a little loud.”

Rey covered her mouth, trying and failing to stifle the mortified laugh that bubbled up.

“I know, right? It was almost as bad as the time Dad caught me in the barn with Cole Lennox.”

Her head snapped to him. “No way, you pulled Cole Lennox?”

Eyes narrowed, a slight smile played across his face. “Why do you sound so surprised?”

“He’s _hot_.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, but _he’s_ hot?” There was a playful spark in his eye right before his hand found the ticklish spot on her side, fingers merciless while Rey giggled and squirmed. “And what am I?”

“H-h-” She struggled to take in enough breath to get a word out. “Hot. You’re hot.” Poe’s hand paused, giving her enough time to draw a breath before he dove back in. “Stop. Stop! I’m going to spill the food.”

With a self-satisfied smirk, he withdrew his fingers, taking the empty dish from her hands and stacking it on the little side table with his own. Chest heaving, she looked up at Poe from where she’d wedged herself against the wall in an attempt to escape his teasing fingers.  

“Jerk.” She punctuated it with an elbow to the not-so-soft flesh of his stomach, the overall effect dampened by the smile she couldn’t keep off her face.

“I’m sorry. C’mere.” At his invitation, she went back into his arms.

“Cole Lennox, huh? I didn’t think you went for blondes.”

He chuckled, the sound echoing low in his chest as he pulled the thin blankets around her. “I made an exception.”

“And what did Kes do?” As hard as it was, she loved hearing about all the things she’d missed, all the ways her life would have been different had she grown up on Yavin 4 as planned. And Poe was always willing to indulge her, filling in the blanks on what should have been their shared childhood. Oh, she knew the bullet points - she’d visited enough throughout the years - but it was the day-to-day she was interested in.

“Oh, you know, the usual. He turned a shade of red I normally associate with Yavin rising in the night sky, and we never spoke of it again.”

Now it was Rey’s turn to laugh, a finger tracing the raised scar under his ribs. The bacta treatments had helped, but her inexpert stitches had left their mark on his tan skin. Poe didn’t mind. To him it was just one more mark added to the constellation of scars that littered his body.

Poe shivered as she ran her finger over a sensitive spot, his nose buried in her hair. “Speaking of, have you spoken to your parents yet?”

The lingering smile fell off her face with a groan. “Poe.”

He’d been bugging her for _weeks_ , ever since the disastrous trip to Corellia, and she was done hearing it.

“Rey.” He mimicked her tone. “You have to talk to them, eventually.”

“Do I though?”

He shifted so he could get a better look at her, all the earlier silliness gone from his face. “What if something happens, and you never got to say goodbye? It would kill them.”

“It’s not like they can’t pick up a comm. They have my codes.”

“Gods, you Andors really are that stubborn, aren’t you?”

She glared at him a second before focusing on a discolored panel on the far wall.

“You should go easy on them.”

“Oh, _I_ should go easy on _them_?” The blanket slipped from her shoulders as she sat up, fixing Poe with a glare. “You weren’t there that last week before I left. My mom never passed up an opportunity to remind me of all the ways I was wasting my life, how I was pissing away my second chance. And my dad? Well, he stopped speaking altogether, despite his fancy speeches about my choices in front of Aunt Leia.”

“They love you, Rey. They just wanted something different for you.”

“And what about Kes? Didn’t he want something different for you?”

Poe laughed. “I’m sure he did. But then again, he also had twelve more years with me. I think we were both ready for me to leave the house when I turned 18.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Why are you taking their side?”

He sighed like she was the most exasperating creature he’d ever seen. “I’m not taking sides. And I may not have been there that last week, but do you know when I was there? Every day from the moment Luke took you to the day I left for the academy. And do you know what I saw? I watched the spark in Jyn Erso, one of the strongest women in the galaxy, the survivor of not one, but two Death Stars, go out. You know what else I saw? Cassian Andor, the longest surviving Rebel Intelligence agent period, cry for a week straight. They were never the same after you left.”

His words hit her like a blaster bolt to the chest. As much as she didn’t want to believe him, the words had a ring of truth to them. Didn’t she remember those early days when the farm was only a farm in name? When her parents would sometimes leave for a day or two on some secret errand? They never left Yavin anymore.

She only realized she was crying when Poe reached up to brush the tears away.

“Hey, c’mere,” he said, pulling back down into his arms. He kissed her forehead. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad. Just call your parents, ok? They’re terrified.”

“Fine,” she huffed, a little residual stubbornness shining through. And she would call, as soon as they were back from Jakku. Poe was right, it was past time.

“Thank you.”

They laid there in comfortable silence, Poe’s breathing evening out after a minute. Not ready to fall back asleep yet, Rey tilted her head up, pressing her lips to his. Despite his dozing, Poe responded immediately, his hand fisting in her hair. Lazy kisses turned into something more once Rey opened her mouth, letting Poe’s tongue slide languidly against her own.

From there the heat built quickly until Poe propped himself up, bracketing her shoulders with his forearms. With a grin that promised to have her screaming his name, he called out over his shoulder.

“Hey, buddy?” The droid beeped an affirmative on the other side of the closed door. “You may wanna turn off those auditory sensors again.”

Unable to stop herself, she giggled out loud, Poe taking the opportunity to kiss up her neck. By the time he found her lips she was ready for him, tugging at his bottom lip with her teeth the way she knew he loved.

For once, they could take their time. There were no other missions to run off to, no meetings to attend, no roommates to avoid. Poe took advantage of those facts to kiss every inch of her exposed skin (which was quite a bit), so by the time he (finally) lined himself up at her entrance, she was a quivering mess.

When he started to tease her with the head of his cock, it only took a single “Please, Commander” for him to slide home.

And that’s what it always felt like with Poe - coming home.  Coming home to someone who knew not only her body but her mind. She’d never felt anything like it, the way he worshipped her on that tiny bunk, like he was trying to tell her something he couldn’t say out loud.

The pace he set was unhurried, his hips almost lazy as they snapped up to meet her. Relatively clean shaven for once, he kissed down her neck, Rey relishing the softness of his skin against hers. The ring settled on her sternum, still warm from his skin.

She threaded her hands through his hair, his normally riotous curls flattening out under her ongoing attention. It was getting long again. He desperately needed a haircut, but she’d made an offhand comment last month about how much she liked it long and he hadn’t touched it since.

Locking her ankles around his waist, they both moaned at the change in the angle, Poe burying his face against her collarbone. His pulse thrummed under her palm as she slid one hand to the back of his neck. Already on the edge, she tightened around him. Poe increased the pace, a fine sheen of sweat painting his chest.

Dipping one hand between them, she used her fingers to push herself over, a sharp gasp of “Poe” accompanied by that swoop she normally only got in the cockpit of an X-wing.

He kissed her as she came down, stealing what little breath she had left.

When she opened her eyes, Poe was smiling down at her, a little self-satisfied, but adorable nonetheless.

“What?” she asked, grabbing his necklace to drag him down for a kiss. 

“Nothing,” he replied when she let him go. He smoothed a sweaty tendril off her forehead. “I just like looking at you.”

Despite the fact that they’d been doing this for months, and that he was currently buried to the hilt between her thighs, she blushed at the compliment, reaching up for another kiss.

This time when he started to move, his mission was clear, his actions more focused. She shifted her hips up to meet him, meeting him thrust for thrust. He was so close she could practically feel it. She knew just the thing.

Reaching up, she kissed his neck, teeth dragging against the sensitive skin near his throat.

He came with her name on his lips, barely more than a whisper in the tiny bunk.

With a sigh, he fell next to her on the bed, laying his head on her chest. She carded her fingers through his hair, the curls looking less and less presentable with every pass. They’d have to clean up before landing, or everyone on Jakku would know exactly what they’d been doing the trip over.

Poe’s breathing evened out almost immediately. The dark circles under his eyes seemed permanent now, between flying patrols and missions with Black Squadron and his secret spy rendezvous on the edge of wild space, she rarely saw him on base for more than a few hours at a time.

She needed to use the fresher, and someone should check their current position, but she was afraid to wake him. Carefully, she slid out from underneath him, pausing only when he opened his eyes.

“Stay.”

She kissed his forehead. “I’m just going to check the nav and I’ll be back. Sleep.”

He nodded, his eyes already falling closed.

Standing up, she grabbed the closest piece of clothing she could find - Poe’s leather jacket - before making a mad dash to the fresher. She cleaned up as best she could, wrapping the jacket around her to go check their location and ETA for Jakku. It barely hit the tops of her thighs, but she figured BB-8 wouldn’t mind.

“Hey, BeeBee,” she said, giving the droid a pat on the head. “You keeping an eye on things out here?”

BB-8 trilled an affirmative as he followed her into the cockpit of the little freighter, his optical sensor keeping an eye on everything.

“Three more hours,” she said in response to the droid’s next question. They were still on course, no alarms, no other ships in range on the sensors. “I’m going to get some shut eye. Wake us with an hour left?”

Another affirmative beep and then BB-8 was rolling off to do whatever he did when they weren’t around.

Rey turned back toward the captain’s quarters, her bare feet freezing on the durasteel floor. She dropped the coat as soon as the door closed behind her, gently shoving Poe so she had a little room on the bunk.

He woke with a start when her icy feet found the warmth of his shins, his alarm quickly melting into a smile.

“You’re freezing.”

“I know. Three more hours.”

“Mm-hmm,” he mumbled as he drifted off again, Rey making herself comfortable in his arms.

She let her hand drift to the ring on his neck as his steady heartbeat lulled her to sleep.

 

They landed just as the sun was falling behind the small collection of huts, setting the ship down on the outskirts of the village. Poe took the ship through the shutdown procedures, ensuring they could take off in a moment’s notice if something went wrong. Rey went to check their bags, BB-8 following behind.

It was cooler than she expected a desert planet to be, with the temperature dropping steadily with the sun. She shivered in the thin tunic and pants they had provided her to blend in with the locals. Somehow, Poe was exempt from the blending-in mandate, wearing his normal off-duty clothes.

He looked about as tired as she felt as they walked toward the glowing lights of the village. They should have slept more on the trip over. Not that it mattered. They’d be in and out and back in hyperspace in no time. Plenty of time to sleep then.

“Here,” he said, shrugging off his leather jacket. He draped it over her shoulders, Rey putting her arms through the sleeves. She was absolutely swimming in it, but it was warm and the soft leather smelled like Poe, the familiar scent calming her nerves for what lie ahead.

What would the old man think of her, a Jedi deserted by the Force? Would he think her a coward for hiding in the Resistance as the galaxy fell apart around them? Or would he understand she had no other choice, that she had to help bring Luke back?

She was about to find out.

They were greeted at the edge of the village by an alien whose species she couldn’t name.

“Poe Dameron?” they asked in galactic basic. “Rey Andor? He’s been expecting you.”

If she didn’t know Tekka personally, their words would have made her even more nervous than she already was. Poe must have felt the same way, breaking protocol and reaching for her hand as they followed their guide through the bustling village. Beings of many species watched their progress with wary looks, only adding to the overall ominous feeling of the evening.

They stopped in front of one of the bigger huts toward the center of the village, pulling a curtain of ropes and beads aside so Rey and Poe could pass.

Poe bent down in front of BB-8 before entering. “Hey buddy, keep an eye on things for us?”

BeeBee trilled an affirmative and took off for the edge of the village.

Poe gave her hand one last squeeze before walking in to the hut, Rey following a step behind.

It was warm inside, the air close thanks to a large fire burning in one corner. Bits of dried wood and gourds and desert flowers hung from every inch of the ceiling, giving Rey the feeling that the room was closing in on her. Already sweating, she slipped the jacket off her shoulders. Handing it back to Poe, he put it back on, both moving toward the shadowy figure in the corner.

Lor San Tekka turned around, a half-smile on his face. He looked older than she remembered, his hair a little more white, his face a little more lined. She struggled to remember the last time he’d been at the temple, settling on something more than one year and less than five.

“Poe Dameron, it’s been too long,” he said, reaching out a hand for Poe to shake. He turned toward her next. “And Rey Andor, it’s been even longer.” He clasped one of her hands in both of his. “I was overjoyed to learn you had not perished at the temple.”

She swallowed the lump in her throat. “Me too.” Poe’s hand ghosted across her back, a moment of comfort.

“Please, sit,” said Tekka, gesturing toward a small collection of chairs near the center of the room.

Rey perched on a rocky stool while Poe settled on to something that looked like it had been part of a tree in a former life. Tekka sat down across from them, a small pouch in his hand.

“This will begin to make things right,” he said, placing the pouch in Poe’s hand and closing his fingers over it. “I’ve traveled too far and seen too much to ignore the despair in the galaxy. Without the Jedi, there can be no balance in the Force.” He looked at Rey, his gaze unwavering.

 _I tried,_  she wanted to say, those piercing blue eyes seeing right through her, _but the Force wants nothing to do with me anymore._

Poe didn’t seem to notice the silent conversation happening around him. “Well, because of you, now we have a chance. The General’s been after this for a long time.”

Tekka turned his attention back to Poe, Rey letting go of the breath she’d been holding. “Oh, the General? To me, she is royalty.”

“Well, she certainly is that,” said Poe, the hint of a smile on his lips.

BB-8 chose that moment to come barreling through the curtain, spouting a rapid stream of binary that Rey could only just follow.

Poe’s face grew serious. “We’ve got company.”

He raced for the door, pulling his quadnocs out of the small satchel he carried. Taking a quick look, he handed them over to Rey.

“You have to hide,” he said to Tekka as Rey brought the quadrocs to her face. It was dark, but she could just make out the transports in the distance, four or maybe five in total, all preparing to touch down at the edge of the village.

Rey turned back to the two men.

“You have to leave,” said Tekka, looking at her once more, fear and panic in his eyes. “Go.”

Poe didn’t need to be told twice, grabbing her arm and sprinting toward the ship, BB-8 struggling to keep up in the shifting sand. The transports landed, disgorging unit after unit of stormtroopers, the village immediately engulfed in blaster fire.

They made it to the ship in record time, Poe dropping the entry ramp and running straight into the cockpit. The villagers were putting up one hell of a fight, but the ship rocked as Rey hit the ramp, sparks flying from a direct hit.

She dropped in the co-pilot’s seat, beginning the ignition sequence. “Are we good over there?”

Poe shook his head. “I’ve got nothing but red lights. They must have hit the engines. Is there anything you can do BeeBee?”

Rey heard BB-8 plug into a port somewhere behind them, trilling a negative almost immediately.

The lights of another ship - an Upsilon-class by the looks of it - lit up the viewport as it landed at the edge of the village. Rey’s stomach dropped. Based on intel, there was only one First Order commander using that ship: Kylo Ren.

“Fuck!” shouted Poe at no one in particular. He stood up, unholstering his weapon as he walked out of the cockpit and into the night, Rey and BeeBee hot on his heels. They all stopped dead as the ramp on the Upsilon hissed open to reveal the dark outline of the man who haunted her nightmares. He stepped out of the darkness, the mask coming into focus as he moved through the village.

Poe took a step toward the light, Rey’s hand shooting out to grab his arm, spinning him back to face her. “Poe,” she whisper-yelled at him. “What the fuck are you doing?” Her heart was threatening to beat out of her chest, sweat dripping down her back despite the dropping temperature.

Poe looked at her, his face resigned. “They saw the ship. They’re not gonna stop looking for us. If they think it’s only me, you two have a chance to get away.” He pointed behind her. “Niima Outpost is due North, probably a six-hour walk. When we miss our scheduled rendezvous, that’s the extraction point.” He thrust the small bag containing the map into her hand. At the look of horror she gave him, his expression softened, both hands coming up to cup her face. “You and BB-8 gotta get that map back to General Organa. Can you do that for me?”

She shook her head, blinking back the tears that sprang to her eyes. “No, no, no, don’t go Poe. If they catch you, it’s over. You aren’t walking away from that.” Her hands grabbed on to his forearms, trying to keep him there even as he pulled away.

Poe stopped, his face unreadable for a second before he closed the gap between them, kissing her with a rough intensity that left her chest aching and empty. It wasn’t anything like the hundreds of other kisses they’d shared over the past months. Gone was the usual tenderness and the rising heat that promised more, replaced with fear and anguish and an unmistakable goodbye.  He was kissing her like he knew this would be the last time. 

He ended it far too soon. “No more secrets, remember? I love you.” Poe extricated himself from her arms and took a few steps out of reach, leaving Rey frozen in place by his confession. “Due North. Don’t look back, don’t listen, don’t do anything stupid, just keep going until you hit Niima. I’ll come back for you. It’ll be all right.”

Rey stood perfectly still in the shifting sands, hearing the lie in his voice despite the reassuring way he smiled at her in the darkness. He turned and worked his way around the half-buried rocks that served as the village walls, getting closer to where a couple of troopers were escorting Tekka out of his hut.

Kylo Ren approached the old man, Rey’s hiding spot too far away to hear anything more than the timbre of Ren’s modulated voice. She kept her eyes on where Poe had crouched, hidden behind the wall, his blaster ready and aimed at Ren.

Without warning, the lightsaber crackled to life, Rey swallowing a shout as the red blade sliced through Lor San Tekka. Poe jumped to action as the old man fell, firing his blaster once in what should have been a direct hit on the First Order’s enforcer. Instead, Poe stood frozen and horrified, the bolt stopped mid-air by Ren’s raised hand while a couple of stormtroopers came to collect him. A vicious strike from the butt of a blaster had him doubled over, all the easier to drag in front of Kylo Ren.

Rey stood, taking a step closer despite the soft warning beep from BeeBee. Poe must have caught the motion, looking directly at her for a split second and giving the tiniest shake of his head. She crouched back down into the shadows at the warning, inching closer so she could hear their voices.

The troopers dropped Poe at the feet of Kylo Ren, forcing him to his knees. Poe sneered up at the man in the mask, defiance etched into every one of his features despite the submissiveness of his position.

“So who talks first? You talk first? I talk first?” he asked as Ren crouched down, bringing the two face-to-face. Rey flinched at Poe’s tone, panic rising in her throat. If Ren could cut down an old man with no warning, she didn’t want to know what he’d do to Poe and his smart ass remarks.

Ren ignored his comments. “The old man gave it to you.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement of fact, like he’d already seen what happened next.

Rey sent up a silent prayer that Poe would keep his mouth shut for once. Like all of her prayers lately, it fell on deaf ears.

“It’s just very hard to understand you with all the apparatus.” Poe’s snide remark was met with indifference, the stormtroopers dragging him to his feet and roughly searching him while Ren surveyed the rest of the village.

Poe took the opportunity to look in her general direction one last time, mouthing the word “run” before Ren turned his attention back to him. Listening for once in her life, she took off running, only looking back to make sure BB-8 was following. She crested a dune as the blaster fire started again, losing her footing when an explosion shook the ground and sent her tumbling down the other side.

Landing on her back, she was treated to an unobstructed view of the Jakku sky, the stars so close and the galaxy so wide, she couldn’t help but feel insignificant in its presence.

“I love you,” she whispered, the intended recipient having no hope of hearing her now. Her heart shattered into a million pieces.  

BB-8 rolled up alongside her, turning to look at the fireball ripping through the sky. He gave a mournful beep, lowering his dome for a moment before scanning her for injury.

She stood up, brushing the sand from her clothes. “I’m fine Bee. Come on, we have to go.” Her only option was to keep moving, the feeling of helplessness threatening to swallow her whole if she stood still.

She walked straight through the night, praying to every God she could name that nothing and no one would find her wandering the desert in the dark. She couldn’t imagine the planet’s inhabitants were friendly, not with what she knew about Jakku.  BB-8 rolled ahead of her, scanning for any danger. Rey vaguely remembered an area labeled “the sinking fields” on the map Poe had been studying before they left, the knowledge haunting her every step. She had no desire to find out how literal the natives were.

As the night wore on, she struggled to do much more than put one aching foot in front of the other, grateful that the exhaustion left her no room to think. A hulking shadow rose in the distance, the ghost of a Star Destroyer left to rot. She’d almost forgotten this planet was an Imperial graveyard, relics of the Empire’s final stand littering the sands.

But they’d all forgotten, hadn’t they? And now the laziness brought on by years of peace would doom them all. That’s how this had happened. That’s how the First Order had crept back in. Incrementally, then all at once, complete with Star Destroyers and stormtroopers and TIE fighters.

But it wasn’t over yet. She had the map, and if she could just get off this kriffing planet and back to the Resistance, they had a chance. A chance to stop whatever the First Order was ramping up to. A chance to go back and save Poe.

Just before dawn, they passed an old Imperial AT-AT laying on its side, half buried in the sand. A woman stepped out of the belly, fixing Rey with a long look, but making no move toward her. Rey shivered. She couldn’t imagine the circumstances that would lead someone - a woman, no less - to live out here, completely alone. She was glad she’d never have to find out.


	11. Back to Jakku

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the First Order shows up, Rey and a new friend must escape from Jakku. Once free of the First Order, they run into a couple of familiar faces.

The sun was high in the Jakku sky by the time she made it to the little outpost, dripping sweat and dying of thirst. She took a lap around the marketplace, trying to learn the lay of the land. Between snippets of overheard conversation and her own observations, she determined that the entire outpost - Niima, it was called, just like Poe said - operated around a single junkboss, a low-level Hutt wannabe. The local economy seemed to rely on a combination of salvage and barter, though a couple of the more legitimate vendors were willing enough to take her credits.

She ended up with a waterskin and cobbled-together quarterstaff, covering her two most pressing needs. Keeping to the edges of the marketplace, she tried to remain as inconspicuous as possible while she and BB-8 waited for the Resistance to come for them.

It would be hours, possibly days, before they missed their scheduled check-in and the Resistance realized they were missing. Rey wasn’t even sure how long a day was on this planet. It was always Poe who did the research, who knew the specifics and prepared for the missions, while she simply showed up.

Poe. She shook her head, forcing herself to think of anything else. She needed to keep moving, to be aware of her surroundings, to keep her wits about her until the Resistance could come and extract her. If she stopped to let herself think about what had happened to Poe, she wasn’t sure she’d ever get back up again.

But the thoughts came anyway, replaying those horrifying minutes over and over again.

He’d told her he loved her and all she could do was stand and watch as the First Order took him.

There was a chance, however slim, that he had made it out of Tuanul, that the blaster fire she’d heard hadn’t been for him. Best-case scenario was that the man who had haunted her nightmares for the past year had taken him. Worst-case scenario… well, she chose not to think about the worst-case scenario.

Looking around the marketplace, it dawned on her that she may have made a mistake using credits earlier. Word traveled fast, and now merchants were approaching her, trying to interest her in a scrap of bantha hide or a rare delicacy, all for a fair price. The scrutiny left her uneasy. She could feel unseen eyes on them, tracking their passage as they made their through the marketplace. Cursing herself for her stupidity - there was no way Poe would have made that mistake - she took them deeper into tents, hoping to get lost among the shoppers.

She should have known it wouldn’t work, that they’d already made too big of an impression on the tiny settlement, but it still came as a shock when the man grabbed her from behind, his companions wasting no time getting BB-8 in a rough-hewn sack.

The months of training with Poe made her actions automatic. Legs kicking out as he lifted her off the ground, she bit down on his forearm, the surprise allowing her to use her attacker’s momentum to flip him over her back and onto the ground. A quick move brought the staff into her hands as two more men joined the fray, one getting in a hit that snapped her head back several inches. She recovered quickly, the adrenaline from the fight masking what was surely a painful strike. With a practiced spin, she lashed out with the staff, kicking and swinging and making quick work of the remaining assailants.

When the last man fell to the ground, she lowered herself into a defensive crouch, scanning the marketplace for any further signs of danger. Deciding all was clear, she ran to pull BeeBee out of the bag, the droid letting out a shrill beep that had Rey turning to scan the area.

Her eyes locked on the jacket - brown with red accents, cracking from age, she knew from experience it would smell of leather and jet fuel and Poe - her heart lurching in recognition before she followed it up too-broad shoulders to a dark head of too-short hair that was decidedly not Poe.  She heard the growl that escaped her lips as if she was watching the scene from a distance, curiously detached as she chased after the thief in Poe’s clothes.

He went down easily, her movements efficient and most likely aided by the mid-day sun. When he was on his back, arms raised in submission, she pointed the end of her staff at his face. “What’s your hurry, thief?”

“Thief?” His face contorted in pain and confusion. “Hey!” Confusion changed to rage as BB-8 shocked him with his electro-prod.

“The jacket!” She wasn’t going to let him get away without an explanation. “You stole it.”

“I’ve had a pretty messed up day, so I’d appreciate it if you stopped accusing me-” He shouted in pain as BB-8 shocked him a second time. “Stop it!”

“Where did you get it? It belongs to-” She couldn’t say his name, instead opting for something that was still technically the truth, “-his master.”

The man’s face softened into a realization. “It belonged to Poe Dameron. That was his name right?” he asked, getting up on an elbow to look at her. Rey’s heart seized at the use of the past tense. “He was captured by the First Order. I helped him escape but our ship crashed. Poe didn’t make it.”

Rey fell back one step, her staff lowering of its own accord. Poe was… She took a deep breath against the rising panic that threatened to pull her under, fighting the tears that sprang to her eyes. Poe was dead. He’d survived the First Order, survived _Kylo Fucking Ren_ just to die in a run-of-the-mill crash.

She wanted to scream, to cry, to demand the man in front of her hand over the jacket.

“Did you know him?” asked the stranger in Poe’s clothes. He sounded far away, his voice barely audible over the pounding in her ears.

Remembering that she still needed to deal with this, she raised her staff again, angling it at his throat. “Are you with the Resistance?”

The slight hesitation set off alarm bells in her head. “Obviously.” She ignored them as she lowered her staff, allowing the man to get to his feet. “Yes, I am. I’m with the Resistance, yeah. I am _with_ the Resistance.”

Ok, he sounded a little suspect, but it wasn’t like she knew every member. Especially not people stationed on a Star Destroyer. He must be Intelligence, one of their few spies, if he was undercover in the First Order. There was a code they used to identify each other out in the field, one she had never bothered to learn. That had always been…

Well, she chose not to think about whose job that had been. She’d just have to trust him. It wasn’t like she had any other option.

“We need to get BB-8 back to base. He has urgent intel for General Organa.”

She watched as he stood, dusting the sand off his black pants. “Yeah, he has the map to Luke Skywalker, right?”

His knowledge of the situation put her mind at ease. Of course, he was Resistance. How else would he know? She was just about to ask him when they could expect to be extracted when BB-8 rolled up to where they were standing, frantically beeping.

Following him toward the center of the marketplace, she saw them, two stormtroopers talking to the thugs Rey had just put down. They were pointing in her direction, the troopers spotting her instantly.

At the first blaster bolt, the man (she really needed to get his name) grabbed her hand and took off running through the marketplace. Rey absently wondered how trained soldiers could be that bad of shots. She knew people in the Resistance who could hit a moving target at twice this distance. Instead, red bolts exploded around them, hitting stalls and goods and sand as they attempted to lose their pursuers, still hand in hand.

“Let go of me!” she shouted, jerking her hand from his. She barely knew the man and anyway, the connection was slowing her down.

“Come on, we gotta move!” he shouted back.

“I know how to run without you holding my hand! BB-8, stay close!” Thankfully, she’d been wandering around the marketplace half the day, the layout etched into her brain. Taking a wide turn, she took them deeper into the tents, attempting to get them lost in the maze of merchants near the back. “This way.”

They stopped in a tent filled with strange orbs and metal frames, Rey’s breath coming in heaving gasps. Her stomach churned, unsure of whether it wanted to expel all the liquids she’d had earlier. The heat was brutal, ten times anything she’d experienced on Yavin 4. It was like sticking your head into an oven and turning it all the way up, her clothes soaked and head pounding in time with her heart. Her body craved water, but she knew instinctively that if she tried right now, it would never stay down.

“They’re shooting at both of us,” she said when she’d caught her breath enough to speak. She leaned heavily on her staff, grateful that she’d had the foresight to purchase the protection. Grateful that she knew how to use it.

“Yeah, they saw you with me. You’re marked.” He resumed digging through various bins in the stall, looking for what, Rey could only imagine.

“Well, thanks for that.”

“Hey, I’m not the one who chased you down with a stick!”

It was a fair point, one she ignored as she bent over to talk to BB-8. “Are you okay?”

The man stopped his digging, shushing the two of them. For a second, all Rey could hear was their own heavy breathing and the distant sounds of the marketplace, and then-

He grabbed her yet again, dragging her out of the tent as the scream of ion engines grew closer.

The TIEs flew overhead as they entered an uncovered portion of the marketplace. There were two she could see, one of which fired off a round into the sand that sent all three of them sprawling.

The breath left her body in a whoosh when she slammed into the sand two meters away, the world going dark for a split second. She blinked it away, watching the sky for any sign of the TIEs.

They were coming back around, making a wide arch around the marketplace. Surveying the area for her new comrade and BeeBee, she found them both behind her. The man was unconscious when Rey crawled over to him, simultaneously shaking him awake and praying he wasn’t dead.

He sat up with a start, very much alive, his eyes focusing on her. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” She desperately wanted to roll her eyes as she reached out her hand, but held back. “Follow me.”

She’d noted them earlier, the ships parked just outside the outpost’s boundaries ripe for the taking. _It had to be a last ditch effort_ , she had told herself. _You need to be discreet_.

Well, the time for discreet had come and gone about the time the TIEs showed up, so she grabbed his hand and dragged him to the edge of the marketplace. There was no cover, just an open expanse of sand between them and the small shipyard. Rey took it at a sprint, trusting that the spy was keeping up. The TIEs followed their progress, the shots close enough to send sand flying into her eyes.

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of her companion coming up beside her, matching her stride for stride.

“We can’t outrun them!” he shouted as the TIEs closed in on them, their screams filling her ears.

But salvation was in view. “We might in that quadjumper!” She pointed toward the ship she had sized up earlier, a little old but definitely the best of the lot.

“We need a pilot!”

“We’ve got one!”

“You?”

She tried not to scoff at his disbelief. She couldn’t afford to waste the breath.

“What about that ship?”

Lungs burning with every step, she spared a glance toward where he was pointing, dismissing it immediately. “That one’s garbage!”

A second later, she stopped dead in her tracks, forced back by the wall of flame that had once been a quadjumper. Still gasping, she turned around. “The garbage will do.”

From there it almost felt too easy. Rey in the cockpit, her new friend on the guns. Together they made quick work of the TIEs, Rey taking them out of Jakku’s atmosphere and  into the relative peace of space.

Fresh off the victory, they met somewhere in the middle, both breathless and sweating and trying to talk over the other.

“That was some flying—”

“Nice shooting—”

“How did you do that—”

“I have no clue, but that last shot was dead on—”

“Well you set me up for it—”

“It was perfect!”

A beep from around her knees brought her attention to BB-8.

She kneeled in front of the droid. “It’s okay, he’s with the Resistance. We’re gonna get you home. We both will.”

BeeBee chirped dubiously, his photoreceptor eying the other man over her shoulder.

That reminded her.

“I don’t know your name,” she said, standing up to face her new comrade.

He hesitated for a split second. “Finn. What’s yours?”

“I’m Rey.”

At that moment, the ship gave a lurch, something moving them despite the engines being on standby. Exchanging a brief look, they both took off for the cockpit, watching through the transparisteel as they were drawn backwards into another, much larger ship.

“It’s the First Order.”  Finn’s voice was grave as the dark grey metal of the new ship’s interior replaced the stars.

There was a clunk and another lurch as they stopped moving, both Finn and Rey taking off toward the main hold.

Rey froze in place as the entry door slid open, her heart thundering in her chest. They had no blasters, no weapons of any kind besides the staff that Rey abandoned somewhere in the cockpit and BB-8’s prod.

There were some heavy footsteps on the ramp and then he was in the main hold, pausing at the entrance, blaster raised.

“Chewie, we’re home.” He had the gall to look around with wonder on his face.

It was the small smile that spurred Rey to action, the horror of the past few days boiling over. How dare he look that happy after what he pulled, and all because of a ship? Closing the distance in two steps, Han never saw her coming.

The slap echoed off the durasteel, her uncle’s head snapping back.

“Rey?” His hand came up to rub his jaw, the skin already turning pink.

Finn came up behind her, his voice tentative. “Uh, do you know him?”

She continued to glare at Han, the man having the decency to look ashamed. “I used to,” she said as Han struggled to maintain eye contact with her. “Finn, meet my uncle, Han Solo.”

“Han Solo, the Rebellion General?” Finn stepped forward, the excitement plain on his face.

Rey scoffed. “No, this one’s all smuggler.” She turned to where Chewbacca stood a step behind her uncle. “And don’t think I’m letting you off the hook. What were you thinking?”

Chewie whined out a response, dropping his head in shame.

Rey shook her head. “Don’t give me that. I expected more from you.” With one final look of disgust, she turned on her heel and headed toward the cockpit.

Eyes trained on the controls, she took a shaky breath, gripping the seat in front of her. Muffled voices filtered through the cockpit door as Rey struggled not to cry.

She was not equipped to handle this - the First Order, this mission, Uncle Han’s surprise reappearance. If Poe were here…

Poe. His name pulsed through her veins with every heartbeat. Poe. Poe. Poe.

She felt his absence like a physical pain, an ache that spread from her chest. Was this her life now? Would everyone she loved be taken away until there was no one left?

Yeah, so she loved him. It wasn’t some big secret. Poe knew her better than anyone at this point, so there was no way he hadn’t noticed the way her hand found his in the crowded hanger, or when her eyes fell closed as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, or how she sighed every time he touched her.

She told herself it didn’t matter that she froze when he told her he loved her on Jakku. That she had stood there and let him walk away without so much as a word. Because he had to know she loved him. In fact, he’d probably known it for a lot longer than she knew herself.

Still, she wished he’d heard it from her.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she let the tears slide down her face. Gods, she was tired.

A throat cleared behind her. “Rey, please talk to me.” Refusing to turn around, she continued to stare out the viewport. “Look, I’m not asking you to understand, but marriage is complicated. More complicated than you can imagine.”

Wiping the tears from her face as she turned to face him, she barked out a laugh, the sound bitter to her own ears. “Really? That’s what you’re going with? Marriage is hard? It’s been almost a year. Do you have any idea what Aunt Leia’s had to go through? What we’re up against?”

He mumbled something under his breath about it being closer to six months, Rey shooting him a look that shut him up.

“There are stormtroopers everywhere. Strange disappearances in the Outer Rim. Poe thinks-” She cut herself off, the wound still too fresh for her to go on.

Uncle Han’s face softened. “Your, uh, _friend_ out there told me about Poe.” The way he said the word friend gave her pause, but she had no desire to unpack it. “I’m so sorry, Rey. I know you two were close.”

She meant to fire off something glib or sarcastic, something to cut into her uncle. Instead, when she opened her mouth, a harsh sob escaped.

Uncle Han was there in an instant, his arms holding her tight as the events of the past day caught up to her. Burying her face in his shoulder, she allowed herself to break down, the sobs wracking her body.

“I’m so sorry, Rey.” His voice cracked as he repeated it over and over, one hand making circles on her back. “I’m so, so sorry.”

She pulled back after a minute, her tears finally subsiding into hiccups.

When he handed her a scrap of a rag to wipe her face, Rey chose not to look at it too closely. “Thanks.”

“Welcome,” he replied, feet shuffling a few steps in front of her. It was like he didn’t know where to look now that they weren’t hugging, his eyes cast down toward the filthy durasteel floor.

The silence spread out between them, neither willing to bridge the gap.

“Uh, Solo?” came Finn’s voice the hall. “You have company.”

There was a lurch and bang as something docked on the larger ship.

That got Uncle Han’s attention. “Now what?” Rey followed as he stomped out of the cockpit. “Chewie, check to make sure none of the rathtars got loose.” He turned on Rey and Finn. “You two stay right here. If what he says is true,” Uncle Han pointed at Finn, “then the First Order will be looking for you three.”

Rey’s brain latched on to one particular word of that little speech. “Wait, did you say rathtars? As in plural?”

Ignoring her, Chewie and Han disappeared into the larger ship.

Finn and Rey exchanged a brief look before crowding around the open entry ramp, both silent in an attempt to hear what was going on.

It didn’t sound like a rathtar attack - no, there’d be a lot more screaming - but Uncle Han was definitely talking to someone other than Chewie.

“You don’t think they’re actually hauling rathtars on this freighter, do you?” Finn’s scrunched his brow as he whispered to her, careful not to draw the attention of whoever was meeting with Han on the ship.

Rey shook her head, straining to hear what sounded like yet another voice added to the mix. This one spoke an alien dialect. “You really don’t know my uncle. Speaking of, what did you tell him?”

Finn was having trouble meeting her eyes. “Did you know this is the Millenium Falcon?”

“Wait, _this_ is the Millenium Falcon?”

The sound of blasters firing ricocheted off the durasteel walls, the scent of burning hair reaching her nose from the larger ship right before Han came sprinting back up the entry ramp, Chewie behind him holding what appeared to be a blaster wound on his arm. “Change of plans. I’ll help you get back to the Resistance, but we’ve got to leave right now. Big Deal, take care of Chewie. And watch what you say about the Falcon!”

Rey followed him into the cockpit, leaving Finn to deal with the furious wookiee in the main hold.

“Oi! What happened in there?” Without thinking, she settled into the co-pilot’s seat, already flicking the switches she knew would bring the old girl to life, the Falcon’s quirks already second nature to her despite only flying her once.

“Had to get out of a bad business deal. Quickly.  And maybe that involved setting the rathtars loose.”

Rey screamed as one of the aforementioned beasts suctioned on to the viewport, tongue and rows upon rows of teeth the only thing she could see. The transparisteel creaked and cracked under the ongoing attention of its mouth, Rey praying to every God she knew that it would hold.

“This is not how I thought this day was gonna go,” muttered Uncle Han, his hand going to the throttle. “Watch the thrust, we’re going out of here at light speed.”

Rey’s head snapped to the side, eyes wide. “From inside the hangar? Is that even possible?” The real question, the one she didn’t voice, was if the Falcon - and by extension, them - would survive it.

“I never ask that question until I’ve done it.”

Rey didn’t even have time to panic as he chose that second to shoot them into hyperspace. Her eyes could barely track the change - one second she was looking down the throat of a rathtar and the next she was staring at the swirling blue stars of light speed, her head thrown back against the seat.

The alarms started almost instantaneously.

“Electrical overload,” shouted Uncle Han over the incessant beeping, the announcement made unnecessary by the sparking fusing in the cockpit.

She was already standing on her seat, elbows deep in the overhead wiring. “I can fix that!”

And she could, thanks to the months and months she’d spent with Rose in similar positions. None of the Resistance ships she’d worked on had been quite this finicky - as soon as she fixed one of the Falcon’s problems, at least three more cropped up - but she knew her way around the standard components. Not that much of the Falcon was standard.

She’d grown up hearing the stories of the legendary ship, and her uncle’s never-ending search for the missing vessel, but she had to admit, the Millenium Falcon was nothing like she’d imagined.

The way Uncle Han (and Aunt Leia, too) spoke about the Falcon, she’d expected a heavily modified, top of the line freighter. Something that sparkled and shone and still managed to get them out of trouble every. Single. Time. Evading the Empire and blowing up a Death Star along the way.

But in real life, the Falcon was a whole different story. For one thing, the entire ship was held together with dirt, sealing tape, and a prayer to the Maker (one that was quite possibly going unanswered). The Falcon was cobbled together with a terrifying mix of components, none of which were meant for the freighter. In fact, she’d put credits on most of the components not even being compatible with the damn ship. It was a small miracle they were moving at all. And did she mention the dirt? Because Gods, this ship was _filthy_.

Six problems later, the alarms were still ringing, Uncle Han shouting something about the hyperdrive blowing. Digging deeper into the panel, she finally found what she was looking for, a bundle of wires from the hastily installed compressor that Han had been bitching about when he first got into the cockpit.

There wasn’t any more time, so with a silent prayer and a sharp tug she pulled the wires free. The alarms went silent, the Falcon humming an odd tone of contentment for a quick second before going silent.

With a small smile on her face, she dropped back into the co-pilot’s chair, trying not to take offense at Uncle Han’s look of disbelief.

“What did you do?”

She held up the small piece of metal, wires still attached. “I bypassed the compressor.”

His answering “Huh” took all the wind out of her sails.

Annoyed, and frankly a little hurt, she leaned back in the seat, making room for Uncle Han to get up and leave the cockpit.

Not wanting to be alone with her thoughts, she followed him out into the main hold where Chewie, Finn, and BB-8 had gathered.

Uncle Han stood in front of an old holotable, hands on his hips. “So, fugitives?”

Rey resisted the urge to glare at Finn. Uncle or no uncle, they shouldn’t be sharing Resistance secrets with outsiders; that was Spy 101. What kind of intelligence officer was he?

Apparently, the talkative kind. “Yeah, the First Order wants the map. Supposedly, it leads to Luke Skywalker,” Finn said the name with a reverence normally reserved for church.

Uncle Han gave Rey a strange look from across the room, but to her great relief, he let it go without further comment. It wasn’t that she didn’t want Finn to know she was a Jedi (or, she supposed, a former Jedi). It just happened to be the kind of pronouncement that would require a lot of explanation, none of which she was willing to give at the moment.

Uncle Han nodded toward BB-8. “Ok then, let’s see it.”

BB-8 looked to Rey, the question obvious. She knew it was against protocol, but there was little point keeping whatever was on the datastick from Uncle Han. Thanks to Finn, he already knew too much.

With a brisk nod, she gave BeeBee the all clear. He wasted no time, rolling to the center of the room and projecting the hologram for all to see.

It was a map all right, unrecognizable planets and star systems exploding into life all around the hold. Rey walked around the bright blue hologram, trying to follow the dotted red line to Luke.

Her heart sank.

“It’s only a piece,” she said, dropping heavily onto the bench as tears stung at her eyes. “Gods, it was all for nothing.”

Head in her hands, she focused on the alternating black and silver squares in front of her, struggling to not break down for the second time that day while Uncle Han gave Finn a brief explanation of what happened at the temple.

They had traveled halfway across the galaxy for nothing. She’d spent a terrifying night alone in the desert, fended off an attack, and nearly got blown up for nothing. Poe had been tortured and died for nothing.

Kes.

Oh Gods, someone would need to tell Kes. No, _she_ would need to tell Kes. Her heart chest pounded at the thought, but there was no other way. It had to be her. She owed Poe that much. After all, it was her fault the First Order captured him. If she hadn’t been there, he wouldn’t have sacrificed himself so she could get away with the map. The incomplete map.

Kes had already lost his wife, and now he’d lost his son, the only family he had left. This would destroy him. He wouldn’t come back from this one.

Her parents had been right. The cost was always too much.

A hand on her shoulder dragged her back to the present. It was Finn, looking down at her with grief etched on his face. He’d known Poe less than an hour, and even that was enough time to realize the man was worth saving. She placed her own hand over Finn’s where it rested on her shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze.

Uncle Han’s face softened at his took them in, his own grief shining through the expression.

Finn asked the question on everyone’s mind. “Do you know what happened to him? To Luke?”

“A lot of rumors. Stories.” Han continued to walk through the map, as if a new angle would magically make it whole. “People that knew him best think he went looking for the first Jedi temple.”

Finn took a step closer to Han, his hand dropping from her shoulder. “So he’s really the last of the Jedi?”

Rey’s face heated when Han gave her another pointed look behind Finn’s back, his eyebrows threatening to disappear into his hair. She dropped her eyes back down to the table in front of her.

But Uncle Han had never been one to rat her out, not even when she was little and getting into trouble with the bigger kids on Yavin 4. “Yeah, something like that.” Just then a beep issued from the engineering panel in the back of the room. “And that’s our stop. Gonna see an old friend. She’ll get you two and your droid home.”

Rey and Finn followed him back into the cockpit, watching as they came out of hyperspace above a beautiful blue and green planet Rey didn’t recognize. He took them down low and slow, following a series of lakes toward their destination on the ridiculously green planet.

The contrast to the uniform beige of Jakku was staggering. After being stuck in that barren wasteland for two days, she’d almost forgotten there was this much green in the galaxy.  

Around a low mountain, they found a castle - for lack of a better word - perched on the edge of a wide lake, weak sunlight glinting off the surface. Han slowed as they approached what must be their final destination. It was beautiful, that much was sure, the stone structure nestled between rolling green hills, forest on all sides, but Rey was growing impatient. Why couldn’t he just bring them back to D’Qar? Was he that afraid of seeing Aunt Leia?

She wanted to be done with this Force-forsaken mission, to go back to base and lick her wounds. Maybe this was the end of the line for her and the Resistance. Maybe it was time to go home.

For the first time in nearly a year, she longed for the humid monotony of Yavin 4. When she closed her eyes, she could almost hear it over the noisy clunks and whines of the Falcon shutting down. The soft creak of the back door when her dad left for the fields at dawn, the ululating calls of the woolamanders in the distant jungle, the whistle of her mother’s kettle on the stove. The sounds of home.

But when she opened her eyes, it was forest and not jungle she saw, a stone castle rising out of the clearing instead of a wooden house. Almost instinctively, she knew the air would be cool on her still-tacky skin when she stepped outside, the breeze pulling her flesh taught with goosebumps. She longed for a ‘fresher - water, sonic, anything - to clear the grit from her skin. But it would have to wait. With a heavy sigh, she followed Han and Finn out of the cockpit, picking up the thread of their continued conversation.

“... Maz has run this watering hole for nearly-”

She cut him off as they stepped into the cool air. “Wait, do you mean Maz Kanata? Did you bring us to a _bar_?”

“It’s a cantina,” he sounded a little offended she would even ask. “And we need to get your droid on a clean ship.”

“Clean?”

“Yeah, you think it was luck that Chewie and I found the Falcon? If we can find it on our scanners, the First Order’s not far behind. You wanna get back to the Resistance? Maz Kanata’s our best bet.”

It was dubious logic, but they _had_ found the Falcon awfully fast. Plus, they didn’t have much of a choice for help at this point. Maz Kanata it would be.

They paused in front of the red doors, Uncle Han pulling a small blaster out of his coat. “You might need this.” He held it out to Rey.

She gave him one of her most withering looks. “I think I can handle myself.”

“I know you can. That’s why I’m giving it to you.”

With a huff, she accepted it, checking the balance and making sure the safety was on. He was right, it was better to be armed than not in this situation and even Finn had acquired a blaster on the Falcon. She would be no good to anyone if she couldn’t defend herself.

Tucking the blaster into the back of her leather belt, she waited with Finn and Han as the doors slid open, music drifting out into the courtyard.


	12. You Already Know the Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Uncle Han tries to get help from Maz, nothing goes as planned. After a terrifying vision, Rey comes face to face with her nightmare.

Inside, the cantina was at once familiar and overwhelming, every dark and dirty corner filled with the types of people Rey typically tried to avoid. If she was being honest with herself, there was more fire power here than in the Resistance’s entire armory, not a single life form they passed trying to hide the fact they were reaching for a hidden vibroblade or blaster. She was hit with the realization that anyone there would gladly sell them out for their next round. Maybe this wasn’t Uncle Han’s best idea.

That feeling was proven true not even five seconds later when a loud, accented voice rang out across the bar.

“Han Solo!”

So much for anonymity.

It looked like Uncle Han was thinking the same thing, his face contorting for a second before he slapped on his old smuggler’s smile. “Hey, Maz.” With a half wave, he worked his way toward the small, orange proprietor, Rey, Finn, and BB-8 following closely behind.

She trained her eyes straight ahead, trying not to openly stare. The sharp feel of eyes on her back followed their progress through the room, making her skin crawl. That coupled with the strange buzzing that had been building in the back of her head since the moment they stepped foot on the premises, left her tensing more and more with each step. She attempted to shake off the feeling, focusing instead on the tiny woman in front of them.

“Where’s my boyfriend?” asked Maz, Rey unable to place her accent. It sounded more outer rim than anything else, though even that wasn’t quite right.

Based on the way her uncle smirked at the question, there must be a story there. And a good one. “Chewie’s working the Falcon.”

“I like that wookiee. I assume you need something.” She gave him a wry look. “Desperately.” Turning, she motioned for the little group to follow her to a table. “Let’s get to it.”

They found themselves in a comfy little booth, food and drink appearing almost immediately. It paid to dine with the owner.

Once they had slaked their thirst (Rey guzzling not one but three glasses of cool water. That desert was no joke.), Maz got down to business. “So?”

Rey tried not to sigh as Uncle Han provided a quick rundown of the situation. Apparently, it was the more, the merrier when it came to secret Resistance missions these days, and Rey appeared to be the only one worried about it. Sure, the cantina was loud, but the First Order had eyes and ears everywhere. There was no way that word of this wouldn’t reach them now.

“A map. To Skywalker himself?” Her wrinkled, orange face split into a grin as she chuckled to herself. “You are right back in the mess.”

“Maz, we need to get them back to Leia.” Han jerked his head in the general direction of her and Finn, Rey taking note that Finn tensed at the proclamation.

The wry smile was back on Maz’s face. “No.”

They all froze for a split second, Finn with a drink halfway to his lips, Han sitting straight up, and Rey with her mouth full of whatever fruit Maz had put in front of them.

Without prompting, she continued, “You’ve been running away from this fight for too long. Han, go home.”

“Leia doesn’t wanna to see me.” Uncle Han’s voice was quiet, almost too quiet with the white noise that continued to buzz in her brain, paired with a rueful shake of his head. This was heading into territory Rey didn’t want to be involved in, despite the fact that she had said something similar not even an hour ago.

Finn, deciding to ignore the tension, leaned over the table. “What fight? Please, we came here for your help.”

Rey’s attention snapped to Finn. What did he mean “what fight?” There was a sinking feeling in her gut as she watched his expression darken during Maz’s speech.

“The only fight. Against the dark side. Through the ages, I’ve seen evil take many forms. The Sith. The Empire. Today, it is the First Order. Their shadow is spreading across the galaxy. We must face them. Fight them. All of us.”

Finn’s expression looked a lot like fear when he leaned over the table to address Maz. “There is no fight against the First Order. Not one we can win. Look around. There’s no chance we haven’t been recognized already. I bet you the First Order is on their way right-” He paused for a millisecond, the cold expression melting off his face in favor of alarm at Maz’s approaching form. “What’s this?” Maz crawled on to the table, adjusting the spectacle-like goggles on her eyes. “What are you doing?”

“If you live long enough, you see the same eyes in different people. I’m looking at the eyes of a man who wants to run.” She shook her head in disappointment.

That seemed to kick Finn back into gear, anger flaring across his features. “You don’t know a thing about me. Where I’m from. What I’ve seen. You don’t know the First Order like I do. They’ll slaughter us. We all need to run.”

“Hmm.” Maz appeared to accept this explanation, crawling backwards until she was off the table and back in her seat. “You see those two? They’ll trade work for transportation to the Outer Rim. There, you can disappear.”

Rey watched a hundred micro-expressions flit across his face as he digested those words, small tics that betrayed first anger, then fear, and cycling through horror, confusion, before finally settling on resolve. Finn’s face was completely shut off by the time he finished, the scowl making his features damn near unrecognizable. This wasn’t the man who tried to save her or the one she knocked to the ground. And whatever else he was, an intelligence agent certainly wasn’t it.

Then again, had he ever claimed to be? Rey struggled to remember what he had told her a few hours ago, the entire day bleeding in to one giant mess. He definitely told her he was Resistance, but it was possible but that she had filled in the rest.

“Finn?” she said, trying and failing to keep the hurt out of her voice. It was getting harder to concentrate what with the noise in the cantina and whatever in this place was making her brain buzz and her temples throb. She must have heard wrong, he couldn’t be considering desertion. That was not the resolve she had seen on his face.

He turned to her, leaning close. “Come with me.” There was an openness to his face that had been absent the entire time they’d been speaking to Maz, a tentative hope that she would say yes, leave their mission incomplete.

“What about the mission? We’re not done yet. We have to get the map back to base.” Poe had died for that map, and it would be a cold day hell if she didn’t make sure it got back to the Resistance.

With a slight shake of his head, Finn stood to go. She didn’t even try to school her expression, letting it fall, so he knew how much it stung to see him walk away.

He only paused to try to return the borrowed blaster to Han, the older man waving him off before turning back to Rey. He didn’t look surprised by Finn’s defection, instead a quiet resolve spread across his face as he leaned back in his chair.

Heart pounding, she dropped the fruit she’d been holding for the past five minutes, shaking her head as she got to her feet to follow Finn. She needed to know why he was deserting the cause. Why he was deserting her.

Sure, they’d just met that day (or maybe yesterday, dates and times were a little fuzzy for Rey), but between the running and the shooting and the multiple times they rescued each other, she felt a solidarity with him. They were a unit, a two-man team ready and willing to do whatever it took to get the map back to the Resistance. Or so she thought.

Maybe it was her own fault, getting attached too quickly, trying to fill a Poe-sized hole in her heart. And it wasn’t even like that, she wasn’t trying to replace Poe, not when she’d barely even had the time to accept his death. She was just- kriff, she wasn’t sure what she was doing, just that she didn’t want to do it without Finn.

Wending her way through the crowded bar, she found him at a table with a shady looking Gabdorin and his even shadier captain, making a deal to get off-world.

She didn’t bother to wait until they finished talking. “What are you doing?”

Ignoring her for a second, he leaned over to the travelers (pirates, her mind supplied), “Don’t leave without me.” Then he was up and following her out of their earshot.

She was a step above him on a small landing when she turned on him. “You can’t just go. I won’t let you.”

“I’m not who you think I am.”

“Finn, what are you talking about?”

“I’m not Resistance!” he spit out, Rey taking a step back in surprise. The vein in her neck pulsed to the rapid beat of her heart. “I’m not a hero.” There was a pause, Finn looking down as his face falling in shame. “I’m a stormtrooper.” Fear stabbed through her heart at the word, remembering all too well the last few times she’d come face to face with his kind. “Like all of them, I was taken from a family I’ll never know and raised to do one thing. But my first battle, I made a choice. I wasn’t gonna kill for them. So I grabbed Poe and ran. Right into you. And you looked at me like no one ever had. I was ashamed of what I was. But I’m done with the First Order. I’m never going back. Rey, come with me.”

It would have been the perfect time for her to confess. That they barely considered her a member of the Resistance. That she had her own, selfish reasons for wanting to find Luke Skywalker. That she was one of the last Jedi.

Instead, she said the only two words that she could think of, two of the last words she had said to Poe. He didn’t listen to her either. “Don’t go.”

“Take care of yourself. Please.” He turned and walked back toward his new friends, not dragging their goodbye out any longer than it had to be.

Lip quivering, she watched him disappear into the crowd and out the door.

_This day just keeps getting better and better_ , she thought as the ringing in her ears reached a crescendo.

Suddenly, the ringing gave way to a shout. It was coming from the bottom of a half-hidden staircase but it was also in her head, a familiar sounding little girl screaming _No!_ She turned to face the staircase when another shout echoed in her head, this time accompanied by a sharp tug, like someone had attached a hook behind her breastbone and pulled.

All thoughts of Poe and Finn and stormtroopers left her head as she followed the pull down the steps. The girl continued to scream in her head, the words morphing into something that tickled at the edge of her consciousness. Something familiar.

The tug took her down a short hall to another dingy red door. As if waiting for her, a green light flickered, and the door raised into the ceiling, revealing a small room packed with boxes and various debris. Once inside the room, she found herself in front of an ancient looking box, all dark wood and creaky hinges, the pounding in her head and heart stopping as she reached for it. This was what she was looking for, what was calling to her.

She opened the lid slowly, trying not to let her imagination get the better of her. There, on a bed of worthless trinkets, sat a lightsaber, though who the weapon belonged to was anybody’s guess. It looked nothing like her saber, lost all those months ago when the temple was destoyed. She hesitated for a second, hand hovering over the hilt, before one final tug had her taking the weapon in her hand.

The effect was instantaneous.

Gone was the basement room in Maz’s castle, replaced with an Imperial hallway and her own echoing screams. Because she’d realized that’s who was calling out - Rey, five years old, back on the day Luke pried her out of her mother’s arms. Before she quite realized what was happening, the hallway dissolved and spun, spitting her out in the familiar terrain of her nightmare.

But this time, she was an observer, not the perpetrator, watching as Kylo Ren and a little band of followers decimated the temple. Standing up, she found herself face to face with the murderer, his red saber crackling in the pouring rain. He walked toward her, intent on something terrible, when she heard another scream that made her turn around.

_“No, take me back!”_

She watched helplessly as Luke dragged her by the arm, her own screams mingling with those of her mother who scratched and tore at her father’s arms as he held her back.

She remembered this like it was yesterday. The fear. The screams. The horror and betrayal on her mother’s face when Rey looked back one last time. Even the glint of the old kyber crystal her mother used to wear.

Her mother continued to struggle against Cassian’s arms, even when the little shuttle took off and broke atmo.

It was another jarring transition as she took a step back and found herself in a snowy forest, the terrain unfamiliar to her. Snow fell around her as someone else called her name, a man whose voice she didn’t recognize, before she found herself face to face with Kylo Ren’s lightsaber again.

Backpedaling, she tripped over her own feet, her ass hitting the hard stone ground of Maz’s basement room as the voice whispered its parting words, _“These are your first steps.”_

She sat, hands and feet flat on the floor, her breath coming in heaving gulps like she’d just run up the side of a mountain. Soft footsteps on stone brought her attention to Maz, walking down the short hallway to where Rey was still seated on the ground.

“What was that?” she croaked out, tears stuck in her throat. Her heart and mind were both racing a mile a minute as Maz walked toward her. Rey got to her feet, not able to sit there a second longer. She needed to get up, get out of this suffocating stone basement where she swore the walls were closing in on her. “I shouldn’t have gone in there.”

“That lightsaber was Luke’s and his father’s before him. And now it calls to you.”

Luke Skywalker and his father before him. Wait, but that would mean-

“Darth Vader.” It came out as a whisper, Rey trying to forget all the times she’d spoke of the disgraced former Jedi. With Ben.

The Force was trying to tell her something she refused to hear, no matter how loudly it shouted at her.

“I need to leave.” She sidestepped Maz’s outstretched hand, making her way back to the steps. The sounds of the busy cantina hit her ears just as Maz spoke.

“You already know the truth.”

No.

Rey raced up the stairs, ignoring Maz’s final words in favor of getting out of the stifling bar and into the cold fresh air of Takodana.

Once outside, she didn’t slow down, instead taking off for the edge of the forest. She needed a few moments to clear her head in the relative peace of the trees. With no destination in mind, she let herself wander through the brush and moss, getting lost among the soaring trees.

Out of breath, she stopped in a small clearing, a break in the canopy showing her a slice of blue sky. It was sheer luck (though she would refer to it by something else) that she was looking up when the red beams tore through the sky.

A moment of horror passed over her as she watched the beams’ progress, disappearing almost as soon as they appeared, no hint of either their purpose or their destination. It hit her the second the beams left the sky, the same burning deep in her gut that had her doubled over when the temple fell. Only this time, it brought her to her knees, emptying her stomach of what little she’d eaten since her arrival on Takodana. There was no doubt in her mind that something awful had just happened, a tear in the Force that even she could feel.

The weapon.

Poe had been tracking something in the far reaches of space, cored planets and shipments of dedlanite, but they'd never found anything concrete. Until now.

Only the sound of her own ragged breathing reached her ears, the lush green of the forest muffling everything else around her. That’s why she nearly jumped out of her skin when BB-8 rolled up and gave her an inquisitive chirp.

“BB-8? What are you doing here?”

BeeBee trilled a short explanation.

“No, you have to go back. We have to get you back to the Resistance. You’re too important.”

His answer was cut off by the telltale whine of ion engines.

Rey’s eyes went to the sky, tracking the movement of TIE fighters and troop transports in the same small patch of sky. Uncle Han had been right. They were headed for the castle.

Despite the knot in her stomach that just wouldn’t ease up, she took off toward the castle as fast as she could on weak knees. Branches and brush bit into her skin and pulled at her clothes as she crashed through the undergrowth, not slowing down until she reached the edge of the forest.

She was too late. The castle was already under attack, plumes of smoke clouding her vision while the TIEs continued to hit the stone, explosions rocking the ground beneath her feet every few seconds. A transport disgorged a group of stormtroopers, a second landing a few feet away. She watched as one spire took fire and snapped in half, taking down a large chunk of the main building out on its way down.

The silhouette of a black ship appeared from behind the castle, Rey’s heart freezing in her chest. It was the same Upsilon class from Tuanul. Kylo Ren’s ship.

She couldn’t tear her eyes away as it landed less than 100 meters away from her, right at the edge of the ruined castle. Of course, Ren wouldn’t dirty his hands with the actual fighting. Cutting down old men and ordering villages torched were much more his style.

The modulated voice of a stormtrooper just behind her brought her attention back to the forest. Now this was something she could handle.

Reaching behind her, she plucked the blaster out of her belt, aiming it at the nearest trooper with an empty click.

“Safety,” she mumbled, fumbling with the switch before raising the blaster again to take out the trooper. They turned toward her a second before she got off her shot, Rey ducking as their shot went wide, hitting a tree behind her head.

Emboldened by her shot, she turned toward the main clearing, attempting to take out as many as she could before they caught up to her. That number turned out to be exactly one before they saw her and returned fire, Rey hightailing it deeper into the forest amid blaster fire, BB-8 hot on her heels.

Bending behind a fallen log, she scanned the forest for stormtroopers as BB-8 rolled up next to her. “Keep going. Stay out of sight. I’ll try to fight them off.”

With a nervous chirp, BB-8 took off into the trees, Rey running in the opposite direction to draw fire away from him. If anyone needed to survive this forest, it was the droid. The map was too important to fall into the hands of the First Order. She wouldn’t be the first person to die to ensure that happened.

Deciding she was far enough from BB-8, she found a thick moss-covered tree to anchor herself behind. One eye on the clearing, she listened for the sound of boots on the undergrowth, her heart threatening to beat out of her chest. It was one thing to fight, it was a whole different animal to wait for someone to make the next move.

Rustling behind her drew her out of her hiding spot and into a low spot in the forest, Rey realizing her mistake almost instantly.

The moss-covered stones rose above her head, giving the little glade a cave-like feel. It was an indefensible position, completely surrounded by higher ground and no easy escape in sight. Pointing the blaster in the general direction of the noise, she slowly backed out of the well.

Ren chose that moment to make himself known, the bright red of his lightsaber springing to life barely two meters in front of her. She shot twice without thinking, her aim true but the former Jedi deflected the bolts easily. He started towards her, Rey scrambling backwards as she continued to shoot at him. Ren blocked the bolts with ease, each wave of his arm making it clear that she was nothing more than a nuisance, that he would not be taken down by a blaster alone.

Finding her back against the cold dirt wall, she turned to haul herself up, fingernails scrabbling against the mud before she got her feet back on solid ground. She barely had a second to reposition herself before Ren rose from the hole, spinning his saber to fend off the next three bolts she sent his way.

Done playing around with her, he raised his hand.

Every muscle in her body locked into place, the effect both immediate and terrifying. Something loosened in her abdomen, allowing her to take a gasping breath. Shaking from the exertion of trying to move, she watched as he stalked closer to her, his lightsaber crackling with instability. If you asked her, it was a shoddy piece of equipment, the need for vents on the side indicating a serious problem with the crystal within.

“Ah, so _you’re_ the girl I’ve heard so much about.” He said it like he knew her, like it made sense that she was the thorn in his side. Something prickled at the edge of her consciousness as he came closer, something familiar about the man in front of her that she didn’t want to confront quite yet.

She was unable to track him as he moved behind her, the sound of his voice the only indication of how close he was to her. “The droid. Where is it?” At that, he extended the blade inches from her cheek, the unstable plasma beam looking almost serrated this close. She’d always assumed that it was the rain in her visions that made the saber hiss and spit, but apparently it was unrelated.

Her eyes squeezed shut as he walked back around to face her. She could feel the unpleasant prickle of another Force user in her mind. “The map. You’ve seen it.”

When she opened her eyes, he was mere inches away from her face, the mask hiding any trace of humanity. He was tall, so tall, towering over her like a bird of prey. Rey steeled herself against what was sure to be the painful breach of her mind as he dug around for the map.

But before he could do anything, a stormtrooper came from the direction of the castle pulling Ren’s attention away from her.

“Sir, Resistance fighters. We need more troops.”

Her heart soared. The Resistance was here.

“Pull the division out. Forget the droid. We have what we need.”

It was too late for her - that was painfully obvious as Ren stalked back in her direction - but BB-8 and the map would make it back. Her mission was complete.

There was no warning, just that last bit of comfort swirling through her head as the world went black.


	13. Yavin 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> News of the Hosnian Cataclysm reaches the outer rim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple of warnings: Brief mention that Jyn and Cassian were worried that Kes would hurt himself after Shara died. Also a brief mention of infertility.

A fine sheen of sweat broke out across her skin, their breaths echoing in the small room. The bed groaned under the movement of their bodies. Halfway to her fourth orgasm of the night, she met him thrust for thrust, her hips arching up in rhythm with his. They had perfected this dance a long time ago.

A moan escaped her lips, his mouth swallowing the sound.

Calloused hands roamed over her body, leaving trails of heat across her breasts, her stomach, her arms. He twisted his hips on the next thrust, her breath catching in her throat. He noticed the change - of course he did, he noticed everything - increasing the pace to the point that she could barely keep up.

She could feel something build low in her belly. “Fuck, Cass. I’m so close.”

Cassian smiled wider at that, reaching a hand down to where their bodies joined. He found her clit easily, her body singing under his careful ministrations.

“Oh gods, Cass,” she managed to get out before she tumbled over the edge, nails digging in to his shoulders.

“Mi reina,” he said in the soft, lilting language shared by his home planet and their current one as he fucked her through it. He pressed a kissed onto her neck. “Mi corazón.” Another kiss. His hips stuttered, triggering another aftershock. “Mi vida.”

He stilled his hips, always knowing when to stop before it became too much for her. It had always been like that between them, Cassian able to read her like a book. She continued to flutter around him, relishing the feeling of fullness, how close his heart felt as it beat next to hers

It had been a while, the constant bickering and fighting keeping them apart more often than not. They’d had rough patches in the past - how can you not, when you’ve been together this long - but never quite like this. For the first time since that disastrous trip to Eadu, Jyn had been worried that they wouldn’t be able to get past this, that this would be the thing to break them.

Cassian wanted to fight.

Even Jyn had to admit that it was getting harder and harder to ignore the rumors reaching them from all corners of the galaxy. Mysterious disappearances among prominent scientists. Whispers of a First Order weapons facility on a small planet in the Outer Rim. It certainly didn’t help her case when some child barely older than Poe came on the holonet calling himself a General and waxing poetic about the glory of the First Order, complete with some lesser Vader hiding in the shadows. For Cassian, the final straw had been the reports this week coming out of Jakku, of all places.

_“An entire village, gone. They were Church of the Force for kriff’s sake! Can you honestly stand by and watch this happen again?”_

_She stared him dead in the eye. “I didn’t watch it happen the first time. I was born into it.”_

_That only seemed to incense him further. “You know what I mean. We’re not even talking about containing them to the Unknown Regions anymore. Jakku is in the Western Reaches. That’s dangerously close to the Core.”_

_“Well, then thank Gods we’re in the Outer Rim.”_

_“Don’t be glib.”_

_She crossed her arms, staring at him._

_He just shook his head at her, a sigh settling over his entire body. “Gods, are you stubborn.”_

_“Look who’s talking.”_

_“Well, at least I can admit when I’m wrong. You are_ wrong _, Jyn. This war is coming and no amount of willful ignorance on your part is going to stop it from reaching us. What will it take for you to see that?”_

She had no response for that, instead just walking away, leaving Cassian to seethe on his own in the kitchen. It had been a few days, but they arrived at this detente, sealed by not one, but two rounds of makeup sex.

Speaking of which, Jyn focused her attention on the man hovering above her, reaching a hand up to stroke his sweaty cheek. His eyes fell closed as her hand rasped over the stubble there, the look of joy on his face so pure that she almost couldn’t stand it.

Sometimes she wondered why she was like this. Why she lashed out at those she loved, why she insisted on causing them pain.

He leaned in for another kiss. “I can finish myself.”

“Not a chance, Andor.” Wrapping her legs around his waist, she used what little strength she had left in her legs (Gods, they felt like jelly) to flip him on his back.

The look of surprise on his face made the effort worth it, his expression darkening into something hungry. As much as he loved to be in control - and he really loved to be in control - she knew this was his favorite, when she took from him what she wanted and left him begging for more.

That was certainly the direction they were headed as she guided him back inside her, Cassian groaning low in his throat as she sank down to the hilt. Oversensitive and a little sore, she started to move, knowing that she’d be walking funny later today. Not that she minded. At all.

His hands held on to her, calluses rasping against the soft skin on her hips. Their placement had changed over the years, from the delicate grip of a blaster to the all-over roughness left behind by his work on the farm. Her own calluses were long gone, years of easy living leaving her hands as soft as a Corusanti Senator’s. She couldn’t remember the last time she had gripped a blaster or held a truncheon. Hells, she couldn’t remember the last time she had done anything more strenuous than this, her muscles already protesting the rough treatment.

Running her soft hands up his chest, she pushed up, using him for the leverage she needed to keep moving. Cassian’s eyes fell closed, his grip falling just shy of painful. There would be bruises tomorrow.

His hips jerked up to meet her, the movements almost involuntary. He was close, so close she could feel it in the tensing of his thighs, the way his stomach clenched under her. There was no way she would come again tonight. This was about him now.

She rolled her hips down with his next thrust, Cassian’s breaths coming in sharp bursts. Once more and he came with a groan, Jyn stilling as he spilled into her for the second time that night.

Panting, he pulled her down next to him, both hissing at the drag when he left her body. Cassian’s lips were soft on her cheeks and chin and forehead, always sloppy and sentimental after he came.

“I love you.” He nosed around her hairline, the words barely a whisper.

Smiling into his collarbone, she placed a kiss on one of his many scars, feeling a little sentimental herself. “I love you, too”

He hummed, tracing patterns on her bare skin. She couldn’t remember the last time they’d gone twice in one night. Her entire body melted into his, that languid, fucked out feeling settling deep in her bones.

She needed to get out of bed, drag herself to the ‘fresher to clean up, but couldn’t bring herself to leave the security of his arms.

  


The chrono next to the bed droned on, the steady beep, beep, beep waking Jyn from a deep sleep. Cassian shifted beneath her cheek. A second later, the sound cut off mid-beep, leaving the room in blissful silence.

Cassian shifted again, Jyn burying her face in his chest.

“No, stay,” she mumbled into his skin, a smattering of chest hair tickling her lips. He didn’t have much, but what he had was going grey and wiry as the years crept on. She secretly loved the greys they were both starting to rock, a testament to the fact that they lived. Despite the odds, they _lived_. “Round three?”

The laughed rumbled through his chest. “As tempting as that sounds, Kes is coming over to help me with the harvester.” He pressed a soft kiss into her hair. “Raincheck?”

She grumbled low in her throat, earning another chuckle and a kiss - this time on her forehead. “Why, Gods why, does Kes insist on getting up so early?”

Cassian extricated himself from her arms, sliding to the edge of the bed. Sitting up, his back popped as he stretched his arms over his head. It was always a slow go in the mornings for them. The old Scarif injuries tended to stiffen up overnight.

“Well, he has nothing to entice him to stay in bed in the mornings.”

It was an old wound, but a wound nonetheless. She knew he meant it as a compliment to her, that he wasn’t thinking what that statement implied, but the loss of her best friend still stung all these years later.

Shara Bey had been her friend long before they all settled on Yavin IV, the two bonding over long flights and covert missions, the gentle ache of missing their partners (and Shara’s not-so-gentle ache of missing her son), and an unfailing need to end the Empire. Sure, they were close with Leia, but the Princess always had bigger things on her mind (including, but not limited to, Han Solo). Even back then it was clear that Leia would continue to shape the galaxy long after they won the war. Jyn and Shara just wanted some place to call home.

By the time the war ended, it was completely unthinkable that the two would settle anywhere but right in each other’s backyards. And if it turned out that a large number of former Rebels found their new homes on Yavin IV, well that was just icing on the cake.

When it came time for Jyn and Cassian to start a family, Shara had been there to offer tips and tricks (not that she’d had any trouble getting pregnant with Poe), providing a shoulder to cry on as Jyn tried - and failed - to get pregnant month after month.

And then came Rey, barreling in to the world with her (now) characteristic abandon. Shara had been there as well, providing advice, helping her through the woes of breastfeeding, even taking the baby for a few hours here and there so Jyn and Cassian could get some much-needed sleep.

Next came the years when Shara had no first-hand advice to give. She’d missed so much with Poe, she’d confessed when Jyn asked her something about teething. Jyn held her friend as she cried, listening as Shara told her how much she regretted having to leave Poe behind. The Alliance had been necessary, but her greatest fear was that their sacrifices would be in vain. That the Empire would rise again. She vowed to never leave her son again, no matter what happened next.

There was an old saying that always came to Jyn’s mind when she thought about Shara. If you want to make the Gods laugh, tell them about your plans.

It almost hurt to remember how happy they had been back then, those golden years when the war was over and the four of them could simply sit back and watch their children grow. They had survived so much. They deserved that happiness.

At least it took her quickly. Jyn always comforted herself with the fact that Shara didn’t have to suffer long.

She and Cassian watched as Kes fell apart. Poe became a de facto member of their family those first few months, eating dinner and spending the night almost daily while Jyn and Cassian removed all the blasters from the Damerons’ house. Not that they were worried. They just weren’t taking any chances.

Jyn made sure Kes ate and left his bed an acceptable number of times per week while Cassian kept both farms running. At just barely four years old, Rey took it upon herself to cheer Poe up, despite not understanding why he was sad in the first place. And so they made it, Kes gradually rejoining the land of the living while Poe gradually rejoined him on their farm.

By the time the dust settled, Shara had been gone for nearly a year. Jyn hadn’t even grieved for her, not with both her and Cassian struggling to keep two households afloat. It was like losing her all over again.

Then Luke came for Rey.

Twenty years later and she still didn’t understand how she made it through. Out of all the deaths Jyn had experienced in her life - and there had been a lot - Shara’s cut the deepest. There was something about making it through a kriffing war alive only to be thwarted by your own body that sat wrong with Jyn. Shara and Kes had earned their happy ending. It was the first time that Jyn understood what Cassian meant when he said he and the Force had different priorities.

She reached up to touch where her kyber used to sit on her neck. After Shara and Rey were taken from her, she couldn’t bear to wear it anymore, not when she lost her belief in its power.

“Kriff, I’m sorry, Jyn.” Cassian leaned over where she’d taken over his side of the bed. He pressed a soft kiss on to her forehead. “I wasn’t thinking.”

“I know, Cass. I know.” She started to get out of bed, Cassian’s hand stopping her.

“Stay. Sleep. I know how little you got last night.”

Jyn couldn‘t stifle her laugh when he winked at her, a little self-satisfied smirk on his face. “Go, before I decide to never lose sleep with you again.”

He laughed as he walked out the door, Jyn rolling so she was facedown on his pillow. She inhaled, the comforting scent of Cassian’s shampoo surrounding her as she drifted back to sleep.

 

When she woke several hours later, the sun was much higher in the sky than she anticipated. Chiding herself for being lazy, she stretched, relishing the burn of her muscles and the slight soreness leftover from the previous night’s activities. She allowed herself a soft smile. They may be getting older, but they weren’t dead yet.

She sat up on the bed and something popped low in her back to remind her of just how many years had passed. It was still a little hard to believe how long they’d been together. He’d welcomed her home half a lifetime ago, and she’d never looked back.

Grabbing a robe, she padded down to the kitchen and poured herself a cup of leftover caf. It was still warm (thank the Maker) as she drank it black, listening to Kes and Cassian argue in Yavinese just outside the window.

Apparently, there was some sort of fuse a droid could fix better than either of them could. Of course, Cassian would refuse and of course, Kes would never understand her husband’s aversion to using droids, the two men left bickering over the best way to attack the problem.

Jyn waved, both men pausing to lift a hand in greeting before going back to their argument.

Cassian hadn’t always been like this. Jyn remembered Kay with a fondness that she’d never felt when the droid was operational and hell-bent on making her life miserable. Gods, he had hated her almost until the bitter end. If she had known that all it took to win him over was to hand him a blaster, she’d have done it a lot sooner.

But win him over she did, and he sacrificed himself so they could get the plans. Though honestly, saving her may have just been an unavoidable consequence of saving Cassian. She’d never know.

Kay’s sacrifice was the first in a series of coincidences and sheer dumb luck that somehow got them off Scarif in one piece. To this day, she couldn’t help but wonder if the Force had anything to do with their survival, instinctively grabbing where the kyber used to hang around her neck.

She wondered how much of their story Rey knew. She knew the broad strokes, that much was in the history books. And she knew that her papa had lost a good friend and had refused to use a droid ever since. And she knew that her parents had both been injured, catastrophically so, before their timely escape from the Imperial stronghold.

But she and Cassian had never been forthcoming, especially about the war. Rey had probably learned more about her own parents from Poe, thanks to Kes’s penchant for telling stories. Maybe, if they had been more open, more willing to tell their own tales, Rey wouldn’t have joined the Resistance. Maybe she would have understood why Jyn couldn’t go back, why it was so important to her that Rey was spared from that life.

“Jyn!” Cassian’s shout from the yard broke her out of her thoughts. “Jyn! Come quick!”

Hearing the urgency in his voice, she set her mug down. When she stepped out the back door, both Cassian and Kes were standing in the backyard, their eyes trained on a single spot in the sky. Jyn followed their gaze to the red beams hurtling through space, her stomach dropping out from under her.

“Rey.” It came out as a whisper. She looked up at Cassian, her own pain and fear reflected in his face.

It looked all too familiar to the nightmares she and Cassian still shared some thirty-odd years after Scarif. But no, it couldn’t be. No weapon in the galaxy was capable of that, at least not any more. They’d seen to that a long time ago. Twice.

Cassian reached out for her hand, their fingers clasping as the red stretched across the clouds.

Just as quickly as it had appeared, it was gone, leaving no trace in the Yavin sky.

Kes was the first to break the silence. “We need to check the holonet.” 

 

“There are similar reports from the mid rim and core.” Kes poured himself another cup of caf, setting the fresh pot in the middle of the kitchen table. “Nothing yet from the New Republic.”

Jyn took a sip from her own cup. “Weird, but there’s nothing coming off Hosnian Prime. No firsthand reports, no statements to the press, nothing. It’s like the entire planet dropped off the net.” She continued to scroll through the news feeds on her datapad, looking for anything official.

“How is it that half the systems across the galaxy saw this thing and no one knows what the kriff it is?” Cassian ran an exasperated hand through his hair. He hadn’t shaved this morning, his dark stubble dotted with grey. “How is this even possible that we all saw it?”

Jyn tuned them out as they launched into some theory about sub-hyperspace and black holes, turning back to her datapad. Hosnian Prime’s silence was becoming more and more conspicuous to Jyn the longer she scrolled through the news feeds. There were a few reports that the red haired General had addressed the First Order's troops directly before the beams appeared, though no credible sources could confirm. Dread pooled in her stomach. Her intuition was telling her that something was off, and she hadn’t got this far in life by ignoring her intuition.

“You guys don’t think they’re on Hosnian Prime, do you?” Jyn’s voice bordered on pleading. “I mean, they’ve got most of the Navy stationed in the Hosnian System, it wouldn’t make sense to base the Resistance there as well.”

It was Kes who answered. “Nah, it’s too quiet in the background when Poe comms.” Jyn blanched. They hadn’t heard a word from Rey since she left over six months ago. “If they were on Hosnian, you’d hear the traffic. I don’t know about you guys, but all I can ever hear are birds.”

She locked eyes with Cassian across the table. Oh, he tried to keep it off his face, but Jyn had always read him like a holonovel. The accusation was plain as day. It was her fault that they hadn’t spoken to their daughter in half a year. It was her fault they were estranged from half their friends. It was her fault that they had lost their only child not only once, but twice.

Poe was always meant to be an only child. _One and done_ Shara used to say as they sipped Corellian whiskey on the porch, watching the sun set and Yavin rise. _No way I’m going through that again._ But Rey was supposed to have siblings, a whole mess of them. The plan was to fill the house with children, to have the life that Jyn and Cassian were never allowed. But the Force had other ideas.

And so Rey was enough. More than enough. Brilliant and reckless and powerful and brave, she was their entire world for those first six years. Jyn thought when she told Luke about her they’d be given a pass. They were the heroes of Scarif, godsdamnit! There was no way the New Republic would take her from them.

She had been wrong then, and it was becoming painfully obvious that she was wrong now. Why had she spent that last week picking fight after fight with Rey? Why did she think that shouting at her would change her mind? The girl had come from her and Cassian. It should have been no surprise she was more stubborn than the two of them put together.

All three datapads started beeping at the same time, Jyn glancing down to see the alert.

_HOSNIAN SYSTEM DESTROYED BY FIRST ORDER WEAPON. NO SURVIVORS. PLEASE REMAIN CALM AND DO NOT ATTEMPT SPACE TRAVEL AT THIS TIME._

Jyn had just enough time to make it to the sink before she vomited, bringing up nothing but bile and black caf. She spit, rinsing the mess down the sink.

The holo on the counter beeped. The call was encrypted, running through at least six systems according to numbers splashing across the screen. She breathed a sigh of relief. This must be Rey, calling to tell them she was ok. The Resistance probably ran all its calls through this encryption.

Jyn hit the button. “Rey?”

Her heart sank when Leia’s blue-tinged face sprang to life in her kitchen. The pain and worry etched on to Leia’s face told Jyn everything she needed to know.

“No, no, no, no, no.” Jyn backed away from the counter, her back hitting something solid. Cassian’s arm wrapped around her shoulders, his solid warmth steadying her shaking limbs.

“Where’s Rey?” asked Cassian, his voice cracking.

Leia sighed, the sound heavy even through the speakers. It looked like she’d aged ten years since that day she’d sat across from Jyn and told her she was taking her daughter with her. “The good news is she’s alive.” A sob escaped Jyn’s lips. Oh Gods, if that was the good news... “The First Order has her.”

Poe appeared at the edge of Leia’s left shoulder, his expression even more dire than Leia’s.

“Mijo!” shouted Kes from behind them, scrambling up from the table. “Oh thank Gods you’re all right, mijo.” Jyn wasn’t ashamed to admit that she hated the man a little at that moment. “Poe, what happened to your face?”

She took a better look at the soft blue projection, noticing for the first time the cuts and bruises that marred Poe’s handsome face.

Poe ran a hand through his hair. “Hey, Papa.” He sounded like he was ten years old again, his voice cracking as he tried to tell them that Kes couldn’t get out of bed again. Jyn’s chest ached at the memory.  “I was a guest of the First Order for a couple days. Kylo Ren himself saw to my... interrogation.” His jaw tensed. “A stormtrooper saved my life, and we crash landed on Jakku-”

“That’s a lovely story, but what does this have to do with Rey?” Cassian cut him off, his tone sharp, demanding no nonsense.

“We’re going to get her, Uncle Cass.” Poe swallowed thickly. “We’re going after Starkiller, and we’re gonna bring her home.”

A warning bell went off in Jyn’s brain. Something about the way he spoke, how he noticeably fought back tears, the quiet determination plastered across his features, piqued her attention. There was more to this for him than just a search and rescue. More to this than just saving a friend, even one as close as Rey.

An unfamiliar voice came through the speakers. “Poe, you’re needed on the flight deck.”

He turned and nodded to someone off-camera before turning back to them. “We’re gonna get her back, I promise.” Then he was gone, but not before Jyn caught him touching the ring he wore around his neck. The one Shara left him with explicit instructions to share it with the right partner.

No, her intuition was never wrong.

She dragged her attention back to Leia, now alone in the holo. “The weapon will be recharged within the hour and they’re coming for us next. Poe’s leading the offensive against the base.”

Cassian tensed next to her. “And Rey? If Poe is attacking the base, then who is saving my daughter?” asked Cassian, his accent always more noticeable when he raised his voice.

“Han and Chewie took the Falcon to the planet. The stormtrooper is going to help them disable the shield generator and find Rey.”

“You’ve entrusted my daughter’s life to your deadbeat husband and an enemy soldier?” He let go of Jyn, stepping closer to Leia’s floating form. The tendons on his necked jumped with every word, his voice growing louder. “Are you even trying to save her?”

“Of course I am, Cassian.” She crossed her arms. “If Starkiller Base takes us out, there won’t be anybody left to save Rey.”

Cassian replied with something that made Jyn flinch, his accent so heavy it could barely be considered galactic basic at this point. They continued to go back and forth, Jyn tuning them out as she worked through the new information.

It was well past the time she could pretend this wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be dismissed as a product of Leia’s paranoia or a group of Imperial fanboys out for a romp. No, this was full-scale warfare, a genocide the likes of which Jyn had never experienced in her lifetime, and she had been present at three (so far).

And this time she was complicit. This was how they got away with it, because (good) people like her refused to take a stand.

Well that ended today. Jyn Andor neé Erso didn’t go to Scarif willing to give her life for the Death Star plans just to have a worse version come back some thirty years later. It was bad enough they had to destroy two of the damn things back in the day. This Starkiller business was not going to fly.

“Enough.” Jyn stepped forward, pushing Cassian out of the way. “Send us the coordinates to your base.”

That shut everyone up.

“Jyn, we might not even have a base in an hour. I can’t in good conscience bring you here. I could be sending you directly into an ambush.”

“Send. Us. The. Coordinates.”

Leia sighed. “Are your codes still the same?” A brief nod from Jyn. “Ok, transmitting.” Leia paused, looking up from whatever she was typing into. “Jyn, I’m sorry. I-”

Jyn raised a hand, cutting her off. “I don’t need your apologies. Bring her home.”

Leia’s face disappeared as Jyn slammed a hand down on the disconnect.

She ignored the shocked faces of the men in her kitchen as she turned on her heel and strode out of the room. “Come on. We have a Resistance to join.”

 


	14. On Starkiller

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is a guest of the First Order. Later, Rey and Kylo Ren battle in the snow of Starkiller.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple warnings: descriptions of torture - nothing too graphic - and some typical Star Wars violence.

Rey woke to the cold clank of metal, restraints biting into her wrists and ankles. She knew better to struggle as she let her eyes adjust to the dim room, acutely aware that she was not alone. If she had to guess based on the decor, she’d say she was on a First Order ship, though that wasn’t really narrowing it down.

“Where am I?” she asked the man watching her sleep, the silver on his mask glinting in the low light.

The modulated voice that haunted her nightmares answered. “You’re my guest.”

A bitter laugh escaped her lips. She wanted to snap back with a question about how he treated his “guests” but she bit her tongue. It would do her no good to anger him, not when she was the one tied down.

Instead, she went with a question he may actually answer. “Where are the others?”

“Do you mean the murderers, traitors, and thieves you now call friends, Rey?” Her blood ran cold for a moment. How the hells did he know her name? “You’ll be relieved to hear I have no idea.”

And she was relieved, there was no denying it. Whatever happened next, she could go on knowing that the Resistance had the map. Nothing she could tell him would change that.

“You still want to kill me.” He almost sounded hurt, or at least as hurt as he could sound behind that mask. Something was wrong here, and it had nothing to do with her capture and imminent torture. In fact, she’d felt it all along, like some crucial piece of knowledge was always just out of her reach.

“That happens when you’re being hunted by a creature in a mask.”

There was a slight hesitation before he reached up, placing a hand on either side of the mask. She watched in barely restrained horror as the front lifted with a pressurized hiss, the helmet coming off to reveal black, flowing waves and a face she knew better than her own.

“Ben.” The word came out barely more than whisper.

Of course, it was Ben. The Vader-lite mask, the cape, even the shitty lightsaber, it all screamed Ben Solo.

Why hadn’t she listened? Poe, her parents, even Leia fucking Organa had tried to tell Rey that it was him. That Ben had fallen to the dark side. But she let her feelings for him blind her. She knew Ben, knew he couldn’t do this.

But he wasn’t Ben anymore, was he?

Deep down she had known. She’d maintained his innocence, but there was always something in the back of her mind, some knowledge of his true nature that made her think twice.

The helmet cast aside, he crossed over to where she was strapped to the metal chair. He was close enough that she could see every mole, freckle, and scar on his pale face, including the bump on his nose from when he insisted on fighting Master Skywalker when he was 15 and got his ass handed to him.

Looking at him now, she could barely remember loving him. It had always been difficult between them, something she had once blamed on the sneaking around and need for secrecy. Ben could be cruel when he wanted to be, cutting her out, then keeping her to himself at the temple. She’d always assumed it was because he loved her. But now she wasn’t so sure. Had she loved him? She was starting to question it after her months with Poe.

“I’ve missed you, Rey.” Ben reached a gloved hand out, Rey trying not to flinch as gentle fingers caressing her face. The touch made her sick to her stomach. “Every day since the temple fell. I looked for you that night, but you were gone. I couldn’t feel you in the Force anymore. They told me you were dead. I never thought I’d see you again, and now here you are.”

“Ben, what have you done?”

His expression darkened as he pulled his hand away.

“I did what we always talked about.”

Dread pooled in the bottom of her stomach. “What do you mean, what we always talked about? You killed everyone we grew up with, almost everyone we’ve ever known.”

“They were holding us back. Keeping us apart. I ended the Jedi. I set you free.”

The horror of his words crept up on her. She _had_ always hated the Jedi and blamed them for forcing her into a life she hadn’t chosen. They _had_ spent hours complaining about the rules and all the reasons they couldn’t to be together. She _had_ told him that the thing she wanted more than anything in this world was to be free from the Jedi Order, to live a life of her choosing. But she hadn't actually  _meant_ any of it.

“Those were just words. We were talking. I didn’t mean-”

“But I did it. For you.” His brown eyes shone with a fervor she’d never seen before, or at least one she'd never chosen to acknowledge. Terror threatened to choke her. “It’s time to let old things die. The Jedi can’t hold us back anymore.”

“Ben…”

“I want you to join me.”

“Don’t do this.”

“Do what? Offer you the chance of a lifetime? The opportunity to become something greater than you ever hoped to be? You’re nothing. You come from nothing. But not if you join me.”

The words stung her more than she cared to admit. Once, she’d been powerful, full of light and promise. But Master Skywalker had held her back, stopped her from reaching her true potential when he refused to let her take the trials and become a Jedi Knight. Too much conflict, he said. Too much attachment. With her raw power, it would be too dangerous.

Ben had never known why Luke kept her from the trials. He wouldn’t have believed it, anyway. According to him, there was nothing more powerful than his Skywalker blood. The daughter of two nobodies in the Force could never be a match for him.

“No.”

He laughed, the sound sending a chill up her spine. “No? You know I can take whatever I want. I’ve seen your mind. You haven’t used the Force since the temple fell. It wouldn’t even be hard.”

Her heartbeat betrayed her fear, but she pushed it down, molding her face into its best approximation of the Erso scowl. “I dare you to try.”

There was no way to prepare yourself for the excruciating pain when another Force user breached your mind, so Rey was glad she didn’t have to wait long. He raised his hand immediately, a burning sensation ripping across her temples. The touch of his mind felt like the scrape and burn of hot knives across her consciousness, screams ripping from her throat. Every one of her muscles rebelled against the intrusion, arms and legs pushing against the restraints. He was right, she had no hope of defending herself, not when she had lost her only defense for over a year now.

Probing deeper, he found her memories of Poe - sparring on the training mats, running flight simulations in his room, bending her over in a broom closet while she screamed his name, saying I love you before doing something stupid and heroic.

“The pilot? You’re fucking the pilot?” he roared, pulling back his probe. Rey sank back against the hard metal of the chair, overwrought muscles jumping at the sudden lack of tension. Tears continued to stream down her face.

The reprieve was short lived. Now he was angry, digging around in her brain out of spite. He wasn’t even looking for the map to Skywalker anymore, just hellbent on doing the most damage. Soon, there would be nothing left of her, just an empty shell where Rey used to be.

That’s when he made his first mistake.

It was an accident as far as she could tell, Kylo brushing against a part of her mind she hadn’t even realized she’d locked away. That’s all it took. She drew a gasping breath, the Force flooding through her like a dam had broken. She could feel everything - every plant, animal, and human on base, the empty space where the core of the planet used to sit, the husk of a star half a system away.

For a second, it threatened to pull her under, the pain and feeling drowning her. And then it was over. For the first time since the temple fell, she felt complete.

Her eyes popped open.

The power he used to invade her mind was drawn from some ancient, dark side of the Force, one completely unfamiliar to Rey. It was almost too easy to reverse the link, turning Kylo’s tricks against him.

A 15-year-old brought low by his master, embarrassment and rage fighting for dominance. A whisper in the back of his mind, telling him that he is destined for more. A secret meeting among his chosen knights, the plan to take down their master forming. Rey’s face, smiling up at him in the early hours of the morning, the post-sex glow lighting up her face. Fear and disappointment courtesy of his new master.  _Y_ _ou will never be as strong as Darth Vader._ A single name: Snoke.

The connection cut out, Kylo stumbling backwards towards the wall.

Eyes wide and chest heaving, he stared at her in absolute awe. It would have been insulting if she cared about that sort of thing anymore.

Without another word, he swept from the room, the door sealing behind him with an exaggerated hiss. She knew better to than to fight against the restraints.

Of course, he’d leave her strapped to the chair, alone and vulnerable.

Or was she?

There was a shuffling noise behind her, Rey reaching out in the Force. A stormtrooper, brainwashed and weak-minded by the feel of him.

“You will remove these restraints, and leave this cell with the door open.”

There was a pause, the trooper shuffling toward her. “What did you say rebel scum?”

Shit, she was out of practice.

Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes, reaching out to the Force around her. She drew it in, relishing the feel. When she spoke the next time, she could feel the power behind her words. “You will remove these restraints, and leave this cell with the door open.”

The effect was instantaneous. The trooper straightened, as if by a string, his voice even more robotic as he repeated, “I will remove those restraints, and leave this cell with the door open.”

He reached behind the chair, the restraints springing open. Rey rubbed her wrists, turning to watch the stormtrooper mechanically walk towards the door. As an afterthought she added, “And you’ll drop your weapon.”

“And I’ll drop my weapon.” Thud.

Rey scrambled off the chair and picked up the blaster, edging her way out of the interrogation room. Checking to make sure the coast was clear, Rey took off down the empty hall, taking cover in a doorwell when she heard some troopers approaching. Back pressed against the durasteel wall, she waited until they passed to make another mad dash.

Down one hallway and up the next, she slowly made her way through the First Order base. Or at least she hoped she had. Every kriffing hallway looked the same in this place. She needed to find a hangar, steal a ship. That was the only way she was getting out of here.

Another turn brought her to a cavernous opening lined with catwalks. Shit, she was all turned around. This had to be the center of the base, some major component of the weapon. The furthest spot possible from a hangar.

She backtracked, looking over her shoulder while she took a corner, only to run smack in to a warm body.

Her pilfered blaster went up, as did the hands of Uncle Han, Chewie, and Finn.

“Whoa kid, don’t shoot,” barked out Uncle Han, but Rey was already throwing herself into his arms.

He patted her awkwardly. “Okay, okay, I’m happy to see you, too.”

Next it was Chewie’s turn, the wookiee returning her hug with a little more vigor. Finally, she turned to Finn, closing the distance in two steps. He wrapped his arms around her.

“You came back,” she whispered into his shoulder.

“Of course, I did. Are you okay, did he hurt you?” He took a step back, holding her at arm’s length to inspect for damage. “How did you get away?”

“It’s a long story.”

Chewie yowled behind Finn.

“Yeah, I know," answered Uncle Han. "Guys, as heartwarming as this reunion is, we’ve gotta get out of here before Poe’s squadron shows up and blows this place sky high.”

Her head snapped up at that. “Poe? Does that mean-”

“He’s alive.” Finn’s face broke into a wide smile.

Rey took a step back, the breath knocked out of her. He was alive. He was alive and _here_. Swallowing thickly, she choked back the tears that threatened to fall. She could cry later, right now they had to get out of here.

They followed Han and Chewie into a turbolift and onto the main floor. Another series of winding hallways spit them out at an exterior door.

A battle raged overhead as they ran through the snow, X-wings dodging and firing at the base while TIEs gave chase. Rey frantically searched the sky for any sign of Black One, catching a glimpse as Poe took a dive to avoid another shot from a TIE.

Uncle Han stopped mid stride, watching as the mounted cannons took out yet another Resistance craft. “They’re in trouble. We gotta do something or they’ll blow us off the map. Chewie’s got a bag full of explosives. Let’s use them.”

From there, they split up, Finn and Rey going to override the doors to the oscillator while Han and Chewie set the explosives. If all went according to plan, they’d meet back on the Falcon in 10 minutes.

Rey made quick work of the fuses, one yank and every door in the damn base opened. Ok, that was an exaggeration, but she definitely cleared a path to the oscillator. With time running out, they went back to see if they could help Chewie and Han set the charges.

The door let them out on a balcony of some sort overlooking the inner workings of what Finn referred to as Starkiller Base. It had been the Hosnian System’s destruction she felt back on Takodana, billions upon billions of lives extinguished in an instant, courtesy of this weapon.

And Ben had been a part of it. No, not Ben. It was Kylo Ren who threw his hat in with the First Order, some monster named Snoke creating him in his likeness.

Speaking of Kylo Ren, he was standing opposite Uncle Han on a narrow catwalk. Below them, the oscillator opened into a bottomless pit, going deep into the planet’s empty core.

“What is he doing?” asked Finn.

“That’s his son.” Her voice was barely a whisper as she watched Uncle Han approach Ben.

From up here, she couldn’t make out any of the conversation, but they were definitely talking. It had never been easy between them. But maybe, just maybe, Han could be the one to convince him to come back. Turn himself in. Help them defeat this Snoke and the First Order.

Han reached out a hand. Ben looked at it, his saber poised just above Han’s palm when a shadow crossed his face. The last light had gone. The weapon was fully charged.

It happened too fast for Rey to comprehend. One second, the hilt of Ren’s saber was in Han’s hand, the next his unstable red blade was through Han’s chest.

The scream ripped from her throat. “No!”

The rest seemed to happen in slow motion. Ren yanking the saber from Han’s body. Han reaching up to touch his son’s face. Ren watching as Han fell into the abyss.

Somewhere in the cavernous room, Chewie howled, a mournful sound that stole the breath from Rey’s lungs. A shot rang out from his bowcaster, the direct hit bringing Kylo Ren to his knees. Rey struggled against Finn’s rough hands, the only thing keeping her from running down there to finish the job herself. Sensing her, Ren looked up, their eyes locking for a second before all hell broke loose.

In the next second, stormtroopers were everywhere, flooding in from every crack and crevice in the base. Blaster bolts flew, sparks flying as they hit anywhere but home. Rey got off shot after shot, stormtroopers dropping like flies as she covered Chewie.

For a moment, the entire world erupted into flame.

The heat sent them stumbling back towards the open door. One side of the oscillator was completely consumed, a hole big enough to fit an X-wing opening in the ceiling.

Finn grabbed the top of her arm, tugging her toward the door. “We need to go. Rey!”

She couldn’t tear her eyes away from Ben, Kylo, whatever the fuck he went by these days. The snarl on his face was almost animal as he looked up at her, his eyes never leaving her face as Finn dragged her out into the snowy darkness.

Night had fallen on Starkiller. Well, could it be considered night when you’ve eaten your star? Either way, darkness had fallen, the temperature rapidly approaching something unlivable for humans. Rey’s desert clothes provided no protection against the cold, wet snow as they scrambled up a hillside in search of the Falcon.

“This way,” said Finn, helping her over the final hump.

They took off running through the forest, Rey grateful for the distraction. She couldn’t think about Poe or Uncle Han or Aunt Leia or Ben when she needed to focus on her breath or keeping her footing on the snow-covered grass.

Finn stopped dead at the edge of a clearing.

Kylo Ren stalked out of the trees, illuminated by the shaky red blade of his lightsaber. “We’re not done yet.”

He was in pain, that much was sure, sweat dripping down his sneering face despite the freezing temperature.

“You’re a monster.”

Finn looked at her like maybe she shouldn’t be antagonizing the man who’d just killed his own father, but Rey didn’t care. She’d known Ben Solo most of her life. She’d trained with him, broke bread with him, even shared a bed with him. She’d spent years of her life trying not to anger him, trying to be someone he could love. That time was over now. There was nothing he could do to scare her anymore.

He beat his chest, blood spattering the snow. “It’s just us now. You don’t have to pretend.”

She let her anger get the better of her, raising the blaster in her hand without thinking. That’s all the distraction Ren needed. With a flick of his wrist, she was soaring, up, up, until a sickening crack sent her tumbling into darkness.

 

Rey blinked. The world was on fire, red light searing past her eyelids while she burned alive.

But that wasn’t right. She struggled to organize her thoughts past the pounding in her head. Everything was slow, like she was trying to think through molasses, thoughts sticking. No, it wasn’t heat, but cold that burned her skin.

Crackling red light met her eyes as she rolled over in the snow. A crash as red met blue, twin beams clashing and parting in the night.

She sat up slowly, leaning against the nearest tree. Trees. Snow. Starkiller. Ben. Kylo. Han. Finn. A scream echoed through the night. _Finn._

It came back to her in a rush. Jakku, Takodana, Starkiller. The planet tipped precariously as she got to her feet, stumbling the first few steps toward the clearing as she willed her vision to clear.

Stopping to catch her breath, she watched as Finn lashed out with the lightsaber, the same one that spoke to her on Takodana. He connected with Ren’s shoulder, a hit all the more impressive for his inexperience with the ancient weapon.

But Kylo was the superior fighter. He straightened almost immediately, and with one vicious swing sent Finn’s lightsaber flying across the clearing.

Unarmed, Finn was helpless to stop the red blade as it sliced a path up his back. He fell to the ground, unmoving, as Ren deactivated his saber.

Leaning against a tree, Rey struggled to remain conscious, blinking the spots out of her vision. She needed to concentrate, to stop Ren, but her own brain rebelled against her.

Satisfied with his work, Kylo Ren turned his attention toward the abandoned lightsaber sticking out of the snow. He reached for it in the Force, calling it to himself.

Rey lifted her hand without thinking, a reflex born of her years of training. There was never any doubt as the saber flew past Ren and straight into her outstretched hand.

As soon as the smooth metal of the hilt touched her skin, her mind cleared, the fog lifting.

It felt different from her own saber, the one she lost when the temple fell. A bit heavier, and the balance was all off, but she could work with it. Yes, she could work with this.

The stunned expression on his face quickly melted into resolve as she brought the saber into position and ignited it.

She spun it once to get the feel for it, the blue beam a little steadier than her green. Legend told that you would never get the same performance out of another’s saber, something about the individuality of kyber crystals, but she couldn’t deny the rightness she felt when she held this sword.

It had called to her.

But there wasn’t time to examine what that meant, not when Ren had ignited his own saber, the red beam crackling with instability.

They stood the standard distance apart, shoulders squared off. This was a familiar dance, the years spent training and sparring together coming back in an instant. In all those years, she’d never beaten him at a duel.

_But did you ever try?_

The question floated up from the back of her mind. _Had_ she ever really tried to beat him? Maybe in the beginning, when she was young and thought she had something to prove. But even then, the stakes had never felt real. She wouldn’t die if she lost.

But as she looked into Kylo Ren’s dark eyes, she knew he wouldn’t hesitate to kill her. Or worse, capture her.

She was done waiting.

With a yell, she exploded into motion, Ren easily blocking her opening move. Another swing and another block, but at least she had him on the defensive. He spun out of her reach, the next turn of her saber ending up in a tree. The pause was long enough for him to get his footing, lashing out just as Rey pulled her blade free.

And just like that she was on the defensive, unable to do anything but block his attacks. She’d forgotten how good he was at this, even with the wound in his side that continued to drop blood across the snow. It wasn’t long before she was dripping sweat from the effort, her arms shaking thanks to the months of disuse. She hadn’t taken into account how out of practice she was, how the saber felt just a little off balance in her hands.

He was winning.

It was pretty obvious. He continued to push her back further and further, through the forest, past a grouping of rocks. Trees fell around them. She wasn’t even fighting him anymore. She was running from him, turning around only long enough to block a hit before taking off again.

The ground rumbled beneath her feet.

They’d done it. The Resistance had managed to blown up the oscillator. The planet was imploding.

It didn’t matter that she’d failed to defeat Kylo Ren. The planet was going down, and both of them with it. She just had to stay alive long enough to make sure of it.

Her plan hit a snag when the ground behind her fell away, leaving a deep ravine in its wake. Ren saw his opening, taking her next block and using it to push her closer to the chasm.

Arms shaking, she struggled to hold him, his brute strength pushing her own saber closer and closer to her face. With each breath, she could feel the heat of the blade inching toward her. At this rate, he’d end her and still have enough time to get off this Force-forsaken planet.

Ben took the opportunity to speak. “There’s so much more to the Force than what Luke taught us, I know that now. I could teach you. I could show you all the ways of the Force.”

Oh, the Force.

It hit her that she’d been fighting Ren the way Poe taught her, the way she’d been forced to all these months when the Force was lost to her. She’d never be able to beat Ben in a show of brute strength, but with the Force she stood a chance.

Her eyes fell closed as she reached deep inside herself for that familiar power, taking a deep breath to steady her heartbeat. Her breathing slowed.

It started in her chest and bloomed outward, fortifying her arms and steadying her legs. The encroaching blade held for a second before she inched it toward Ben. Opening her eyes, she saw the surprise on his face, the sweat dripping as he struggled against her strength. The blades moved another inch.

Ben looked worried now, her blade closer to his face than it was to hers. She looked him dead in the eye as both she and her blade spun around, the surprise allowing her get on the other side of him.

Now his back was to the widening gulf as she went on the offensive, the clash of their sabers deafening even over the rumbling of the planet. Crash after crash echoing through the trees as she continued to strike, Ben barely able to block her. Her form was piss-poor, but it was working, Ben slipping up long enough for her land a strike at his knees.

A section of his ridiculous cloak burned away, and he went down, looking up at her from his knees for a second before getting back to his feet. One handed, he lashed out, Rey blocking him as he held his injured side.

A quick jab to the shoulder had him grunting in pain, backpedaling as Rey stalked forward. He could barely keep his feet under him. Bringing her saber down in a vicious chop over her head, she used it against him, lashing out with a foot to bring him to the ground again.

Chest heaving from the exertion, she circled him, rage boiling in her veins. Distantly, she knew it was wrong, the emotion, the rage, all the dangers of the dark side she’d been warned about, but in that moment nothing mattered but the deep calm that had settled over her and the need to defeat Kylo Ren.

Somehow, he got to his feet again. She blocked his next swing with a flick of her wrist. He was getting sloppy, and apparently so was she judging by the way he caught her wrist on the next move. Realizing what he was trying to do, she grabbed his wrist before his saber could reach her.

Locked by the wrists, they continued to push each other, Rey able to angle his red blade down into the snow with a shout. It burned and crackled on the snow, steam rising in the night air. Kylo roared in frustration and she brought him lower and lower, trying to get the saber out of his hand and onto the ground.

Rey struggled to keep going, her arms starting to shake again. The power she tapped into earlier was waning. She needed to end this quickly or face the consequences.

WIth one final burst of strength, she pulled her wrist free, spinning up and around with a slash of her saber.

This time he stayed down.

Teeth bared, she looked down at him, pitiful as he struggled to sit up. There was fear in his eyes when he looked at her, the mark left by her saber bisecting his forehead before heading across one cheek and dropping down his neck past the shoulder.

Her saber poised to strike, a dark little voice in the back of her head told her to end it, to end him with a single stroke. And she could. He was unarmed, looking up at her from his knees. Even his eyes begged her to finish this.

One breath, and then two passed, her chest heaving. It was not much more than a moment’s hesitation, but it was enough for ground to open up between them, taking the option from her.

She took off, not waiting to see if his monstrosity swallowed him whole. The ground continued to shift beneath her feet, the planet becoming more unstable by the second.

Finn was right where she left him, lying motionless in the snow. Her hands scrabbling against his throat, she searched for a pulse. A sob escaped her lips when she found it beating steadily against her fingers. He was alive.

But neither would be for long. The rumbles had escalated to a full on earthquake. The planet was in its death throes.

All of it had been for nothing. She couldn’t finish Ren. She couldn’t save Finn. She’d die on this rock.

Tears came as she buried her face in Finn’s chest. His heart beat under her forehead, pulsing in time with her head. The ache was back, or maybe it had never left, her thoughts starting to fragment.

Bright lights set her eyelids ablaze. She looked up to find the Millenium Falcon hovering over the snow, the familiar outline of Chewbacca just visible in the cockpit.

Relief flooded through her as he landed, running out to help her move Finn. She followed behind them, a little unsteady on her feet. Chewie left him in the main hold to head into the cockpit. They weren’t out of the woods yet.

The Falcon shuddered as the planet continued to crumble, Rey bracing herself against the bulkhead. She made sure Finn was stable before following Chewie into the cockpit.

She swallowed against her roiling stomach, her mouth starting to water ominously. Blinking, she struggled to focus on the task at hand, Chewie needing to point out which buttons she should to press.

They took her up, the planet crumbling beneath them. The surface ruptured before they could break atmo, the ground swallowed by the glowing core. Chewie navigated around eruptions of lava reaching up towards the Falcon.

By the time they reached the edge of the planet, there wasn’t an atmosphere to leave. They cleared the ruin Starkiller had become just before it exploded into a glowing ball of gas.

Chewie hit the lever to take them into hyperspace.


	15. After Starkiller

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reunions are had all around when Rey returns to D'Qar.

The two hours back to base were pure hell, Chewie taking the controls while Rey checked on Finn’s unresponsive form every five minutes. They’d laid him out on his stomach in the main hold, Rey too afraid to touch the burns on his back.

She’d seen lightsaber wounds before, mostly small burns brought on by carelessness or an attempt to show off, but nothing like the raw wound tracing the path of Finn’s spine. It was cauterized as all lightsaber wounds were, but the skin surrounding it looked livid, hot to the touch and swollen. From what she could see, it wasn’t deep, and nothing was exposed that shouldn’t be, so then why wasn’t he waking?

He was still breathing. She comforted herself with the rise and fall of his back, even if it sounded a little labored to her untrained ears. Breathing was good. They could work with breathing.

Her own head throbbed, dizziness threatening to overtake her as she ran to the head, just making the toilet before she threw up what meager portions still lingered in her stomach. When was the last time she ate, anyway? Takodana? How many days ago had that been? Every breath sent hot knives into her side and bending down was agony, her back protesting its rough treatment at the hands of Ben.

_No. His name is Kylo Ren_ , she reminded herself as she coughed and gagged, tears springing to her eyes. Ben had chosen to become that monster, so she’d call it by name.

She spit once, debating if she was going retch again and deciding against it. Hitting the flusher, she watched as the water and the contents of her stomach swirled then disappeared. Her head rested against the durasteel of the bulkhead, the metal cooling her flushed skin.

Three deep breaths later she was ready to stand, making her way to the small sink. She looked at her reflection in the filthy mirror - when was the last time anyone had cleaned this ship? - taking in the circles so dark they looked like twin black eyes, the way her stringy hair clung to her forehead. Splashing water on her face, she tried to control the shaking in her limbs. She told herself it was just the leftover adrenaline, the comedown from her fight.

Her knees unsteady, she made her way back to the cockpit, one hand on either side of the wall to guide her path.

She shook her head in an attempt to clear her thoughts, but the world went fuzzy for a moment, the spin of the stars outside the viewport threatening to bring up whatever was left in her stomach.

Chewie chuffed out a concern from the co-pilot’s seat.

“I’m fine, Uncle Chewie. Just a little tired. How long ‘til we’re back in the Illenium System?”

He looked doubtful, but didn’t comment further, instead barking a short answer to her question.

“Ok, that should be enough time to go check on Finn one more time. I’ll be back.” Her neck and hips and back all protested as she stood up, lurching as she got to her feet. She ignored it, blaming the rickety Falcon for her unsteadiness.

She found herself at Finn’s side, not entirely sure how she got there. There was a disconnect between brain and body, like her head was packed full of fluff. Looking down at her friend, she struggled to remember what she was doing here.

_Right. Check to make sure he’s breathing,_ her sluggish brain provided, and Rey did as it said, watching the steady rise and fall of his sides for confirmation.

Having completed her mission, she turned and walked back down the hall, dropping into her seat just as the proximity alarms rang.

Her brain on autopilot, she helped Chewie bring the old girl down, thankful that Poe had drilled the basics into her to the point that flying felt like second nature. No sooner had they landed than Rey was running toward the ramp to meet the medical team they requested from the air. She explained Finn’s injuries from what she remembered - she’d actually spent a fair amount of time knocked out - watching as the team transferred him to a stretcher and took him off the Falcon.

Rey followed behind, blinking in the weak sun of D’Qar. Leia appeared in front of her, Rey dreading the moment when she’d have to meet the General’s eyes. Together they watched as Finn disappeared into the base, the team only stopping when Poe ran out, barking orders and requesting updates. She turned her attention back to Leia.

She had been right to dread this, the look on Leia’s face enough to snap her foggy mind into focus. Leia already knew, of course she knew, there was no way she hadn’t felt his death in the Force. But when she looked at Rey, it wasn’t confirmation she was looking for but contradiction. Her eyes begged Rey to tell her there was hope, that her husband was still alive.

Rey couldn’t do that.

“I’m so sorry, Aunt Leia,” she managed to sob out, falling into Leia’s open arms. “It was Ben. Kylo was Ben all along.”

“I know, sweetheart. I know.”

Rey sank into the embrace, the world tilting precariously as Leia smoothed her back.

“Rey!”

Her head shot up, the sound of her name in that particular voice dragging her out of the fog.

“Poe?”

“Rey!”

He ran toward her in the gathering crowd, dodging pilots and droids and mechanics. Leia let her go, Rey taking two steps forward before he smashed into her, slowing down just enough to soften the blow.

Then she was in his arms and he was crying and she was crying and they were talking over each other.

“Oh thank Gods, I don’t know what I would have done-”

“Finn told me you were dead! I thought you were-”

“…would take a lot more than that to-”

“And then they came back for me, and you were alive-”

Then he was kissing her, in front of Leia and the droids and all of the Resistance to see.

The world spun out around her, his lips stealing her breath and leaving her floating.

She gave a wobble, Poe pulling back with a concerned noise.

“Rey? Are you okay?”

She looked at Poe’s two faces - both of which looked quite concerned - trying to bring at least one into focus. “I’m fine. Just a bump.”

His hands wandered over her body, Rey hissing as he touched a sensitive spot on the back of her skull.

“Medic!” he shouted as the edges of her vision faded out.

Ok, maybe she wasn’t fine. In fact, she must be hallucinating if she thought she saw Jyn and Cassian Andor running towards her right before the world went black for the second time that day.

 

Rey woke in near darkness, her pulse beating in time with the ache at the back of her skull. The salty-tang of bacta wafted off her skin as she shifted, noticing her guest for the first time.

Poe’s head lay next to her on the bed, his soft curls tickling her arm. While he was technically sitting on a chair next to her low cot, he had leaned so far over he was practically sharing the bed with her. She ran her fingers through his hair, half expecting him to wake up. He didn’t even stir, Rey letting her fingers drift to trace the lines of his face.

Even asleep he looked exhausted, the ever present circles under his eyes looking darker than she’d seen them. The purple smudges stood out in stark contrast to his golden skin, his cheeks and forehead dotted with small cuts and scrapes. His jaw looked a little swollen in the dim light. She knew it’d be the same anywhere she looked on his body - IT-000s were nothing if not thorough.

“He’ll be so mad he missed you waking up.”

Rey started, dropping her hand and searching for the source of the voice she’d know anywhere. She found it in a dim corner she hadn’t noticed earlier. “Mama? What happened? Where’s Finn? What are you doing here?”

Her mother chuckled, nodding toward Poe’s sleeping form. “Don’t stop on my account. Hate to break it you, but that particular loth-cat is out of the bag.” She pointed to Rey’s chest, Rey looking down to find Shara’s ring hanging from her neck.

Well, that certainly wasn’t there before.

Jyn sat down on the edge of the bed. “You passed out shortly after you landed. A concussion and a couple of bruised ribs. Finn,” she paused, taking a moment to find the right words. “Finn is a little more complicated. What happened, baby?”

Kylo Ren happened. But how could she even begin to explain that mess to her mother?

Jyn must have seen something in her face, leaning over to wrap her arms around Rey. “Hey, we don’t have to talk about it right now. There’ll be plenty of time later.” Rey choked back a sob, burying her face in her mother’s shoulder while she smoothed her hair. “It’s ok, baby. I’ve got you.”

So she cried. She cried for Uncle Han, killed by his own son. She cried for the entire Hosnian System, for the billions of lives extinguished in an instant. She cried for Poe and Finn, but most of all she cried for herself. For the violation she’d suffered at Ben’s hands. For the conflict she felt when forced to fight him. For the knowledge deep in her bones that she’d be the one to end him.

Her mother held on tight, her love and devotion coming through the Force as if she was speaking it out loud. Rey would have to get used to it again - Jyn was quite the projector.

Slowly, she pulled away, dropping back on to the pillows. “Where’s Papa?” She sounded about five, but was -quite frankly - too tired to care.

Jyn smoothed Rey’s hair back from her face. “He spent the better part of an hour glaring at Poe, so for everyone’s health and safety, I sent him to help Leia in Central Command. You know him, he’s probably running the entire intelligence arm by now.”

But Rey didn’t know him, not really.  Or at least, that part of him. Rey couldn’t even begin to reconcile the soft spoken farmer she called “papa” to Cassian Andor, Hero of Scarif and Rebellion Spy. Belatedly, her mother seemed to realize that.

“We’ll talk, baby. About everything.” She squeezed Rey’s hand. “I promise.”

They sat in silence for a moment. “Speaking of, that’s new,” her mother said delicately, nodding toward where Rey’s hand had once again found Poe’s curls. She hadn’t even realized she was doing it; her hand seemed to have a mind of its own.

He needed a shower, dried blood crusted on his nose and cheeks, curls greasy and matted to his forehead, the distinct smell of sweat and jet fuel and the oil they used to grease S-foils coming off his skin. Yet, even swollen and bruised, he was beautiful to look at. It really wasn’t fair.

Rey tore her eyes away from Poe to look up at her mother. “Well, we weren’t speaking, and it happened so fast and-”

“Rey, I’m just messing with you. We both know you can do worse than Poe Dameron.” Her mother looked at the man in question, a soft expression creeping on to her face. Sometimes she forgot that her mother had probably spent more time with Poe growing up than she had with her own daughter, thanks to the Jedi. That could make this interesting. “In fact, a little birdy told me that you have done worse. Ben Solo, Rey? Really?”

Rey spared a dirty look for her sleeping pilot, no doubt in her mind who that little birdy was.

“Go easy on him, he was a wreck when he came back from Takodana and Finn told him who took you. Apparently, he already had suspicions about Ren’s identity. And I was in Command when Starkiller was breaking apart - he ignored a direct order to return to base until he had confirmation you were on the Falcon.” Jyn ran a hand over his stringy curls, Poe still not stirring. Rey wondered if she should check to make sure he was still breathing. “He is completely in love with you.”

Rey sighed. “I know.” Her mother quirked an eyebrow at her. “I mean, he told me right before they took him on Jakku. I was so fucking terrified - I just stood there. As soon as he walked away, I realized it. I was in love with him.” She paused, thinking for a moment. “But how can I be in love with Poe when I’m still heartbroken from...” she trailed off, not even wanting to say the name.

Jyn gave her a sad smile. “Welcome to the world of attachment, Jedi. It’s messy and complicated and makes absolutely no sense at all.” She stopped, reaching over to tuck a lock of Rey’s hair behind her ear.  “But it does make life worth living.”

They sat in silence, both watching the soft rise and fall of Poe’s chest on the bed.

“I could have finished it.” That got her mother’s attention. “On Starkiller. I could have finished him, and I hesitated.”

“Ben?”

“Ben, Kylo, whatever the fuck he calls himself these days. I had him on the ground, unarmed, injured, all but given up. I could have ended it right there, and I couldn’t do it. I hesitated for a second and then the ground opened up and made the decision for me.”

Her mother opened her mouth to say something, Poe choosing that moment to wake up.

“Rey!” Seeing she was awake, he sat up, getting off the chair. “Oh Gods, Rey, I thought.. I thought...” There were tears in his eyes when he put a hand on either side of her face, bringing her in for a soft kiss.

She felt her mother get off the bed.

Rey pulled back, her own eyes full. “Me? What about you? I spent two days thinking you were dead!”

“It’s a lot harder to kill me than that, Sunshine.”

She laughed, catching her mom out of the corner of her eye as she edged her way out of the room. “Mom, you don’t have to go.”

“I’m going to go down to Command,” she said, waving her off. “Make sure your father hasn’t reorganized the entire Resistance. He seems to find the current command structure lacking.” She gave them a long look. “Briefing in twenty. I’ll send Kalonia in to clear you, Rey.”

Her mother was barely out the door before Poe claimed her lips in another kiss, rough and needy, his mouth somehow conveying everything from the past few days. Fear, pain, anguish, hope all came at her rapid fire, but most of all was the pure relief. He loved her. He loved her and she needed to tell him, needed him to hear the words and know that she felt it too.

She broke the kiss. “I love you,” she panted, running a hand over his bruised cheek. When had he joined her in the bed? “I knew it as soon as you walked away from me and I was too scared-”

“Shhh, shhh, I know.” He kissed her forehead, letting her bury her face in his chest. He smelled even worse there, Rey trying and failing to suppress a hysterical giggle.

“What?”

“You smell like the back end of a bantha.”

His chest rumbled in laughter beneath her ear. “Hey, you don’t exactly smell like a rose right now either, bacta breath.” He sobered up. “How’s your head?”

“It’s been better. Could have done without bouncing off that tree.”

“Did Ben do it?” His voice sounded too even, like he was trying too hard to keep it that way.

She nodded, the motion sending stabbing pains down her neck. “Among other things.”

He pulled back, putting one hand on either side of her face. She didn’t need the Force to read the panic plain on his face. “What else did he do to you?”

She knew the longer she took to answer, the worse things he would imagine, but she needed a minute to collect her thoughts.

“He, uh, strapped me down on a chair and-” Her throat threatened to close up, tears filling her eyes. Taking a deep, shaky breath, she went on. “He went into my mind, dug around. Tried to find the map to Luke.” She couldn’t look at his face, didn’t want to see the horror or the pity that she knew would be written there, so she focused on the scratchy medbay pillow and the way his filthy orange flight suit played off the crisp, white sheets. “But it unlocked something, and the Force came flooding back like a dam breaking, and I’m mixing my metaphors, but I was able to push him out. But the damage was done, you know?” She finally looked at his face and rather than the pity or the sadness she expected, she found recognition. He _did_ know, apparently firsthand. “He did the same to you.”

It wasn’t a question, but he answered it like one. “Yeah. When the droid couldn’t get anything, Ben took matters into his own hands.” Poe’s jaw tensed. “It was quick, I’ll give him that.”

“Oh, Poe.” Her hand stroked his stubbled cheek, trying to avoid the worst of the cuts and bruises.

He gave her his best smile, which at the moment wasn’t all that great. “Hey, we have something else in common now.”

“I guess we do.” She touched the ring around her neck, laying side by side with the Jedi necklace he’d given her all those months ago. “When did this happen?”

He picked the ring up off her chest, letting it sit in the palm of his hand. “Sometime after bacta but before I fell asleep. Figured you could use all the luck you could get.”

She tipped her head up, pressing the softest kiss on his lips. They needed to talk about this and what it meant, but it didn’t need to be right this second. It would keep. “Thank you.”

A throat cleared in the doorway. “Sorry to interrupt, but I heard I have a patient to clear. Commander Dameron, I’d be happy to find an unoccupied bed for you if you’re feeling ill.”

He extricated himself from her arms, his flight suit leaving smudges on the sheets. “No need, Dr. Kalonia. I’ll see myself out. I’ll be right outside, Rey.”

She turned to the doctor. “How’s Finn?”

“You people all seem to have a fascination with that man. Your boyfriend was so frantic about the two of you, it took me a while to figure out who he was with.” She shook her head, a small smile on her lips.  The older woman’s mouth formed a straight line as she shined a small light first into one of Rey’s eyes and then the other. “It’s complicated.”

“That’s what my mother said, too."

Kalonia sighed, pausing her exam. “It’s been a long time since any of us have treated a lightsaber wound. Bacta is helping, but he hasn’t regained consciousness. Brain scans are negative for any damage. We have no doubt he’ll make a full recovery, but…”

“But, what?”

“He has to wake up first. So, it’s complicated.” She resumed her examination, touching a tender spot on the back of Rey’s head. Rey winced. “That was quite the knock you took. I’m shocked you remained conscious as long as you did.”

Rey debated saying anything, not sure if they would confine her to a bed if Kalonia knew the whole story, but honesty won out in the end. “I was out for a bit on Starkiller, too.”

“Well, everything looks good, now. It’ll be sore for a few days, so take it easy, but I don’t see why you can’t attend the briefing. Provided you go straight to bed afterwards.”

Rey let out a sigh of relief as Kalonia finished up. It only took five more minutes for the doctor to release her with a painkiller for the headache and a warning to come back if she felt dizzy or nauseous again.

As promised, Poe was waiting for her just outside the door. “All good?”

She nodded, regretting the movement instantly. “All good.”

They walked toward Central Command, Poe taking her hand about halfway there.

“So we’re doing this?” she asked, looking down at their twined fingers.

He hesitated. “I’m ready if you are.”

A little thrill went through her stomach at the prospect. It was time. Hells, it was past time they went public with this (not that it was much of a secret anymore).

“Beyond ready.”

The words were barely out of her mouth before his lips were on hers, her back quickly getting pressed against the wall. People continued to shuffle around them, a wolf whistle echoing down the corridor. Never pausing his exploration of her mouth, Poe flipped whoever it was off behind his back.

She giggled into his next kiss, breaking away to press her forehead against his.

“Get a room you two,” said Snap, slapping Poe on the back as he turned the corner into the briefing room.

“Like you should talk, how many times have I walked in on you and Karé?” Poe shouted after him, quickly turning his attention back to Rey.

“Wait, Snap and Karé? Since when?” she asked.

He placed a kiss on her forehead. “C’mon, I’m sure they’re waiting for us in there. I'll fill you in later.”

Grabbing her hand, he dragged her into the briefing room. Rey tried not to blush when every head in the command center turned their way, whispers breaking out as they made their way to the holotable hand-in-hand.

“Rey!”

Her dad took a tentative step forward. Dropping Poe’s hand, she ran into his arms.

“Papa,” she breathed out his name, Cassian keeping up a steady stream of almost unintelligible Festian in her ear.

After a minute, he switched into basic. “We thought we lost you. Gods, I’ve never been so scared in my life.”

“Let her breath, Cass.” Her mom put a hand on his shoulder. “I promise, she’s in perfect condition. I checked.”

Cassian huffed out a laugh, finally releasing her. He looked over Rey’s shoulder, his expression darkening.

“Hey, Uncle Cass.”

Poe had come up behind her, slinging an arm across her shoulders.

Cassian fixed him with a murderous stare. “Poe.”

Leia chose that moment to interrupt, her timing as impeccable as always. “Glad you two decided to join us.”

“Sorry, General. Kalonia had to clear Rey for duty.” Poe slid them in next to Aunt Leia, ignoring Cassian’s continued glares. “What have you got?”

Raising her voice, she spoke loud enough for the room to hear. “Artoo finally decided to come out of low-power mode. Inside his data files, we found this.” She nodded toward the old R2 unit, who rolled into the center of the room before turning on his projector.

A star map came to life over their heads. Rey’s eyes followed a red line to where it ended in a blank spot, the perfect fit for the map they recovered on Jakku.

“It’s the rest of the map.” Poe’s voice was soft with wonder as he looked around at the hologram.

BB-8 rolled over to Poe, requesting the datastick Tekka had entrusted to them. Poe retrieved it from the holotable, BB-8 rolling forward to project the rest of the map.

It fit perfectly, BB-8 dropping his own projection into Artoo’s map. As the rest of the Resistance cheered and hugged, Rey followed the completed red line, something clicking in her brain.

“Oh,” she whispered, walking through a planet she now recognized as Rakata Prime toward the end of the red line. “It’s Ahch-To.”

“Bless you?” Poe looked so proud of himself for that one.

Rey shot him A Look. “It’s a sacred Jedi planet. Supposedly unfindable.”

“Until now.”

She hadn’t heard Uncle Chirrut come up behind her. He chuckled when she jumped.

“I thought you figured out your problem, little one. You should have no trouble sensing an old man in the Force.”

“Wait, you knew that I had accidentally cut myself off from the Force? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I did. Remember, ‘the key you search for is not without, but within.’ That was pretty darn clear.”

Both Rey and Poe stared at him open mouthed as Baze laughed in the background.

“Come on, old man, stop pestering the children. I believe Jyn and Cassian promised us a drink.”

Rey continued to walk around the map after they left, oblivious to everything happening around them.

“I’m gonna go catch up with Dad,” said Poe after a minute.

That got her attention. “Kes is here?”

“Yeah, came out of retirement with your parents.”

“Kriff, this just got a lot more complicated, didn’t it?”

Poe laughed, leaning over to kiss her. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she melted into him, trying to deepen the kiss. Somewhere behind her, she could feel her father’s glare. Poe pulled away.

“Whoa, now. Don’t want your dad thinking I’m a bad influence.” A grin spread across his face. “I have good news, though. While you were out, I finally got assigned officer’s quarters.” He leaned over to whisper the next words in her ear. “Private officer’s quarters.”

Her teeth worried at her bottom lip. “You don’t say, Commander Dameron.”

“Room 1138. 2200 hours. Be there or be square, Commander Andor.”

With that, he left her to go find Kes, Rey watching as his bright orange flight suit disappeared into the crowd. As soon as she was alone, Leia approached.

“So what do you think?” Leia nodded toward the map.

“About?”

“You and Poe going to find Luke. It’s been your mission all along, I thought you two should see it through.”

Rey’s heart sank.

This was a big deal. Possibly the most important mission to the cause, and Leia was trusting her and Poe with it. She should be honored.

Leia seemed to sense her hesitation. “You’ll have to face him, eventually.”

Rey sighed.

Leia was right. She’d have to face her former master at some point, especially if the plan was to bring him back to D’Qar. That didn’t mean she had to be the one to go get him.

He’d left her. When the temple fell, he ran, and left her to alone to deal with the fallout. She’d practically lost everyone she’d ever known, and he couldn’t even bother to check in.

But this was bigger than her hurt feelings. They needed Master Skywalker.

“I know. I just hoped to put it off a little while longer.” She gave Leia a weak smile. “Of course I’ll go.”

“Thank you. You guys leave tomorrow, so try to get some sleep.” With a wink and a knowing look, Aunt Leia walked away, leaving Rey to blush in peace.

Not wanting to run into anyone else, least of all her parents, she snuck out the back door. She still needed to see Finn before finding Poe.

The air of celebration permeating the halls felt wrong to Rey as she made her way to the medbay. Half their fleet had been destroyed on Starkiller, not to mention what happened to the Hosnian system. And then there was Uncle Han…

The scene played over and over in her mind, like a holo she just couldn’t turn off. The saber igniting. Han reaching up to stroke Ben’s cheek. His body falling into oblivion. The cold indifference on Ben’s face.

Coupled with the fight in the woods, it still felt a little unreal, like a bad dream she was struggling to wake up from. How had she missed it? She’d spent more time with Ben than anyone else at the temple. Looking back, the signs were all there. The secret projects, the ridiculous mood swings, the Vader worship, it all added up to Ben’s fall. Everyone else had seen it, so why couldn’t she?

Maybe she’d been too close. Or maybe she just didn’t want to see what was happening. She’d loved him, or at least she thought she loved him back then. Everything was tangled in her head - Ben, Poe, Han, her feelings from the past few days shading her memories of all three.

Then there was the matter of Kylo Ren.

It sounded like the plan was to bring Luke back to finish him, but something told Rey that Kylo Ren wasn’t done with her yet. That she’d be the one to face him in the end.

She shook the feeling off as she entered the medbay, finding Finn alone on a bed in the corner.

Taking his hand in her own, she sat next to him. It broke her heart that he had nobody here. Well, he didn’t really have anybody anywhere. It’s not like the First Order would mourn his loss. From what she knew about the First Order, stormtroopers were a renewable resource, almost disposable to them.

She should have skipped the briefing, come straight here. Finn had flown back to the organization he’d just barely escaped to save her. The least she could have done was sat here with him.

“Great minds think alike.”

Rey turned at the familiar voice, finding Poe smiling down at her.

“Any change?” he asked, pulling up his own chair.

She shook her head.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the lines on the monitors move in time with his heartbeat.

“He saved me, you know. Walked right into the interrogation room on the Finalizer and released the restraints. I’d be dead right now if it wasn’t for him.” Poe grabbed Finn's other hand.

“Me too. He fought Ren while I was knocked out. He’s the only reason Ren didn’t kill me first thing.”

“He’s special, isn’t he?” Poe reached a hand out to her across Finn’s body.

She placed her hand in his, closing the little circle. “He really is.”

A few more minutes passed in silence, Rey’s head bobbing as she struggled not to doze off.

“There she is,” said Poe, startling Rey awake. Shit, how long had she been out.

She turned to find Rose standing at the edge of the bed, a thoughtful expression on her face as she looked down at Finn.

“So this is _the_ Finn. Former stormtrooper and Resistance Hero.”

Poe nudged Rose’s shoulder. “Hey, I’m a Resistance hero, too. I blew up Starkiller Base, remember? And Rey faced down Kylo Ren.”

Rose waved him off. “Yeah, but I know you two. Makes you less heroic.”

Rey couldn’t help but laugh at that.

“Anyway,” Rose continued, “I’m reporting for duty.”

Rey looked from Rose to Poe, completely lost.

“I didn’t want him to be alone.” Poe shrugged, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck. “So, I set up a rotation. Rose, Snap, Jess, Karé, and a few others will take turns sitting with him while we’re gone.”

Rey didn’t even stop to think, just crossed over to Poe and placed her lips on his.

“Uh, I know I’ve been a little out of the loop what with the missions and the Starkiller and everything, but does somebody plan on telling me what’s going on?”

Rey giggled, burying her face in Poe’s shoulder for a second before turning to Rose. “Uh, yeah, we’re together now.”

“How long?” She didn’t look mad per se, just a little shocked looking down at their clasped hands.

“I’m so sorry, Rose, we weren’t telling anybody-”

Rose cut her off. “How long?”

“Remember when we got stuck on Corellia for a day or so?” Rey shifted.

Rose let out a whoop. “Thank the Maker! I knew it! You two just won me 100 credits. ”

Poe and Rey exchanged a look.

“The pool! I had that trip. And Snap was so sure it was after the first time you two flew together. Oh, I can’t wait to see his face when I take his money.”

Rey caught Poe’s expression out of the corner of her eye, stifling a giggle. She wasn’t going to tell if he wasn’t.

“Anyway, I’m so happy for you guys.” Rose pulled her into a hug before moving on to Poe. “See, I told you she’d come around.”

Poe blushed scarlet, rubbing the back of his neck again. “Uh, thanks Rose.”

“Now, go. Get some sleep. I’ve got it under control here.”

Rey hugged her one last time. “Thanks, Rose. Night.”

She waited until they were out Rose's earshot to turn on Poe. “You asked her about me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter left, folks! Thanks to everyone who read and commented on this to keep me going through the dry spells. This was so much fun to write, and I hope you enjoy the conclusion!


	16. Master Skywalker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Poe's search for her errant master ends. Luke and Rey have a much needed conversation.

The trip to Ahch-To would take way too little time in Rey’s humble opinion. Not that two days confined to the Millenium Falcon was a short trip. It was just nowhere near enough time for her to wrap her head around the fact that she was going to see her former master, the man who abandoned her, for the first time in nearly a year. Especially not with Poe around to distract her.

They’d spent most of the trip in the main bunk, celebrating the victory on Starkiller the best way they knew how: naked.

Rey woke to movement on the bed, having passed out after round three (or was it four now?). Her eyes opened slowly, sleep reluctant to let her go. For the first time in recent memory, she woke without the help of the nightmare. Maybe facing down her former lover had exorcised her of the dream. Or maybe it was her acceptance that Ben and Kylo Ren were one and the same that vanquished him from her mind. Either way, she felt well rested for the first time in ages as Poe let himself back under the blankets and into her waiting arms.

“Still on course?” she asked, not really worried about the answer. There would be alarms and shaking and the panicked screams of a droid if they weren’t.

“Yup. Two hours out.”

Her head shot up from where she rested it on his chest. “How long was I asleep?”

Poe chuckled, running a hand through her tangles. “I don’t know, 18 hours? Oof, there’s no need to hit.”

“18 hours? Why the hells didn’t you wake me?”

“After that last time, I assumed I had worn you out.” She swatted at him again, watching as his face rearranged into something more serious. “Joking aside, it’s not like you got much rest over the past few days. I figured you needed it. The least I could do was let you sleep.” He shrugged at the last part, like it was no big deal, like he wasn’t looking out for her in a way no one had since she left home at five.

She tilted her head up to kiss him. “Thank you.”

All too soon she had to leave the warmth of his arms to get dressed, her bare feet burning on the cold durasteel floor as she tugged on the new pants. They had issued her new clothes for the occasion, something closer to her Jakku getup (plus a poncho that she had mixed feelings about) than a Resistance uniform or Jedi robes. The vest reminded her a little of Aunt Leia.

Rey’s stomach dropped when the alarms went off, Poe taking them out of hyperspace. Sitting in the co-pilot’s seat, she could feel the dread mounting as the Ahch-To came into view, vast oceans covering all but the small rocky outcropping rumored to contain the first Jedi temple.

Poe smiled as he brought them in. Not even the best pilot in the Resistance was immune to the legend of the Millenium Falcon. He took them down gently, landing with a finesse she would have envied had she not been so nervous.

Gathering her bag and the lightsaber (and leaving the poncho), she dragged her feet as long as possible.

“You ready?” asked Poe, slinging his own pack across his back. His hand reached for hers. They already decided to face Luke together, head on, no hiding. Still, Rey hesitated before slipping her hand into his.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

As an afterthought, she grabbed the staff that had served her so well on Jakku, strapping it to her back. She’d grown used to its weight, the gentle bump against her shoulder as she walked. Plus, she could use it to get up the nine thousand steps she’d seen when they landed.

They left BB-8 to watch the ship, Rey hesitating once more at the base of the stone steps.

Poe turned to her. “We can wait until tomorrow. Give it one more night on the ship.”

Rey shook her head. “No. Let’s get this over with.”

Without another word, they started up the steps, dropping hands when the path became too narrow. Soon, neither had breath to spare, the only sounds that of the waves and their combined breathing. They stopped halfway up to catch their breath, Rey leaning heavily on her staff while Poe bent over, back resting against a rock.

“Shit,” he panted, swallowing thickly. She handed him a canteen full of water. “They don’t make it easy, do they?”

She laughed, taking a drink when he passed the canteen back. “The Jedi never do.”

Storm clouds were rolling in by the time they reached the summit, a weird hush falling over the island. Rey could feel the Force coursing beneath her feet, like the island was a living and breathing entity all its own. Strange bird-like creatures flew above the waves, calling back and forth to one another before landing on the cliffs.

Silhouetted in the darkening sky was Luke Skywalker, his back turned to them, long robes scraping the ground. He was the only thing on the entire island that she couldn’t feel in the Force - a blank space among the ebb and flow of life.

She turned to Poe. “I think I need to do this alone,” she said, her voice nearly swallowed by the wind and waves. Poe nodded, hesitating a second before kissing her cheek. “Good luck.”

The walk to Master Skywalker felt a lot longer than the 10 meters it actually was, each of Rey’s steps careful and measured as she forced herself forward. A meter away, she stopped, digging the lightsaber out of her bag. The ancient weapon vibrated with power as she held it out toward Master Skywalker.

One breath, then two passed before her former master turned to face her.

He had aged in the months since she’d last seen him, his face more lined than she remembered. Lowering his hood, he revealed long hair to match the grizzled beard, completing the hermit look he was apparently going for. Tentatively, he reached for the saber with both hands, metal and flesh meeting the hilt simultaneously. Turning it over, he finally looked at her.

“You’ve come a long way,” he said, voice hoarse from disuse. One wiry eyebrow quirked up. “And not alone. We have much to talk about my padawan.”

At that, he handed her back the lightsaber, sweeping past with a dramatic turn of his cloak. Rey tried not to bristle at the use of the word padawan. She was long past the days she considered herself less than Luke Skywalker.

It was obvious he intended her to follow and so she did, watching as he paused to greet Poe in passing. Rey stopped in front of Poe as well, squeezing his hand for a second while she leaned in for a kiss.

“This shouldn’t take long, but if you want to go back to the ship…” She looked up toward the gathering clouds, a gust of wind lifting the curls off Poe’s forehead.

He squeezed her hand back. “I’ll be right here,” he answered, nodding toward a flat rock. To punctuate his point, he sat back, stretching his legs in front of him. “If you need me.”

A smile broke out across her face before she turned to find Luke watching her with some interest. Chastened, she followed him down a path to a small settlement of huts, Luke leading her into one with an X-wing panel for a door.

She sat on a stone bench in the middle of the room, Luke taking the seat across from her.

“Poe Dameron, huh? I always knew you could do better than my nephew.”

That was… not what she was expecting. A bark of laughter escaped her chest, her hand flying up to cover her mouth. “You knew?”

Master Skywalker gave her a wry smile. “You two weren’t exactly quiet.” Rey’s face heated. “It was the worst kept secret at the temple, everyone knew.”

They both seemed to realize it at the same time. Everyone who knew was dead.

Rey took a shaky breath, her voice cracking on the first word. “Did you know what he was planning?”

Luke’s face fell, the moment of levity evaporating. “I could sense the darkness in him, but there was always light there.” He paused, looking into the distance before meeting her eyes, that icy blue penetrating straight to her soul. “I always chose to see the light. It blinded me to who he really was and what he was planning. I think we both let it.”

She looked down, his gaze too much for her to bear.

He wasn’t wrong. She’d ignored the signs, every glaring red flag, simply because she thought he loved her. It became all too easy to turn a blind eye to the Vader worship and the secrets and the weird moods when he held her in his arms, whispering all the words she wanted to hear.

They’d both made mistakes when it came to Ben.

“Why did you run?” Her voice sounded small to her own ears, like she was five years old again, asking why he had to take her away. She swallowed, trying to choke down the tears rising in her throat. “Why did you leave me?”

He wouldn’t meet her eye. “My students were all dead and I thought-”

“I was your student!” she shouted, the outburst surprising even herself. The anger rose unbidden and uncontrollable, a year of resentment and barely simmering rage exploding out of her. “I was your student, and you left me behind. The people I’d grown up with, the only home I’d ever known, all of it gone in an instant. And where were you while I mourned? While I figured out how to live life without the Force, without the Jedi Order?” Her chest heaved as she finally finished, the tears she’d been holding back streaming down her face.

When Luke finally met her eyes, they shone in the dim light of the hut. “I failed. I failed all of you, but I failed you and Ben most of all. And the thought of having to face you, to deal with that failure…” He trailed off, looking into the distance. “So as soon as they cleared me, I ran.” Shaking his head, he looked down at the floor. “You never wanted this life, Rey. And I convinced myself…” There was a slight pause before he looked at her again. “I convinced myself you would be fine, maybe even better off, if I just let the Order die with me.” He reached for her hands.

Before he could make contact, she jerked out of reach. “And while you were letting the Order die, Kylo Ren and the First Order decimated an entire system. Billions of lives were lost because you couldn’t own up to your mistakes.”

Rey almost felt bad when Master Skywalker dropped his head to his hands. Almost.

It was a long minute before Luke lifted his head, Rey looking away as he wiped the tears from his face.

“That’s fair. You have every right to be angry with me. I abandoned you and the galaxy when you needed me most. I can’t go back and change that, but I can make it right. With your help, Master Andor, we can end this war and bring balance back to the galaxy.”

“Master Andor?” The words felt foreign in her mouth. “I’m not even a knight, let alone a master.”

“I think we can both agree you passed your trials with flying colors. And as the last two Jedi in the galaxy, we both deserve the title of master, don't you think?” He smiled at his own joke.

But Rey wasn’t having it. “I slept with a fellow Jedi - who turned dark because of it, by the way. Now I’m with my best friend. I refuse to give up my family again, I used my anger when I fought Kylo Ren, I’ve broken every tenant of the Code. I can’t be a Jedi Master.”

“I think we can both agree that the Code needs an update. With only two of left-”

“I don’t want it!” she blurted, stopping him mid sentence. Taking a deep breath, she ignored the look on his face as she went on. “I will help you in any way I can, but when this is over, I’m out. I want a different life than this.”

She thought back to a conversation she’d had with Poe a few weeks ago, before Jakku and Starkiller.

_Poe rolled on to his side, elbow propping up his head as he looked down at her. For once, she wasn’t annoyed by the tiny bunk or the thin mattress. It felt luxurious, being able to lounge in bed with him like this, no worry that Rose or Paige would catch them, no interruptions. She thanked the Maker for training exercises._

_Poe continued to watch her, a light finger trailing paths of heat across her naked skin. He had that look on his face again - light dancing in his eyes, a half smile playing across his lips - an expression she was starting to recognize but didn’t dare define._

_“What?” she finally said when it became too much._

_“Nothing. I just like looking at you.”_

_She tried not to roll her eyes. He was being extra sweet after their fight, spending the last hour plus showing her all the ways he was sorry, but this was just a bit much. “I can see the gears working in that head of yours, Dameron. Spill.”_

_“What’s next?” She must have made a face, because he quickly clarified. “For you, I mean. After we find Uncle Luke.”_

_“What do you mean? We still have a war to win.”_

_“After that. Luke is found, the war is won, the galaxy is yours for the taking - what is Rey Andor doing with her life?”_

_It wasn’t a hard question. It was just… “I haven’t thought about it. Like, at all.”_

_Poe looked at her like she was the most exasperating creature in the galaxy. “Come on, there’s no way that’s true. What do you see yourself doing after all this is over? Here, I’ll go first. After we kick the First Order’s ass, I’m going straight home to sleep for a week.” He paused for her laughter. “Then I’m gonna take a corner of Dad’s land and build a house, just like he did. No farming, though. Maybe I’ll do something in the defense fleet or start a transport service. Anything that keeps me in the cockpit for a few years longer.” His hand stilled on her stomach as he looked down at her. “Now, you.”_

_It was a pretty thorough plan, especially for a flyboy like Poe. Almost like he’d been thinking about it for a while._

_“I honestly don’t know.”_

_“Come on, we promised truth. If you don’t want to tell me, just say it.”_

_It wasn’t malicious, of that much she was sure. He just didn’t get it. “I’m not lying or evading the question. I just…” She took a deep, shaky breath, willing herself to go on. They_  had _promised the truth, after all._ _“Listen, until a few months ago, I didn’t have a future, at least not one I got to choose. So… I didn’t think about it. Ever. And since the temple fell, I haven’t been able to handle much more than one day at a time.” With a shrug, she dropped her eyes, not wanting to see the look of pity she knew would be on Poe’s face._

_“Kriff, I’m an idiot. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” Gentle fingers touched her chin. “Hey, please look at me.”_

_When her eyes connected with his, there was no pity waiting for her, just understanding and a touch of worry._

_She didn’t realize she was crying until his thumb swiped across her cheek._

_“I’m really karking things up today, aren’t I?” he asked gently, bringing her close._

_Rey huffed out a laugh. “A little bit.”_

_They were quiet again for a minute, her head pillowed on his chest, arms and legs hopelessly entangled. It had been a long time since she’d felt anything close to this content, that feeling of home Poe brought with him everywhere. It was that feeling that made her brave enough to speak._

_“I think…” she paused, letting the words gather in her head. “Before all the Jedi business, I wanted a family. I wanted to be a mom. Hells, I wanted to be our moms, flying around the galaxy, saving it all, but always coming home to Yavin 4.”_

_What she didn’t say was that five-year-old Rey was sure she was going to marry Poe and build a house exactly in the middle of her parents and his and that they’d have the best adventures and always kiss each other goodnight (just like her parents). It wasn’t a lie, not really. She was as truthful as she could be at the moment._

_“Our moms were pretty great back then, weren’t they?” His voice was as soft as his smile in the dim light of her bunk._

_Her hand went to his cheek, stroking the stubble that had been forming all day. “They really were.”_

Now, as Rey sat across from Luke, she realized that her five-year-old self had it right. All these years later, she wanted nothing more but to end this war and go home with Poe.

For his part, Luke looked more resigned than anything. “This has something to do with the young Mr. Dameron, doesn’t it?”

“I love him.” It was short and to the point. She didn’t owe him an explanation. She didn’t owe him anything.

Master Skywalker shook his head, a rueful smile playing across his lips. “Can’t say I’m surprised. You’ve always loved too hard. It was your greatest weakness as a Jedi.”

Rey took a breath, ready to let loose again. Luke stopped her with a raised hand. “And your greatest strength everywhere else. I’m happy for you two. Truly.”

Well, that took the wind from her sails.

Luke laughed at the look on her face. “You look surprised. Why wouldn’t I be happy for you? You’ve had enough pain this year to last three lifetimes. If Poe makes you happy, who am I to question that?”

He wasn’t wrong.

“So, now what?” she asked, deciding not to acknowledge the rest of his statement.

With no little effort, Luke rose to his feet, shaking the wrinkles out of his rough spun robes. “Now, we hop on your ship, get back to the Resistance, and finish this war so you can start that life.”

“Poe and I parked the Falcon at the bottom of the hill.” She stood, stopping dead in her tracks at Luke’s next words.

“Wait, the Falcon? Where’s Han?”

The smile slid off her face.

Silently, she cursed Leia. It shouldn’t fall to her to deliver the news, not when it would mean that much more coming from the General herself. But Rey was the only one there.

When she turned to face him, she could see that he already knew.

“It was Ben, wasn’t it?” he asked, the answer requiring only a nod from Rey.

Luke heaved a sigh. “He never could forgive his father for being Han Solo. And the galaxy never let him forget it. Were you there?”

Another nod from Rey brought a look of resolve to his face.

“Come on, kid. Let’s go end this thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's a wrap! Thanks to everyone who joined me for the ride!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second open project, so let's see where this goes.
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr as BatuuPrincess.


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